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Angel,
I wrote to everyone else, how could I leave you out? I know you can't read this now, but maybe someday. I'll never let you go.
Is it possible to tell you how sorry I am? Or how much I love you? Probably not. I know you didn't deserve it. If it had been just for my life, I would never have hurt you. But it was for the world. I had to. Please understand that I'm not asking for forgiveness, I don't deserve that, I just don't want you to think that I stopped loving you for even an instant. It wasn't possible.
I love you. I always have. Even in that alley when I told you I didn't even want to be friends. My heart fell head over heels with you when I knocked you down, You are my Angel.
I'm staying in NC until I can start to put my mind back together. In a way, I feel like a widow. Even though we weren't married, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend my life with. You sustained me, believed in me, and made me feel cherished. You loved me and respected me when not many others did.
Wills, the new watcher (don't worry, he doesn't come anywhere near you) and Audrey, the new Slayer, have been really great. They keep telling me to forgive myself, but how can I? I'm turning into you. Ironic isn’t it? Actually, not really. You have always been a part of me. You brought out the best in me. I never thanked you for that,
Maybe one day I will let go of my guilt, but never my memories, or my love. Never forget that. Ever. I love you.
A single tear dropped from Buffy's eye and smeared the "B" in her name. It was a tear of
sadness, of guilt, of love, of hope.