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"Why didn’t you kill him?" Xander demanded after Buffy related the events of the night before—well she left out the Sebastien part. Willow gave him a horrible look and Oz shook his head.
"Xander, I don’t think—" Giles began, but Buffy cut him off.
"It’s okay. Xander can say what he wants," she said. "I didn’t kill him because it wasn’t the right time. When it is, I will." Xander crossed him arms and muttered something about Buffy’s "right time" being when Hell froze over.
"About the rest of your patrol . . . ?" Giles asked, diverting the attention neatly. Buffy turned to him, relieved to be on another subject.
"Two vamps. Killed ‘em." Belatedly she heard the door and turned to see Sebastien watching them with a frown. "In that video game," Buffy said hastily. "It’s so much fun, you guys should totally try it . . ." she trailed off, glancing around uneasily.
"Yeah, that video game," Willow said quickly, backing her up. "Don’t you love that video game Xander?"
"My favorite!"
"It seems to get a definite star," Oz put in.
"Or three," Sebastien finished, walking the rest of the way in. "How is everyone this morning?"
"We’re good," Buffy said nervously. "We’re great."
"Oh yeah. Tip top," Willow seconded, nodding quickly.
"I’ll just go find that book," Giles murmured, turning away abruptly. Buffy watched him go, then turned back to Sebastien with a tiny, anxious smile, as much from the butterflies his very presence caused her as from their near-discovery.
"Where’s Kathryn?" Sebastien asked casually.
"Bathroom," Buffy replied, "With Cordelia." This elicited a moan from Xander, who obviously was not having a good day.
"Ah, I see. Are we having fun?"
"So very much. I was thinking maybe you wanted to go to Oz’s classes today. He’s a senior, so they’re all different and it might be interesting for you to see different things," Buffy suggesteed lamely. He looked a tiny bit surprised and dissapointed, but hid it quickly and smiled.
"I’d be happy to," he said. Buffy sighed in relief. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around him—part of her really, really did—but she was muddled enough without spending the day with him . . . again.
"Great! I’ll see you after school, and um, we’re all going to the Bronze tonight, since it’s y’ know, Friday, so if I miss you or anything . . ."
"Right," Sebastien said. "I’ll be there." Buffy smiled.
"Great," she repeated. Their eyes met and she knew he could see the truth in hers, as she could in his.
Music pulsed through the crowd. Friday night in Sunnydale, and everyone and their Hellish cousins were at the Bronze.
"Can you get more dated?" Cordelia asked, eyeing a vampire across the room—at least, his afro and disco suit kind of pointed to creature of night.
"Let’s keep an eye on him," Buffy murmurered quietly, so Kathryn and Sebastien wouldn’t hear.
"Will do!" Xander said loudly. The three girls shot him sharp looks and he winced. "Right. Quiet." Buffy sighed heavily, and leaned on her elbow, tilting her head to watch Sebastien, sipping his drink and watching the band.
"Hi," Bufy said quietly, leaning towards him. He turned and smiled at her, their faces suddenly very close.
"Hi," he replied, and she realized the rest of the table was watching them. She leaned back, licking her lips nervously.
"So, lively conversation," she said suddenly, swallowing. Willow was watching her with concern, a slight frown on her face.
"Buffy, can I talk to you?" she asked. Buffy nodded, surprised.
"Let’s dance," she said, pulling her best friend out to the dance floor. Her eyes flickered to Sebastien, watching them go with his dark, intense eyes.
"What’s going on with you and Sebastien?" Willow asked, following Buffy’s gaze. Buffy tore her eyes away abruptly, looking at Willow.
"What do you mean?"
"Something’s going on. Can’t you tell me?" Willow asked.
"Of course! I mean, if I knew what it was myself," Buffy sighed. "I still miss Angel. Like constantly. It’s this ache, I don’t think it will ever go away. I still love him. And then suddenly, I find myself . . . I don’t know . . . thinking about Sebastien. Constantly. And I’m dreaming about him, and Angel . . . I don’t know what I feel anymore, and I don’t know what to do."
"Maybe this is good though. It could be a sign you’re moving on!" Willow exclaimed hopefully.
"Except I’m not," Buffy sighed. "It’s like I feel for Sebastien what I felt for Angel. It’s like Sebastien is Angel. And that doesn’t seem healthy."
"Probably not good for Sebastien either," Willow said, frowning slightly. "And you don’t know that much about Sebastien."
"Just that he’s Kathryn’s stepbrother. Which could mean nothing," Buffy said. "I wish I knew who he was. I wish I knew what he was thinking about me."
God, she was beautiful. She looked so alive, moving to the music. And yet the look on her face . . . hurt, confused. He wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her. He had never felt like that before, not about anyone. Not that he could remember anyway. He’d never cared what other people felt, but he cared now. He cared about her.
Kathryn left the table, going to dance with someone they’d met at Buffy’s school. But Sebastien knew what she was really trying to do—escape, find this Angel. Seduce him.
What if Buffy did love him? The very thought made Sebastien feel like he’d been shot. Buffy, in love with someone else. Kissing someone, dancing with them. He’d never been this obsessed with a woman before. Even with Kathryn. He’d wanted her, watched her, been tormented by her.
But he’d never been in love with Kathryn.
An arm snaked out and grabbed Kathryn, pulling her into the shadows of the staircase. A mouth silenced her roughly.
"Angel," she breathed as he pulled away. She could see his wicked smile in the darkness.
"How did you guess? Come on, I know a back way out." Kathryn followed him without protest as he led her to a small back door and out into the alley. She ran after her, not stumbling even in high heels as he pulled her quickly through alleys until they were a fair distance from the Bronze. Then he kissed her again.
Pushed against the alley wall, his long, hard body pressed against hers, Kathryn had never felt so alive. His mouth and hands were rough, demanding. She reveled in it. Soon he would be hers and so would Sebastien’s journal. Or maybe just his car. Whatever she wanted.
"Good to see you," Angel said, surfacing, though he seemed not at all out of breath. Kathryn tried not to gasp.
"You too lover," she replied. "What’s the occasion?"
"Nothing special. I just missed you," he said, his mouth curving. He bent to kiss her and she ducked away.
"Tell me why you want me first," she purred, her eyes enticing. His smile broadened and he caught her wrists, drawing them above her head and crushing her into the wall. Feeling something was a bitt odd, Kathryn struggled weakly, but he was strong. She relaxed and looked up at him with liquid green eyes. Buffy’s eyes. He laughed.
"You don’t get it, do you?" he asked, and her smile faltered a little. "Your whole family is extremely dense. This was never about you hon. This was about Buffy, and making Buffy’s life a living Hell before I do to her what I’m about to do to you. You get to go first, that’s about your only privelege."
"Buffy?" Kathryn whispered, losing her smile and her confidence. Angel—Angelus—laughed.
"Happy death," he said, his face morphing suddenly into an inhuman mask. Kathryn had no time to scream before he buried his fangs in her neck. Before he began to suck her blood, she had time to think that it wasn’t fair, the good girls always got the guys, and then darkness.
It wasn’t until he put his bleeding wrist to her mouth that light began to return again.
Inside the Bronze, Buffy and Sebastien walked across the dance floor to meet each other. The rest of the room had dissapeared; it was just the two of them. They met, and Buffy’s arms twined around Sebastien’s neck. She laid her head on his chest, closing her eyes and letting the tears seep out, for everything she had lost and everything she was afraid to gain.
His arms tightened around her, wondering how he could ever have looked at Kathryn. She was nothing compared to this small, fragile beautiful girl in his arms, that he hardly even knew. There was so much more to her, so much he wanted to know. He’d never wanted to know a woman before, just f*** her and move on. He’d never cared.
It was a night of firsts for Sebastien.
Buffy tilted her head up to look at him, the tears drying on her cheeks . "Why are you crying?" he asked.
"Because I have to," she said softly. "Why don’t you?"
"Because I can’t." And they watched each other as they danced, learned each other and loved each other, even though they’d just met, even though they lived worlds apart. The sophisticated, worldly playboy from New York and the innocent, cheerful Slayer from Sunnydale, California, home of the Hellmouth. No stranger than a vampire and a Slayer loving each other though. Less.
How can I love him? Buffy asked herself. I love Angel. But she loved this man too; maybe if she still had Angel it would be different. But Angel was gone. She couldn’t bring him back, she had to learn that. She had to let go. And she did love Sebastien.
"Is it possible to love two men?" she asked in a whisper.
"Possible. Very possible," Sebastien replied as quietly. Buffy laid her head
on his chest again, and they kept dancing, all unknowing of what happened so
very near them . . .