|
|
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BtVS characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, WB, Mutant Enemies, etc. Harmony, Michael, SU and all the gypsies, except Yanna (Ms. Calendar) and her uncle, are mine though. Please don't use them without getting permission first. I'm not making any money so please don't sue.
Author's Note: Special thanks to my beta-readers Kitty, and Jenn C.
Prologue
the night Angel's soul was restored, a few hours past midnight
Buffy and Angel sat in Angel's apartment and talked of everything that had happened since her 17th birthday. They talked of everything that Angelus had done and they cried together. Though Buffy tried to convince Angel it wasn't his fault, he still felt responsible. In the end, when she couldn't convince him it wasn't his fault, she simply forgave him. Angel was pacing around the room and Buffy was sitting on the couch. After edging around the subject of the night of Buffy's 17th birthday, Angel finally broached the subject, "Buffy, we should probably talk about our last night together."
"I know, but I don't know how to look at it anymore. It was sooo wonderful, yet because of it, ... because of me you lost your soul."
"It's not your fault," Angel said sitting beside her, "Neither of us knew it would cause the spell to break. All I knew was that I was with you and that I loved you ... I still love you."
"And I love you, but it is my fault. I'm the one who pushed, I'm the one who always pushes."
"Buffy you didn't push. We both wanted that night to happen."
"But you said 'we shouldn't'. You were the voice of reason, which I once again ignored."
"I said 'we shouldn't', I didn't say I didn't want to. Besides, the only reason I said that was because I was afraid I was pushing and wanted to give you a way out."
"A way out?? Well, at the time the last thing I wanted was a way out," Buffy said smiling and blushing slightly. Angel chuckled and the air seemed to lighten for a moment.
"Buffy, I want to tell you that nothing the demon said was true. When I remember how I taunted you with that night, I-"
"You didn't. *Angelus* did," Buffy stated firmly.
"When I remember what he did ... I would have done anything to prevent you that pain, to have stopped him. Even give up that night."
"I know. I would have done anything to keep you from losing your soul. If only I'd know ..."
"Neither of us knew I'd lose my soul. But I want you to know that what the demon said ISN'T true. That night was the most wonderful night of my life."
"Come on. You're like 240 something which means you've had like way more than 10,000 some days ... nights to compare it to. Besides, I know you must have had more experienced partners. I was just too naive to let myself see it before ..." Buffy said stumbling over her words and looking down at her hands and coming close to tears. A pained look came to Angel's eyes, as listened to her, remembering how Angelus had planted and encouraged these ideas. Angel wished he could have been there to help calm her fears and it tortured him to think she had been thinking these things of herself for the last few months.
"Buffy you have to believe me. I love you with all my heart and soul. Any night I see you, even if it's just to watch over you from afar, is a night I will always cherish and wouldn't trade for any night since I met you. That night was the most wonderful night of my life. It was ... " Angel took her hands in his, as he searched for the right words, "it was ecstasy, it was ... It was pure love." Buffy began to smile through her tears as she watched him try to put his feelings into words, savoring the look on his face, as he remembers that night and wondering how she could inspire such a look. Her hand reached up, unbidden, to slowly run down the side of his face. He looked back at her, as she freed one of her hands and reached up to touch his face. She looked into his eyes as she tried to find the right words.
"Angel, I love you so much sometimes I think my heart will break. That night was the most wonderful night of my life. But because of what happened afterwards, I'm scared. I'm scared of being that physically intimate again. I'm scared of what it'll do to you. I still can't take my eyes off you, because I'm afraid if I do it will all turn out to be a dream."
"I am here. Harmony said the only way to break the spell is with hate and indifference. I'll always love you, so the demon will never take control again. NEVER. Love will only make it stronger, but ... it won't happen again, until you're ready for it to happen. Even if that means never again," Angel said sincerely, gazing into her eyes.
Buffy smiled and blushed. "Well, I don't think it'll come to that. But promise me something."
"Anything."
"When it does happen, promise me you'll be there when I wake up," Buffy said, her eyes showing the fear her voice only hinted at.
"I promise I'll be there. There's no where I'd rather be."
"Good, 'cause if you break your promise, I'll end up beating you with a pillow," Buffy told him as she picked up a pillow off the couch and shook it at him playfully. Angel laughed and snatched the pillow from her. When she tried to get it back, he held it above his head out of her reach. She studied him seriously for a moment, with the pillow poised above his head. She stepped up to him, put her arms around his neck and kissed him. His eyes widen for a moment before he put his arms around her waist, game forgotten. As he brought the hand holding the pillow0 down, Buffy skillfully took the pillow from him without breaking the kiss. When the kiss was finished, Buffy stepped back out of his embrace and held up the pillow. Angel looked down at his now empty hand and laughed. Buffy put the pillow back on the couch and sat down beside it, waiting to see what his next move would be. He studied her for a moment before taking a step towards her. Before he could even finish the step, he gasped and a surprised look came over his face and he sank to his knees. Buffy was by his side in an instant. "Angel??"
Angel had his hand over his heart and a smile was creeping onto his face. "Angel! What's the matter?" Buffy asked again, when he didn't reply.
"I can barely feel him. It's like a voice has suddenly been silenced to the faintest whisper from across the room and I've got this funny feeling in my chest ... and everywhere," Angel said in wonder, a look of utter awe on his face.
"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked again, beginning to edge towards hysteria.
"I think it worked," Angel said focusing on her, "I think ... my heart's beating." Buffy took his wrist, which was beginning to warm. Her look of fear instantly changed to a look of joy, as she checked and found a pulse. She jumped up and ran to the window and could just barely see the sun peeking over the horizon in a beautiful sunrise.
"The sun's coming up," she said turning back to him. He approached her slowly and hesitantly reached out to touch the silver cross that hung about her neck. He touched it and nothing happened. He looked at the window decisively. She took his hand and stood by him as he opened the blinds and looked out into the morning sunlight. She hugged him, as he stood and stared at the sunrise and let the light wash over him. She could feel tears in her eyes and she realized the day she had never dared dream of had come. She smiled up at him, before glancing at her watch. "Oh my god!!" she said, when she saw the time.
"What?!?" Angel asked startled out of his reverie.
"I've got to get home and get to school!" she paused for a moment and looked at him, "God, how I would love to just stay here with you. But my mother would notice me not coming home, and even if she didn't Snyder threatened to call her next time I was even late for class." She sighed and looked towards the door with disgust, as if it were the cause of her having to leave.
"Go. I'll be alright," Angel whispered in her ear. She turned back and smiled, before kissing him soundly.
"Enjoy your day and remember you eat food now. See you after school." she said as she kissed him again and ran out the door. He laughed as he watched her go and wondered what he was going to do all day. Buffy ran home, got ready, ran to school, and then slept through half her classes. At least *some* things were back to normal.