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Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy, Angel, or Joyce. They are the property of Joss Whedon (who really needs to get off his latest acid trip and stop being stupid), Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. I’m just fixing something that Joss screwed up and I will put them back when I have had my fun.
Author’s Notes: This takes place the night of the prom. It’s from Buffy’s POV. Buffy’s gone home and she learns what her mother said to Angel. I needed to write this because I got *very* angry at Joyce. This is my revenge. Plus it saves on the therapy bills, which I think Joss should pay for He screws with my mind way too much. I will give you chocolate if you send me feedback!!! Okay, so I won’t, but it sounded cool. Send me some!!! Please!!!! Tell me how much this sucked!
I walked home slowly, in a daze. I was still shocked that he had shown up at all. I was so glad he did though, I got my perfect high school memory. Now if I could only forget everything else that’s happened in the past twenty four hours...
Even though the dance was wonderful and perfect, there was this foreboding feeling. It hung over us and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t push it away. It was over. Our relationship was over. Done, finished, finito, adios amigo, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. That kind of over.
I held back the tears that suddenly welled, knowing if I let them loose they’d never stop. I couldn’t break, no one was there to pick up the pieces if I shattered. I’ve been numb, totally and completely numb. And I know this is only the beginning. This torture and agony I feel now has yet to blossom. The longing is there, I know it’ll grow as time passes. Telling Willow I couldn’t breathe was just scratching the surface, really. I felt as if I would die from the pain. It was something I’ve never felt before.
I wonder if anyone has.
He obviously doesn’t feel half of the things I do, he didn’t love me as much as I did him. If he’s leaving me, he can’t.
A thought suddenly dawned on me. Is this what he had felt when I had told him I would never see him again? Probably. I can’t believe how stupid I was then. What was I thinking? I was scared and so in love I was blind. But I always went back to him, we always got back together. But not now. It was over. There would be no going back this time. He was leaving me all alone.
A single tear escaped, threatening my control. I wiped it away and steeled myself, locking off all emotions. If I thought about it anymore, I would totally lose it.
I walked up the stairs to my house and opened the door quietly. The kitchen light was on and I was surprised to see my mom still awake. She looked up and smiled at me, but there was something lurking behind her happy face and it bothered me more than it should have.
“Hi honey. You look beautiful,” she said as she swept her eyes over me.
“Thanks.”
“How was the dance?” she asked, obviously trying to make conversation. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep until these horrible feelings went away. Which would be never.
“Fun,” I said, a fake half-smile on my lips. She must have noticed how cold and sad I was feeling, I saw it on her face.
“Oh. I’m glad. Was...was Angel there?” she asked casually, but there was something in her voice.
“Yeah,” I replied evenly, desperately trying to hold myself together. Knowing I was seconds from cracking. Something flashed in her eyes.
“Really. And did he say anything to you? Anything about leaving?” she asked, a trace of anger in her voice. She was playing with her hands like she did when she was either nervous or upset.
“Yes,” I forced out, wondering why she had brought that up. How could she have known about that? Granted, she probably could have guessed from the way I’ve been crying and everything. But then again, this *is* my mom we’re talking about. The one who didn’t know her daughter was the Slayer for two years.
“Good,” she sighed, coming forward to clasp my arms. “I’m glad he listened to me, I wasn’t sure if he would. Now you can finally have a normal life!”
I stopped breathing. The world around me blacked out for a moment and I fought to keep from fainting. Everything became crystal clear. A thousand emotions ran through me and I fought to maintain control over them. She had told him to leave me...
“What?” I whispered. “How could you?”
She looked at me, suddenly unsure. She seemed to push back her uneasiness and smiled at me. “Buffy, look. I know you cared for him, but--”
“‘Cared for’ is a pretty loose term. Love is a better description,” I said lowly, anger surging through me. Bitterness, resentment, and hatred were all directed towards the woman who had given me life.
“Buffy, you’re too young to know what love is,” she replied. I shot daggers at her with my eyes.
“How would you know?” I cried.
“I’m your mother, I’m doing this for your own good. Someday you’ll thank me--”
“Like hell I will!” I snarled. “You took away the best thing that ever happened to me!”
“Buffy, you’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you,” she reasoned, releasing my arms and walking around the island in the kitchen to get a drink of water. She handed me a glass. “I don’t want you stuck with someone like Angel. One day you’ll want children and a home and a husband you can walk in the sun with.”
“Yeah, if I was Mrs. Brady! I don’t want kids, Mom. I’m the Slayer. Not exactly something I want to share with my kids,” I shot back. “I want Angel.”
Her gaze turned hard and cold. “Well, you can’t have Angel. He’s not good enough for you.”
I just stared at her as if she was crazy. Which she was at the moment. “How can you say that? He makes me happy. We’re in love. I don’t care about the vampire thing!” I shouted, spilling some of the water in my glass. She shook her head.
“Buffy, he’ll stay young forever. You’ll get old and die and think about how you wasted your life,” my mom said, trying to sound like she had authority. Like she had control over the whole situation. Which she didn’t.
“How do you know? Can you magically see the future?”
“I don’t want you with him, Buffy. Why can’t you see that I did this for your own good? I don’t want you to be hurt,” she replied, smiling again at me. I scowled back, wondering how she could smile at a time like this.
“I’m old enough to make my own decisions. You can’t treat me like a little kid anymore, Mom, I’m eighteen. A legal adult,” I cried as tears began to flow. Right now they were the farthest thing from my mind.
The smile disappeared from her lips and I knew I had struck a chord. She looked extremely pissed off at that last comment. “Excuse me for caring about my only child! I can’t control that you’re the Slayer, I should be able to control who you date!” she cried, then shut her mouth with a startled look on her face. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that--”
“You obviously did!!” I screamed, rage flowing through me. “You’re still pissed about the whole Slayer thing. Your little girl is all grown up and can save the fucking world and you’re pissed because you have no control over my life! I don’t depend on you anymore and you can’t stand that. So you make Angel leave and think that with him gone I’ll go back to being your little girl. It doesn’t work that way, Mom.”
My mother stared at me as tears began to pour down her face. I didn’t care about the pain I was causing her, that was the farthest thing from my mind. I had never cursed in front of her and I knew she was partly shocked from that. But I was heartbroken and angry and frustrated. The empty feeling inside me was replaced with anger and since I finally had someone to take my anger out on, I jumped at the chance.
There was silence for a long moment. We just stood staring at each other. I spoke first, something inside me cracked and I knew there was still more I had to say.
“How could you think I was in a gang, Mom? Your little girl. You kicked me out of the house when you found out I was the Slayer. Why couldn’t you just have been understanding? I needed your support so much,” I whispered, tears pouring freely. “It was so hard not to reach out and take Angel’s hand. I was tempted. God, was I tempted. I didn’t care where I would be going, I would be with him and that was enough. You couldn’t even have any sympathy for me when I came back! You *tried to burn me at the stake.* That was *real* cool, Mom. And MOO? The stupidest acronym I’ve ever heard of. And now this. I can’t take it anymore,” I screamed, throwing my glass of water at the cabinets the same way she had a year ago. She jumped and flinched as if I had struck her. My chest was heaving and my nose was running as I stood in the grim silence that followed my outburst. My mother closed her eyes and took long, deep breaths.
“Okay, honey. The parenting books always say to--” she started, but I had heard it all before.
“Screw the fucking books!!!” I cried, picking up one that had been next to the phone. I chucked it across the room and heard the sound of glass breaking. The book had hit one of the window panes and gone straight through. “Stop reading them and just learn from your mistakes. They’re all a bunch of bull shit anyway!!!!!!”
She stood stunned, staring at the window. Anger flashed across her features. “I’ve tried to be understanding, Buffy,” she said quietly. “I’ve tried to be supportive. You know that everything I do is for your benefit. Every decision I make--”
“Don’t make my fucking decisions for me!!” I shouted.
“I’m your mother, it’s my job,” she shouted back.
“No, its not. I don’t need you, Mom.”
She stared at me, hurt creeping into her expression. Not that I really cared, I was way too pissed to worry about my mom’s feelings. “What?” she asked in a sad whisper.
“You heard me. *I. Don’t. Need. You. Anymore.*”
“How can you say that to me?” she demanded. I smirked.
“Well, I open my mouth and these syllables come out and they form words,” I said in a cocky tone.
That’s when she moved.
She walked forward and slapped me.
My mother had never struck me in my entire life.
My mind was reeling from that as my hand formed a fist. I caught myself just in time. Instead of punching her face in like I was tempted to, I brought it up to caress my stinging flesh That was the last straw. I turned on my heel and walked out the front door. She ran after me and stood in the doorway of the house.
“Get back here right now, young lady. Buffy. Buffy!! Where are you going?” she shouted at my back.
“I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count,” I yelled back without turning around. The door slammed, but I didn’t hear any footsteps. I briskly walked to Angel’s mansion and barged in without even knocking.
Angel was reading by the fire. Actually, he had a book in his hands but he was staring off into space. Pain and longing were evident on his face. I startled him as I burst in and he dropped the book from his hands.
“Hi honey, I’m home,” I said in a humorless tone. Angel looked at me, obviously taking me in. I knew I looked horrible, my makeup was running down my cheeks and my hair was a mess. Plus I still had my two hundred dollar prom dress on, which was probably ruined from all the walking I had done.
“Buffy. What’re you doing here?” he asked in a gentle tone.
“So, what exactly did my mother say to you, Angel? Huh? What were her exact words?” I asked, not even bothering to answer him. He looked away and I knew there would be a lot more tears shed before this was all over.
“What?” he said, feigning innocence. I just gave him a look that was a mix of anger and hurt.
“What did my mother say to you about us? Is she the reason you’re leaving me?” I asked. He looked up at me briefly and I saw in his eyes that it was.
“Buffy...she wasn’t the only thing--”
“No, I imagine the mayor planted some nice little insecurities in you, too,” I retorted. “What did she say to you, Angel?” I asked again in a low, pain-filled voice. He looked at me and seemed to debate something in his mind. Finally, he sighed and motioned for me to sit down on the couch. I did, but he didn’t join me. Instead, he paced back and forth.
“She said there were some hard choices ahead and that if you couldn’t make them, I’d have to. She said you were blind when it came to me and that she hoped I loved you enough,” he said as he continued pacing. Tears slowly leaked down my cheeks. How could she do this to me?
“I started thinking and realized she was right. We have no future, Buffy. You know that as well as I do. You need someone who can give you everything I can’t. You know this is for your own good,” he finished and I looked up sharply at him.
“Don’t start preaching to me, Angel. I know all that. But we can make a future together. I don’t want anything else,” I said softly. He gazed at me for a long moment and I knew in my heart that he felt the same way.
“Sometimes what we want and what is better for us are different things,” he said quietly.
“Don’t you think I know that? God, Angel, you’re acting so noble about the whole thing when you feel the exact same way!” I cried, about to lose it again. He obviously saw this and kneeled next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I cried on his shoulder. He rocked me gently before sweeping me up and carrying me into his bedroom. He gently placed me on the bed.
“Buffy, what happened tonight?”
I sobbed as I thought about what I had done. She had deserved it, but that didn’t make the hurt go away. “I found out that my mom had talked to you. We got into a fight and I told her I didn’t need her anymore. Then I left,” I said in a small voice, curling up into a tiny ball. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my back.
“Why?” he asked, sounding slightly bewildered.
“Why?” I repeated. “There are a thousand reasons why. She can’t control my life. She can’t control who I date and who I love. I’m eighteen and she treats me life I’m still fourteen,” I said angrily. Angel played with my hair softly, brushing random tendrils out of my face.
“You’re her only child, Buffy, you’re all she’s got. And she doesn’t like to see you so independent, she wants you to depend on her like you did when you were little,” he said plainly. I knew he was right.
“How do you always know the right thing to say?” I whispered, closing my eyes and breathing deeply, inhaling his scent from the pillow. I couldn’t let myself forget that he was still leaving me.
He gave a small, humorless laugh. “I’m two and a half centuries old, Buffy. You pick up stuff.”
I gave him a half smile. We stared long and hard into each other’s eyes and my smile melted away. We inched closer together until our lips were centimeters apart. And then they met and it was the sweetest kiss I’ve ever experienced. It was light and passionate and gentle all rolled into one. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my back. We pulled each other close as the kiss grew.
When it broke off he was lying on top of me on the bed. Our lips stayed just out of reach as we stared again. Something flashed over his features and he quickly sat up, disentangling himself from me.
“Buffy, we can’t be doing this. I’m leaving,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair in a distressed manner.
“You don’t have to,” I said quietly.
“Yes, I do,” he replied without facing me. “You say you don’t care now, but you will. You’ll want someone you can be with in the sunlight and who can make you truly happy by making love to you and giving you children.”
“No, I won’t,” I said. He turned to me and I saw tears falling from his eyes. I felt my own on my cheeks as I sat up next to him and took his hands in mine. I looked deeply into his eyes. “I want you. Only you. Forever.”
“But what about kids--” he asked, his gaze wavering briefly. I stared into his eyes, getting lost in the depths.
“Don’t want ‘em. Too much of a hassle,” I said simply.
“--and making love?” he finished in a whisper as he cupped my cheek in his hand. I closed my eyes and leaned into the caress.
“We find a way to make the curse permanent,” I said as the idea hit me. “Oh my God. I’m so stupid!! Why didn’t I think of that in the first place?”
Angel looked at me sadly. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“We’ll make it possible. We have our very own Wicca-in-training. She’ll want to help,” I said as I traced the outline of his face with my hand. He still seemed reluctant, though. “Angel. I love you. I want to be with you. That’ll never change. Don’t leave. Please,” I pleaded. He seemed to be debating it inside. “Angel?”
“Buffy, I want what’s best for you...” he trailed off and I knew his resolve was slipping. All I had to do was convince him a little more...
“You’re what’s best for me,” I told him and kissed him softly. I could feel him slump forward slightly and I knew I had won.
“Are you sure?” he asked, breaking the kiss. I gave him a watery smile and nodded.
“Yeah,” I reassured him with another kiss. We laid back down and I snuggled against his chest. He kissed my hair and I smiled. We sat in comfortable silence for a while and I started to drift off when I remember I was still in my dress. He realized it at the same time I did and we laughed.
“You know,” I said as I sat up. “My drawer would be nice right about now. So would a mirror,” I joked. Angel laughed as he got up and went to his dresser, pulling out a pair of black sweat pants and a white t-shirt. I was about to change when I heard the door swing open and I knew it was my mom.
“Buffy? Angel?” her voice rang through the large house. Angel looked at me questioningly and I gave him a grim look.
“Let me do all the talking,” I said as I grabbed his hand and opened the curtain that led into the large room. We stepped through as my mother turned around. Anger shone in her eyes as she saw us holding hands.
“Buffy, I thought you two had broken up,” she said tightly. I shrugged.
“We changed our minds. Nice try, Mom, but we want to be together and nothing you say or do will stop us,” I retorted. Angel squeezed my hand for support.
“I forbid it!!” she cried.
“I’m not looking for your blessing here, Mom. We’re together whether you like it or not. You can’t stop me,” I said She was angrier than I had ever seen her before. She took a step closer to us and I felt Angel try to back up, but I held my ground.
“As long as you’re living under my roof you’ll follow my rules. And one of them is that you two break up,” she said. was livid.
“Well then I won’t live under your roof anymore.”
She stared at me. “Where are you going to live then?”
“Here,” I said, gesturing around. “And if Angel doesn’t want me to, I’ll find my own place. Get a job to support myself. You know, be responsible. Just like you always wanted me to be.”
That comment stung, I could tell. She looked as if she was about to either scream or cry. “You can’t move out.”
“Watch me. First thing tomorrow, I’m out,” I said. I didn’t look at Angel for fear he would hate the idea. My mom sighed suddenly and looked defeated.
“Buffy...no. You don’t have to move out. You can still see Angel and live at home--”
“No, I can’t. I can’t live with you and have this always in the back of my mind. I’m moving out,” I said. I thought as I said it that I would have felt remorse, but I didn’t. I was right and I knew I was making the right choice.
“Buffy...” she trailed off in a heart broken tone. I released Angel’s hand and hesitantly walked over to where she stood. I wrapped my arms around her and she cried on my shoulder.
“Shh. It’ll be okay, Mom,” I said awkwardly. She raised her head and looked me in the eye.
“No, sweetie, it won’t be. Ever. I’ve lost my baby girl,” she mumbled.
With that comment, she turned and strolled out the door. I felt tears welling in my eyes and began to sob when I felt Angel’s strong arms encircle my waist. He pulled me close and I leaned against him as the tears fell.
“What have I done, Angel?” I sobbed.
“What you had to. It would’ve happened sooner or later. And yes, if you want to, you can move in with me. Then you can have a whole dresser,” he joked. Through my tears I smiled slightly. I knew he was right, this had been building for months. Now I had to begin to rebuild my relationship with her.
Angel led me back to his room and helped me change. I felt so drained, both physically and emotionally. It was four o’clock in the morning and I had saved the prom from some really gross looking demons, gotten an award that showed my classmates weren’t as ignorant as they look, danced what I had thought was the last time with Angel, been so depressed and sad I couldn’t think, gotten into a huge fight with my mom, gotten back together with Angel and moved in with him.
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” I whispered as we cuddled in bed. I rested my head on his chest and he held onto my body possessively. The truth was, I didn’t want to think of what I would have done without him. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he mumbled as he fell asleep. I drifted off, feeling sad and content at the same time. I was where I was supposed to be. Everything else would hopefully work out.
All I know was I had done the right thing.