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Part 1
Buffy bolted upright in her bed, a cold sweat making the sheets cling to her body. Her heart was racing a mile a minute and she brought a hand up to her chest, taking several calming breaths in the process. Glancing over, she was relieved to see that Willow was still sound asleep. The artificial Christmas tree they had set up sat in the corner, lights casting a soft glow around the dark room.
Buffy's eyes drifted around the room as she calmed down, her brain moving at the speed of light to process her disturbing and almost erotic dream. It was all rather hazy and unclear at first, the kind of dream that was usually prophetic.
She ran a shaky hand through her rumpled hair, brushing the scar on her neck in the process. Angel...
Her dream had been about Angel, Angel being human. They had been together, and it had been perfect. They had made love all day long--on a table, in his bed, even in the shower... They had enjoyed food and each other's company and Buffy had felt such contentment, such happiness, that it couldn't have been a dream. Everything felt so vivid now...
Was it prophetic? Would her dream come to pass like so many others? Or was it just her subconscious, reminding her of what she could never have?
Buffy sighed in frustration and flopped back down into her covers. She rolled over in an effort to get comfortable again, but nothing worked. She was too confused and too worked up to sleep. Unlike most dreams that fade away moments after you wake up, this one became sharper and clearer with each passing minute--almost as if it was a memory...
Buffy punched her pillow several times to reshape it, rolling over onto her back. She had her last final tomorrow, and then it was vacation. She was spending Christmas with her father in Los Angeles while her mother went to New York to visit Buffy's aunt...
She stared at the ceiling for a long time, her mind replaying the events over and over again. The dream was too perfect, too right...it could only be that--just a dream. Content with her answer, she slipped back into sleep.
The dreams haunted her once more.
"Rough night?" Riley asked as he and Buffy walked idly across the campus to Stevenson Hall. Her psych final had been a killer, but with the help of her T.A. boyfriend she as sure she had aced it.
Buffy sighed. "I had strange dreams," she told him as they reached the doors to her dorm.
"Want to tell me about them?" he asked, holding the door open for her like a gentleman. She smiled her thanks and stepped over the threshold.
"No," she said quickly. She didn't think Riley would like to know that she had dreamed about having tons of sex with her demonic ex-boyfriend...which is what they had had. Tons... "They're just keeping my thoughts occupied."
Riley seemed content with her answer as he linked his hand with hers. "How do you think you did on the final?"
"I think I should thank you for helping me," she said playfully as she stopped and turned to him. He flashed her a brilliant smile and tugged him closer to her.
"And just how are you gonna do that?" he asked with a sexy half-smile on his lips. She pulled his head down to hers, her lips melding with his in the middle of the lounge. Pulling away, she gazed up a him happily. "Well, that works for me," he said, kissing her again before leading her to her room.
As Buffy dug in her bag for her keys, Willow opened the door. She seemed to be almost comatose, for she didn't even notice that Buffy and Riley were there until she bumped into her roommate. She startledly looked up, tears bright in her eyes as she met Buffy's gaze. Buffy quickly abandoned the search for her keys and looked up at Riley worriedly before turning her attention back to Willow.
"Will? What's wrong?" Buffy asked as she gently took Willow's arm and led her back into the room. Riley closed the door quietly as Buffy led Willow to her own bed and sat the witch down.
Wordlessly, Willow handed her an envelope.
Buffy pulled the letter out carefully and unfolded it, Oz's chicken scratch jumping up from the page at her. Silently she read the letter, which simply stated that he had not 'found' himself yet but missed her terribly and would try to make it back to her as soon as he possibly could.
When she was done, she carefully folded it up and put it back in the envelope. She mouthed 'Oz' to Riley, who sat on her bed opposite from them staring at her. He raised his eyebrows and sat back, bracing his hands on the bed for support. When she gave him a look, he reluctantly got up and kissed her lightly on the lips before leaving.
"I'll see you tonight at Xander's!" she called after him.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Riley said with a grin. Buffy smiled slightly, the words he spoke echoing in her mind. It was almost like déjà vu...
"Will? Oh, Willow, it'll be okay," Buffy said softly as she pulled her friend close and hugged her. "He misses you and he says he'll be back."
Willow looked up at her, her face stained with tears. "But when? He said he's not ready...and I don't know how much longer I can go on without him," she whispered brokenly.
"Shh," Buffy said, rocking her softly, blinking back her own tears. "It's hard, Willow, I know...but you're strong. You can do this."
"No, Buffy, I can't!" Willow cried. "I'm not you!"
Buffy had nothing to say to that.
After Willow had calmed down somewhat, the girls set to packing for the holiday. Suitcase after suitcase was filled until the room was nearly bare and the girls lugged their things out to Buffy's mother's car as the sun set on Sunnydale.
"I *know* I'm going home with more than I brought..." Buffy groaned as she closed the trunk to the Jeep and turned to Willow.
"So am I," the redhead agreed as they got into the car. "Now, you promise not to kill me?"
Buffy laughed. "Hey! I'm a good driver! Riley taught me, remember? Plus my mom helped over the summer."
"Yeah, but remember the last time you drove me anywhere? You wrecked the car," she argued as she got into the car and buckled her seatbelt. Buffy slid into the driver's side and after checking her mirrors and seat turned on the car.
"*Totally* different situation. Everyone was embracing their inner child then, it wasn't my fault," the Slayer argued playfully. She could barely see out over all the bags and trunks in the back, but she managed to maneuver the car out of the parking lot and onto the main road.
"Good-bye Stevenson Hall," Willow waved as they headed down the highway to downtown Sunnydale. Buffy reached over and switched on the radio, not wanting to have a conversation with her best friend right now. Her mind was going strong again with the dreams and she could barely concentrate on her driving while she thought about them. Only when the song on the radio pushed through the cobwebs did she realize how freaky it was...
"There were nights when the wind was so cold.
That my body froze in bed
if I listened to it right outside the window.
There were days when the sun was so cruel.
That all the tears turned to dust
and I knew my eyes were drying up forever...
"I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how.
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made...
"But when you touch me like this and you hold me like that...
I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me.
And when I touch you like this, and when I hold you like that...
It's so hard to believe but it's all coming back to me."
Buffy quickly reached over and changed the station to the local alternative one. Willow, who had been resting her head on the palm of her hand, snapped to attention and looked worriedly over at her friend.
"Sorry...that song reminds me of Kathy," Buffy said quickly. Willow nodded, remembering Buffy's demonic roommate's obsession with Celine Dion. Sighing in relief, Buffy listened attentively to Creed's 'Higher', hoping to put the thoughts of Angel and her disturbing dreams out of her mind.
A minute later, they arrived at Willow's house. Quickly unloading her things from the car, Buffy helped her best friend carry it all in and lug it up the stairs.
"What time do we have to be at Xander's?" Willow asked as she carefully pulled her neatly-folded clothes out of her suitcase and placed them in her dresser while Buffy lounged on her bed.
"Seven. Hey, aren't college kids supposed to come home with a ton of dirty laundry? I know I did...my mom's gonna have a field day with it tonight," Buffy mused as she twirled a piece of hair around her finger. Willow smiled at her as she closed the drawer and picked up the bag, throwing it in the closet.
"Done!" she cried, dusting her hands off. "Wow, it's good to be home. Now if only my parents were actually *here*..."
"The parental units are coming back tomorrow, right?" Buffy asked as she swung her legs around to the side of the bed and sat up. Willow nodded.
"And yours is leaving...when?"
"Day after that," Buffy said. "We're driving to L.A. so she can get her plane and then I'm going to Dad's."
Willow sat down on the bed next to her. "Are you worried about running into Angel?" she asked softly. Buffy looked over at her.
"Kinda... I mean, it's a big city. The chances of us bumping into each other on the Santa Monica pier are slim to none, but you never know... Where did that come from?" she wondered aloud, knowing the answer instantly. She had kissed Angel on that pier, in the daylight, right after he had been turned human...
"What?" Willow asked, totally lost. Buffy shook her head.
"It's nothing. You ready to go? I just have to drop off my stuff and pick up the gifts and then we can go..." Buffy said as she stood and offered her hand to Willow.
"Riley's coming too, right?" she asked as the girls left the room. Buffy couldn't stop the smile that crept onto her lips at the mention of her boyfriend's name.
"Yep, he's meeting us there."
"He's gonna LOVE what you got him, Buffy," Willow said enthusiastically as the exited the house.
"I hope so," she said happily as they got into the car and headed for her
mother's house, Jewel's Christmas CD blaring.