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Part 5
“Oh my god! Depressing much!” Cordelia exclaimed, then frowned. “It’s not contagious right?”
“Definitely not,” Willow assured her. They’d stopped to pick up Cordelia from the now-closed Bronze before Xander dropped Willow off at home and went to get some sleep.
“Don’t worry Cor, your pretty little head is all right,” Xander said, half teasing and half annoyed. She shot him a poisonous glance, then he frowned. “Actually, it might not be. If this Hashim guy has anything to say about it . . .”
“If I have anything to say about it YOUR head could be in serious trouble Xander Harris!” Cordelia warned threateningly. He held up his hands and shrugged apologetically.
“Sorry! Just stating the facts,” Xander said.
“Facts indeed! The only fact that you know is that I’m the breadwinner of the family,” Cordelia pointed out.
“If I was PAID . . .” Xander suggested, trailing off.
“Yeah, well, it’d still be my money! I own the place!” Cordelia exclaimed. Before Xander could reply, Willow broke in.
“Guys, could we get back to Buffy?” she asked quietly. They both looked serious again.
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Cordelia asked.
“Just be there to support her I think,” Willow replied. “I don’t think is the kind of thing chicken soup helps.”
“Or even dip,” Xander put in, “Sorry Cordy.” Cordelia and Willow both shot him warning glances and he subsided.
“She’s so determined not to be sick. Not to need help. But she does,” Willow said sadly, not even realizing that the same might be said of her at times. Xander was thinking it though, and Cordelia saw the look in his eyes that told his thoughts. She spoke hastily, before Willow could catch on.
“She has Angel. He’ll help her whether she wants him to or not,” Cordelia said confidently.
“You’re probably right,” Willow said, sighing. “It’s hard to think of Buffy needing help. She’s always so strong.”
“She’s needed our help before!” Xander exclaimed. “Remember . . . well, um . . . when she had to stop Acathla! You cast that spell.”
“But it didn’t really help,” Willow said sadly. “It kind of made it worse, actually.”
“Not in the long run,” Cordelia said. “In the long run she got Angel back. Besides, you cast the spell so he wouldn’t lose his soul. And that helped all of us. I mean, I love Buffy, but I wouldn’t trust her to stay away from Angel, after all, she couldn’t the first time.”
“Cordy,” Willow said softly. Cordelia started.
“What? Oh,” she said, then looked defensive. “I was just telling the truth.”
“Hey, and I rescued her from those sea monsters once. She was down in the sewers about to become a REAL swim team buff. No pun intended, of course,” Xander joked, laughing. Both women gave him The Look. He stopped laughing and glared back.
“Okay, so that’s like three times we’ve helped her in nine years. And that’s beside research, which is more helping Giles.”
“We’ve helped other times. I mean, I can’t count the times I’ve been dragged out of bed for some stupid mission. Hey, I was bait!” Cordelia exclaimed.
“Oh, right,” Xander said. “Hey Cordy, you never told me, did looking at those big guns make you—” he stopped and glanced at Willow. “Never mind.” She frowned and Cordelia looked exasperated.
“We’ve helped before, I know that, but Buffy’s never really, REALLY needed us like she does this time. She’s never been this sick.”
“Most people haven’t,” Xander pointed out. Willow conceded the point.
“So what do we do?” Cordelia asked. None of them had the answer to that, but it was the question they were all asking.
“I’m back!” Buffy announced. “Safe and sound. No fainting, no dizziness, no nosebleeds. One perfectly all right Slayer reporting from patrol.”
“O-oh, that’s . . . that’s good news,” Giles murmured, not looking up. Buffy sighed and set her bag down on the table.
“Did you guys find anything? And where’s Angel?” she asked.
“Right here,” Angel said from behind him. Buffy whirled. He was leaning easily against the doorframe.
“You weren’t there when I came in,” she said. He smiled and shook his head.
“No. I was hungry.” Buffy nodded. “Did you hear anything about Hashim?”
“No joy,” Buffy sighed. Giles gave her a look of confusion.
“She didn’t hear anything,” Angel interpreted.
“You’d think after nine years he could understand me! I can understand him . . . most of the time,” Buffy said to Angel. Giles didn’t even look at her. She sighed. “Actually, I didn’t hear anything at all, don’t even go into Hashim-rumors. This town is conspicuously vampire-free for a place that seems to have more deaths than Titanic . . . in a month . . . not to mention where a Master-class vampire is in residence. That usually makes them MORE uppity, not . . . absent . . .”
“That does seem rather odd,” Giles said, looking up and frowning.
“See, he only pays attention when I say something odd,” Buffy told Angel. Giles gave her another look.
“Buffy, EVERYTHING you say is odd,” Giles said.
“I am going to ignore that comment, because I’m a mature responsible adult,” Buffy announced with dignity.
“Hate to interrupt, but can we get back to Hashim?” Angel suggested.
“Of course!” Giles exclaimed. “You saw nothing at all Buffy?”
“Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zil—”
“I get the idea,” Giles said through grated teeth. Buffy shrugged innocently.
“I was just trying to help clarify.”
“It is abundantly clear that you saw nothing,” Giles assured her. Buffy smiled.
“That’s all I wanted,” she said. “Have you guys made any breakthrough discoveries? And did Willow and Xander take off?”
“About an hour ago. They were both pretty tired,” Angel said.
“I’m glad. That they went to go sleep, that is,” Buffy said.
“As to the other question . . . we didn’t find anything. Not yet. He’s rather . . . shrouded in mystery.”
“There isn’t anything in the Watcher diaries or anything?” Buffy asked. Giles avoided her eyes. She looked to Angel. He did the same. “What? Angel, Giles, somebody, share?”
“All the Slayers that faced him before didn’t live to tell their Watchers about it,” Angel said quietly. Buffy went very still.
“I see. And how many would that be? One, two . . . thirty?”
“Five,” Giles said calmly.
“Oh. Okay. I can handle it. I could’ve beaten Spike and he killed two. And Angel . . . you killed one before . . . I beat you easily.”
“Easily indeed!” Angel snorted.
“I did! As long as you take out the fact that I didn’t want to kill you ‘cause I love you more than life itself,” she said blithely. “Otherwise you would have been vampire dust.”
“So nice to know,” Angel said dryly, though there was pain hidden deep in his eyes. In Buffy’s too, but she knew it was better not to make it even harder than it was. If they could laugh about it, it didn’t hurt that much anymore. It had been a long time before they could laugh about it.
“Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I’m sure I can handle a vampire that’s beaten five. Five isn’t that many. It’s not like he was facing them all at once or anything. Maybe they were all kind of mediocre Slayers. One really can’t know . . . except, we sort of can. Were they mediocre Slayers Giles?” Buffy asked, turning to her Watcher.
“Not all of them,” he replied truthfully. Buffy took a deep breath.
“That’s okay. I’m better than not just mediocre. I’m actually good. Right?” Buffy asked, looking from Giles to Angel and back to Giles.
“Of course. Wonderful. And you need some sleep,” Angel said, coming forward to take her arm.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do mister. You’re trying to get my mind off . . . everything. Well it’s not going to work!” Buffy exclaimed.
“What if I come home to bed too?” Angel suggested, his eyes gleaming. Buffy considered it, then grinned.
“Deal!” she said, twining her arms around his neck and mouth down to hers for a long kiss. But, though they went home and went to bed as promised, she lay awake for a long time that night, her mind on . . . everything.
“Thank you for doing this at night. Angel works during the day,” Buffy said nervously. Dr. Turner nodded.
“Of course. You should have anyone you need with you.”
“For celebrating?” she suggested hopefully. He didn’t answer, only watcher her sadly. Angel reached over and took Buffy’s hand. Giles stood on her other side, waiting tensely.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Dr. Turner said. Buffy let out a deep breath and sat down suddenly, her hand tightening in Angel’s.
“Yes?”
“The blood tests came back . . . I’m afraid the cancer has metastasized into your blood stream,” Dr. Turner said. Giles made a low sound.
“What does that mean?” Buffy demanded, glancing from her Watcher to her doctor. “Can we operate?”
“No. The tumor is spread out in your brain. It would be impossible to remove it all. Even if we could though, it wouldn’t help. The cancer’s in your blood now, which means it’s in every part of your body,” the doctor told her quietly. Angel fell to his knees beside Buffy, clutching at her as if he could physically hold her to the earth.
“There’s no cure?” she asked.
“I’m afraid not. If we had caught it earlier perhaps . . . before it got into your blood and before the tumor spread out, but by now it’s far too advanced. You must have had it for years and never known.” MO<“Why weren’t there signs?” Angel demanded in a rough voice.
“Truthfully, I’m not sure. There should have been. Lots of them. The symptoms you have now usually indicate a much earlier stage. By now you should be hospital ridden at least. The fact that you still seem healthy in almost every respect is frankly quite baffling,” Dr. Turner said. And that’s when she knew. She’d always thought that being the Slayer would kill her, but she’d never imagined it would be this way. If they’d known earlier . . .
“How long?” Buffy asked in a trembling voice.
“We can’t be sure. Anywhere from a few weeks to months . . . your body is handling it very differently than most, and it’s hard to predict what it will do now that the cancer has metastasized. You could suddenly deteriorate to the condition you would usually be in, or it could go slowly . . . you could get worse and worse over time.” Buffy closed her eyes for a long time, and when she opened them again they were very clear and very, very sad.
“But it’s only a matter of time, right?”
“I’m sorry, but yes, it’s only a matter of time.” There was absolute silence in the small room.
The Vampire Slayer was dying.