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“Angel?” Buffy asked after a moment, her voice full of concern and just a glimmer of hope. At the sound of her voice, he looked up, his dark, soulful eyes filled with tears.
“Buffy? Wha...what’s going on? What happened?” he sat up slowly, taking in his surroundings. He noticed he was in the metal cage in the library, and that the Slayerettes were looking at him, watching him. He shifted uncomfortably under their gaze. Finally he turned his eyes to Buffy. His love. His one true love. He felt like he had been gone for months. He sat, staring, drinking in the sight of her. He looked in her eyes and realized she was crying. Had he done something wrong? The last thing he remembered was....falling asleep with her in his arms after they had....had made love for the first time. He remembered her lying in his arms afterwards, exhausted, and hearing her whisper “I love you” before drifting off to sleep.
The sound of her sobbing brought him out of his reverie. “Buffy, what is it? What’s wrong?” he asked as he climbed to his feet unsteadily, leaning on the metal cage for support. Buffy rose with him and walked over to the cage door, producing the key from her pocket. Inserting it in the lock, she turned it and let the door swing slowly open. Realizing the two should have some time alone together, Giles ushered everyone out into the hallway, where they waited silently.
But Buffy was lost in Angel’s eyes. The world around her disappeared. All she cared about was him. When the door had opened, he stepped out, uncertain, and stood there for a moment, before opening his arms to her.
She leaped into his embrace, her body aching to feel his next to her. Crying tears of joy, she wept on his shoulder, holding him tight, never wanting to let go. Angel held her just as tightly, sensing something had gone on that he didn’t remember.
Gazing up at him, she looked into his eyes, seeing the love she felt mirrored there. Tilting her head up, she met his lips timidly. He pulled her closer and returned her kiss, which went from tender to passionate in no time at all. They drank each other up, and could taste the salty tears that were running down Buffy’s face. Gasping, they broke apart, when Angel suddenly tensed with the flood of memories that came back, not realizing he was breathing.
“Oh God. No. No. NO!!!!” Angel cried, and sank to his knees, overwhelmed with grief and a sadness that ripped his heart apart. He remembered everything he’d done, Theresa....Jenny....telling Buffy’s mother....hurting Buffy....hurting her friends. He had hurt Buffy so much, and yet there she was, wrapping her small arms around him and holding him tightly as the tears came, threatening to overwhelm him totally. She was there, anchoring him, never letting him go. She held him, whispering words of condolence into his ear, watching him, her heart being teared apart when she thought of the grief he was going through.
“Oh God....I’m sorry...so sorry. I--I don’t deserve...to live,” he choked on his sobs, which wracked his body. He clung to Buffy, weeping like a child, while her tears just fell silently, her heart tearing in two with compassion for him. He just continued to sob, and hold her tightly. For all the times he had been there for her to cry on, the roles were now reversed.
After a time, his sobs quieted down. Buffy had been staring at him the whole time, tears rolling down her face, tracing every feature on his face with her eyes. He was so beautiful, she drunk in the sight of him. She wanted so badly to comfort him, to tell him that it was okay, that everything would be okay. But she just held him soothingly.
Suddenly, he jumped up out of Buffy’s embrace. Before she had time to realize what was happening, he took off, running through the library doors, past everyone who had been waiting quietly in the hall, totally startling them. Buffy realized where he was going, out into the sunlight, thinking it would kill him. Boy, is he in for a big surprise, she thought, chasing after him.
The Slayerettes and her Watcher realized what was happening when Buffy ran after him, and they joined in pursuit. Hearing footsteps, Angel ran even faster, reaching the doors just as Buffy caught up to him. Throwing them open, he ran out into the early morning sun, throwing his arms open, waiting for the sun to burn his body and free his tormented soul.
He waited.
And waited.
Nothing happened.
MO When it ended, both were gasping for breath. Angel turned to the others and
looked down at Buffy who was snuggled in his embrace, and began to laugh. For
the first time in two hundred and twenty some-odd years, he laughed. He
picked Buffy up and began twirling her around, which got her laughing, then
put her down and went over to Willow and Cordelia, doing the same to them.
Soon, the three girls were in hysterics and he went over to Giles, Xander, and
Oz cautiously. There was a moment of awkward silence between them, then
Xander broke it.
“Don’t even think of picking me up!!” he said to Angel, which made the girls
laugh harder, but his next move surprised them all. He stuck out his hand to
Angel. Stunned, Angel took Xander’s hand with his own, and they shook, which
held as much significance for Angel as it did for Xander. It showed that
Xander didn’t blame him for what had happened the last few months, that he had
finally realized that Angel had had no control over the demon.
They released hands and Oz was next. They smiled at each other and then
Angel turned to Giles, who had many emotions playing over his face. Angel
looked at him carefully, cautiously, not knowing what to do. Giles was the
one who acted. He stuck out his hand, following Xander and Oz’s lead. But as
they were shaking it, Giles pulled Angel into a hug, and said in a low voice
so that no one else would hear, “Take care of her. She needs you and loves
you and if you’d better not ever hurt her again.”
Releasing him, Angel nodded and turned back to the love of his life, who
looked radiant in the sunlight, even though her mascara was running and she
hadn’t gotten any sleep in the last twenty-four hours. Walking over to her,
he pulled her close and whispered, “You lied.”
“What?” Buffy asked, suddenly confused.
“You look absolutely beautiful in direct light,” he said, and saw her eyes
shining. Looking up, he saw that everyone had gotten with his or her
significant other, except Giles. A sharp feeling of guilt went through
Angel’s heart, but he remembered what he had promised himself only a few
moments ago.
He would not dwell on the past anymore. There was no point. What was done
was done, and nothing he said or did could change that. All he could do was
live, and try and make amends for everything that his body had done while he
had not been in control of it.
He looked down at Buffy, who was smiling up at him with love in her eyes. He
would live for her, everything he did would be for her. She had been the one
that had made his life a tiny bit easier, she had eased the pain with her
love. She had accepted him, the whole him, his faults, his failings, and she
had loved him still. She was his sunlight, his eternal sunlight, and he would
be forever in her debt for giving him another chance. He would be in
everyone’s debt, and he didn’t know how to pay them back. They had accepted
him, too. And with that thought, Angel sighed, and gazed at his friends and
his lover. He would begin a new life, hopefully with Buffy, and he would try
and ease their pain and make amends for all they had been through.
He glanced up at the sun, the sun that had blinded him, and in that instant
had washed away all his guilt and made him truly human again. He’d never be
able to fully let it go, to heal his emotional scars, but his was on his way
to recovering.