|
|
Disclaimer: These characters are not, nor ever have been mine. I'm just using them to write a fanfic, and will return them without a scratch. [insert puppy dog eyes] Please don't sue, Joss.
Author's Notes: This story is for Karen, 'cause I've never really thanked her for putting up with the whinings of royalty. [g] :) So, thanks
I'm walking down the aisle. I look up at Giles as he gives me away, kissing my cheek before sitting down. He has become my father since my real father died all those years ago. I am grateful to him for that. I look at the man I'm marrying and blush, almost scared of the intensity of his gaze. I'm uncharacteristically nervous, but I guess every bride is on her wedding day. I look into the eyes of my future husband, and the memories drown out the sound of the ministers voice...
I had known him since childhood. It's hard to believe, after all this time, after all that pain, that it would be us. And yet...amazingly easy to accept. Beautiful in it's simplicity. My thoughts go back and forth, between the past and the present. And the future, of course. I love thinking about that, the future. The future with my husband. It still blows my mind, after all these years with him.
I have grown so much. I'm not sure when it began, but I think it was when I found out that Buffy was the Slayer. I look over at my maid of honor and bridesmaid now, and smile, silently thanking them for being here and standing up with me. I look over at Angel too, and he is staring at Buffy the way I'm being stared at by the love of my life. It's still funny, to me, that he picked Angel to be his best man. I'm glad, though. It proves to me that he has let go of any romantic feelings for Buffy. He was so hateful for so long after Angel came out of Hell, after Angel and Buffy fell in love all over again. He's not like that anymore. I'm proud of him.
I'm so proud of him. I think I'm still in shock that this is finally happening. It's been almost seven years since we got out of high school. It's happening now though, so I cherish all of my memories. I smile at him, and I know that I look beautiful. Not from any make-up I'm wearing, or my dress, but from all the love I feel for him. I never knew before that love could bring out beauty. True beauty. I do now.
I loved him for so long, and even when other guys came and went in my life, I knew that. I don't want to think about other guys though, so I focus on looking at his face. I absorb his look of adoration, and feel more blessed than I have ever felt in my life. I always knew it was him. Ever since our first kiss. Before, it had been small fantasies in my life, I had never really indulged them, but the kiss sealed it in fate. I continued to deny my destiny, for years, until I first heard him say it. With those words, those three utterly simple words, I could deny it no longer.
My love for him since that day has never stood in question. Not with anyone, especially not with myself. I wouldn't let it. I think about how I was in high school, and I'm so ashamed. I'm ashamed for so many things. How I broke up with him for my "friends." How mean I was before that. Not just to him, but to everyone. I used to really believe that I was better than everyone else. Now I see that, when they became my friends, it was me who didn't deserve it. I don't deserve this happiness now, but I'll accept it, if not for him, than for the simple reason that I'm through with running. I'm through with running from joy, from love. I'm through with running from him.
After we broke up on the last day of high school, I ran. I ran as fast and as far as I could. I still remember why I did it. I remember thinking 'I'll never be the kind of person that could make him happy.' And I so wanted his happiness. I knew I wasn't good enough for him, and I told him so. I am so thankful that he didn't accept my ramblings as truth. Even though a small part of me still thinks that it's true.
I ran, but he followed me. He followed me to college, he followed me off the continent with my first internship. He did it all under the pretense of being my friend, but that was never the whole truth. We both knew it. I let myself pretend though, because I needed him, loved him. Words that would have made me choke ten years ago, fall easily from my lips. I didn't mean to interrupt the minister, but no one looks displeased at my whisper. In fact, his smile becomes more handsome than ever.
That day, on top of the Eiffel Tower comes to my mind. He took me to the top as a surprise. In a year in Paris, I hadn't yet visited the place I wanted so much to go to. And he knew. When we got to the top, he placed his arms around my stomach, and I leaned my back against his warm chest. After a moment, he turned me around, to lightly kiss me, and whispered the words I had wanted to hear for so long. All of it, the hug, the kiss, the whisper, pounded joy through my head as I tried to overcome my shock. I repeated the words to him. I let go then, of any lies I had been telling myself. No more lies. I did love him. I *do* love him. I always loved him.
He takes my hand now, as the minister instructs, and I see Willow smiling broadly somewhere in the peripherary of my vision. I'm filled with gladness and relief. I'm so glad that she approves. She knows I'll try my hardest to make him happy. Oz is staring at her, I notice vaguely, probably remembering the day like this which had belonged to them. So strange how life turns out. Strange that the people I love most in the world are the people I couldn't stand to be around at one point. Strange that they love me, too. Strange....And wonderful. I hear him speaking, and my heart starts thumping in response.
"I, Alexander Lavelle Harris, do take thee..." I stop listening to the beautiful words, only to stare into the beautiful eyes of the man I love. He lets go of my hand briefly to slip on the ring. My wedding ring. My heart starts beating faster and faster, and I can't contain the tears any longer. They spill over onto my cheeks, and streak down my face. I memorize the look he's wearing. I never want to forget it. It's my turn now, and my voice comes out steady and strong. I know that this is perfect, that this is my destiny.
"I, Cordelia Rose Chase, do take thee, Xander Lavelle Harris to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, for richer or poorer, in everything that should come to pass, till death do us part." Till death. Not before. He nods slightly at me, through his own tears, and I smile, knowing that I have made him proud, too.
I slip the ring on his finger, and marvel at the way it looks. It's not antique, like Angel's wedding ring, or modern, like Oz's. I don't know how to describe it. It's perfect for Xander, and looks brilliant on his finger. Makes me feel like I'm worth everything he has gone through. He has a knack for making me feel that way.
The minister says we can kiss, and we do. It is the most perfect kiss I have ever experienced. So exquisite, the sensations forming on my lips. Like fire and water mixing. He holds me close, and through a cloud of love, I hear people applauding. He whispers in my ear.
"Can't wait for tonight." Xander wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and I giggle, giving Buffy and Willow a knowing look. I give Xander a coy glance from under my lashes. I'm glad he's still Xander. I don't want marriage to change him. God, marriage...
"May I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Harris." I give the minister a startled glance before breaking into a grin. This is so novel for me! We head down the aisle, arm in arm, and people cheer. I am cheering too, silently. He pulls me into the limo which will take us to the reception, and I kiss him back, responding enthusiastically, and with lots of laughter to his advances. It's okay, we're enough out of view for me to kiss him like I wanted to in the church. He winks at me.
With that small, seemingly insignificant gesture, I know.
I know everything will end right.