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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, only the plot. If I did own them the would be happy in my own little world.
Author's Notes: This story takes place before Graduation Day but after Prom. Please send me feedback so I can decide if I should write more. Please be gentle this is my first story.
I walk into his mansion, determined not to cry. I still can't believe that he broke up with me. My heart is broken. I want to tell him what is on my mind; I want him to know all the pain that he has caused me. He has my heart and he always will. He says that I should have a life that is not all about darkness, I don't want that, I want him. He says that I am going to want children, does he even realize that none of those types of things matter when I don't have him? I know in my heart and soul that he is my soul mate. I walk around, ready to hurt him for hurting me. But what I see shocks me. He is sitting on the sofa his head in his hands, his shoulders are shaking. I wonder why he could be crying, and all I want to do is comfort him. I stand behind the wall when I notice that he starts to stand up, he looks where I was just standing. His handsome face is stained with tears. This is the first time that I have ever seen him cry. He was always the strong one, letting me cry on him. Like a rock that I could always lean on and would always be able to hold me up. I wonder what could have caused these tears. He walks over to a table and picks up a picture, strange I don't remember any pictures before. He wipes his finger over it the way that he would wipe tears off of my face. Who is that a picture of? I wonder. He continues to stare at it, I am unsure if I should be jealous. Maybe that picture was the real reason he broke up with me. I start to walk in there to yell at him, softly he speaks. "I am so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." I stop when he says this wondering whom it was that he has hurt. "I will always love you." Who is that picture of? I start to feel sick thinking that his love for me was just a joke. His tears start to fall again. "You are my sunlight. I wish that could tell you this to your face, Buffy, and not your picture. But I can't see that pain in your eyes again. I'm sorry." I feel so stupid; he was talking about me. I watch as his shoulders again start to shake and I realize that he really does love me as much as I love him. I never really thought that him breaking up with me could hurt him too. I feel so foolish that I could have thought that he had loved someone else. I want to run in there and comfort him, but instead I decide to watch him some more because he never lets me see him this way, vulnerable. After a while his shoulders stop shaking and he wipes his eyes. I feel as if I am intruding on his personal space but it is so strange to see him weak. I know that he always felt guilty for what the demon does but I have never seen him really show it. His eyes have always been the key to what he is feeling. I guess whoever said that your eyes are the window to your soul were right. He sits back down on his sofa, the picture still in his hand. I wonder where he got that picture from; I did not give him one. I watch him a second longer and then decide to walk in and talk to him. Suddenly I hear a phone ring. I did not know that he had a phone in his house. He picks it up, the anguish that he is feeling evident in his eyes. "Hello," he pauses a second, a puzzled look on his chiseled face, "Whistler what do you want?" I start to smile remembering that annoying good demon, who I could never understand. Angel is silent again and I wonder what Whistler is telling him. Many emotions play over his face, first shock, than hope and than a look of stubbornness. "I will never do that again. I will not be a monster." He hangs up the phone with a loud bang. I wonder what he is talking about and start to walk into the room again when Giles and Whistler walk in first. Giles has this determined look on his face and Whistler, well he looks like he would rather not be near Angel. I wonder why. "Angel, I know that you to not want to hurt any one again but this is a chance to have everything that you have ever dreamt of," Giles said. I wonder what he is talking about, what was Angel's dream. Whistler spoke up, "What about the slayer don't you think that she should have a say in this too, I mean it effects her." The pain on Angel's face breaks my heart. "My answer is no, if you think that Buffy should know this you tell her." He walks away, leaving my watcher and the annoying demon speechless. I wonder what it is that I should know and why does Angel not want me to know. He has always told me everything. "I am going to call Buffy and talk to her in the library maybe she can change his mind." The two left. I stood there for a few more minutes and then I left the mansion. I went home and waited for Giles to call me and maybe then I would understand what was going on in Angel's head.
I walked at a steady pace to the library, wondering what had gotten Angel so upset. I opened the doors and all I saw was Giles reading a book and drinking tea. "Why did you call Giles?" I asked trying not to sound as nervous as I felt. I had never seen Angel so upset and I wanted to know why. A horrible thought came to my head. "I'm not going to die again am I?" Fear flooding my heart. "No, Buffy I am sorry that I have scared you but I have found something out about Angel and his curse." All I could think about was that it could be taken away and I would lose my Angel. "Am I going to lose Angel again?" I asked my anxiety very noticeable in my voice. "Of course not Buffy, do you think that I would let him run free if that was the case?" "I guess not." I was so relieved to hear that I would still have my Angel that nothing else mattered. "Then what is wrong?" "Buffy, what I am going to tell you will be shocking and I need you to let me tell you everything, including Angel's reaction before you say anything. Do you promise me that you will not say a word until I am done?" "I promise." I already knew Angel's reaction. I just didn't know his reaction to what, but for Angel I could be quiet. "I was reading an old book of mine and…" I opened my mouth to ask him if he had any books that were not old but I stopped myself because I needed to know what was wrong with my Angel. "And I found a spell that would make Angel a human again." A human Angel, I don't believe it. If that was what Giles was talking to Angel about then why did he say no, doesn't he want to be with me? "The ritual is fairly simple but will hurt him a lot. I told Angel all of this and he said no." "Why?" I asked interrupting him for the first time. "Because he has to drink the blood of his one true love, his soul mate. And he said that he could not do that to you." Now everything was falling into place. Angel had that reaction because he didn't want to hurt me. "I will talk to him, Giles, I will try and let him see that it will not hurt me." "I hope that you can convince him you two finally have a chance at true happiness." I smiled at him, thanking him with my eyes. He forgave Angel for me and now he was helping him and me. I would owe him my life. I left the library and ran the rest of the way to Angel mansion. I had to make him realize that this was the answer to our prayers and that we would be able to be together. I wonder what Angel looks like in the sunlight? Hopefully, I would soon find out, if he listens to me that is.
I walk into his mansion, stopping to catch my breath. He is sitting by his fireplace reading a book. Well, at least attempting to read it. It looks as if he is staring off into space. If it is possible my love for him grows larger seeing him sitting there the fire casting shadows on his handsome face. I have to stop thinking like this if I want to talk him into drinking my blood. I walk as quietly as I can into the room that he is in. "Angel," I whisper, afraid that he might not want to see me. He doesn't hear me he is completely spaced out. Normally I would worry about him doing this but now I am more preoccupied with getting him to change his mind. I had always known that I was stubborn but Angel is a lot worse then I am. Especially when he thinks that he has to protect me. "Angel," I say again this time louder. He turns around and looks at me with his soulful eyes, wet with unshed tears. "He told you didn't he?" he asked me. I could never hide anything from him somehow he always knew what I was thinking and feeling, sometimes even before I did. "Giles told me about the spell. Why don't you want to do it?" I asked even though I knew his answer. "I promised myself that I would never feed off of a human when I got my soul back and there is no way that I am going to start on you." "But Angel this is the chance we both have wanted, to be together forever or as long as forever is. I guess that you don't want it as much as I thought." I don't know what I was saying, I know that Angel loves more than anything, how may times had he proven that to me? "How can you say that Buffy? You know how much I love you and that is why I can't go through with it. I will not be a monster on you." He turned away from me trying to hide his pain. I knew that if I was going to change his mind, I was going to have to fight one of my hardest battles ever. "Angel, do you remember telling me that you were jealous of Xander because he was with me during the day? This is your chance to be with me all the time. Unless you are afraid that you would get tired of me." I said the last part as an attempt to make him smile but instead I think that he thought that I was serious. He turned and looked at me, heartache evident in his eyes. He walked closer to me and I thought that he would kiss me but instead he wiped his hand gently across my cheek. "I could never be tired of you even of I saw you every second of every day for the rest of my life. I love you Buffy. I always have and I always will. Don't you think that I want to walk with you in the sunlight and see the sun rise and set with you in my arms?" He paused for a second and it took every restraint system in my body not to run to his arms and tell him that I want him no matter what he was. He opened his mouth to continue and I knew that I should listen so I could counter every argument that he had. "I would love to be with you every day but not if I have to hurt you so that I can be with you." I had a feeling that was what he was afraid of hurting me. He was not even thinking about himself in this, he never did. He thought that because of what the demon did he should be punished forever. "Angel, I know that you would never hurt me on purpose and I would be doing this voluntarily." He looked at me with his hauntingly soulful eyes. They were spilling over with self-hatred, fear and most importantly love. I started to lose myself in his eyes when I realized that I had to remain strong so that I could convince him that this was a good idea. "Buffy, I know that you want me to do this but I can't hurt you no matter what you say. What if I lose control and kill you?" The desperation in his eyes made me realize that he was truly afraid for me. I walked over to him and placed my hands on his face so I knew that he had to be listening to me. "Angel, I trust you with my life…" "Maybe you shouldn't," he said his voice filled with his self-loathing. "Please let me finish." He looked like he was about to argue with me but stopped and looked me in the eyes. I knew that he would not interrupt me again. "Angel, you are my protector, my lover and my best friend. If you do this then we could be together forever. I know that you will not lose control. I trust you." I was running out of ways to convince him so I really hoped that this would work. "You have an argument for everyone that I have don't you?" he asked me with his half smile. I knew that I was winning him over. "Of course. You really don't think that I would come here knowing how stubborn you are without a plan." "You really want me to do this, don't you Buffy." "Yes I do but it is not my choice I was just trying to give you a hard nudge in the right direction." "And that direction would have nothing to do with what you wanted me to do now would it?" He was teasing me now and I loved it because I knew that meant that he would do it. "Of course it was but Angel this is your decision not mine to make." "I would love to see the sun again especially with the one person who I love more than anything, you." "Does that mean that you will do it?" "For you I would do anything." I knew that was his way of saying yes. "Does this also mean that you will stay in Sunnydale?" I asked him with hope in my voice. I was so afraid that he would still leave. "I will stay if the spell works, if not than I am still leaving." I went over to him and he held me in his arms. "I will tell Giles in the morning and hopefully we can get this over with." After I said that Angel gave me one of his kisses that seemed to make the world stop. I skipped all the way home for once looking forward to school the next day.
I barley slept last night. Images of Angel and me having a future together stayed in my mind. After my mom dropped me off I walked as fast as I could without running to the library. I couldn't wait to tell Giles the good news. Giles as always was sitting in his office reading a book. I hope that there is not a big evil brewing that he had to read about. I will have to worry about that later Angel was more important. "Hey Giles, Angel said yes." It took all my restraint not to jump up and down. "That's wonderful, I'll get all the needed materials. I want the two of you to be at his mansion before sunset." I was so happy that I would have my Angel with me forever, or however long forever would be. I floated through the rest of my classes not paying attention to anything. I told my mom that I was going to stay with Angel because he was going to help me with history since he knew so much about it. Surprisingly she said yes. About an hour before sunset I went to the mansion ready for my life to change for the better.
When I got there Giles had already set everything up. "This spell will be very painful, Angel. Are you sure that you want to do it?" "I am sure," Angel said looking at me with love in his eyes. Giles told Angel to stand in a circle and then he started to chant. I watched my Angel closely to see what would happen to him. Suddenly he fell to his knees in obvious pain. How much I wanted to take his pain away. I knew that he was afraid but he would do anything I asked of him. Then Giles told me to get in the circle with Angel and told Angel to drink me. I saw the reluctance in his eyes. "I love you and I trust you," I told him. I saw him put his game face on and he lovingly wrapped his arms around me. I felt so safe even though I knew what was going to happen. He kissed my neck lightly before biting it. I could feel my heart pumping him blood and him sucking it out. After what felt like hours but in reality was only seconds, he stopped feeding and laid me down on the ground gently. I felt weak but he had not taken enough to hurt me, just like I knew he would. I crawled out of the circle and waited for the transformation to take place. His body started to shake uncontrollably and his face was contorted in pain. Suddenly, he stopped shaking and fell to the ground, ashes falling from his body. I ran over to him so glad that it was over. My body no longer felt weak. Giles placed a cross to his chest and it did not burn. "The true test will be the sun. His body is tired he will sleep for a long time." I was so happy I gave Giles a huge hug and thanked him. "Your welcome, Buffy. I will leave the two of you alone now." "Thanks again." He packed up his things and left.
I stayed up all night watching Angel making sure nothing happened to him. A few hours had passed and I was starting to worry because Angel was still sleeping but his chest was rising and falling with every breath that he took. I started to walk around to stretch my legs when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world, my Angel. "Buffy, did it work?" he asked fear in his voice that it hadn't and he had feed off of me for no reason. "Worked like a charm. Now you don't have to leave because all your reasons for leaving no longer exist," I said so relieved that I would not lose my soul mate. For the first time ever I saw Angel smile a huge smile. Then after I said that he lost that smile and I felt fear gripping at my heart. "What's wrong?" I asked worried that maybe being human was too much for him or that maybe he had wanted to leave for other reasons. Stop that Buffy! You know that Angel did this because he loves you. "Those were not the only reasons I was leaving. I was afraid that that you would stop loving me and want a normal life." I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head on his chest where I could hear his now beating heart. "I will never love anyone else. You are my whole world." "I love you." "I love you too. Promise me that you will never leave me." "I will never leave you unless you want me to." "Well that will never happen. Let's go see the sun." We walked outside hand in hand just in time to watch the sun rise in Angel's arms. When it had finished rising I noticed that Angel was staring at me. "I know that it has been awhile since you have seen the sun but it is over there in the sky." Angel smiled again; he had a beautiful smile. "I know but you are so lovely. Do you know that you lied to me?" "When did I do that?" "When you said that you didn't look beautiful in the sun." With that said we kissed like we have never kissed before. Time stood still for us and fate smiled. This kiss was just the beginning of out lives together. I know that we will have some hard times ahead but I sure do like this start. As long as I have my Angel's love I can handle anything.