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Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Author's Notes: I own no one. They are all the property of Joss Whedon. Aside from that, I suppose this story and the ones that will follow it require some explanation. As of the latest episode, “Expecting,” I have decided it might be fun to write down journal entries the way I imagine Cordelia would write them. There will be at least one to mark each episode of the series thus far, and will end whenever the Angel Series Finale airs. Hope you enjoy the look into Cordelia’s mind as much as I will enjoy writing about it.
On a side note, each entry will be subtitled with a quote from the episode of which it’s about. Enjoy:
“Angelus May Not Be The Most Relaxing Company, But At Least He‘s Honest!”
March 3, 2000
Well, it finally happened. All my fears and anticipation over the worst thing you could imagine turned out to be more than a case of paranoia: Angel’s evil side took over once more, although only temporarily. And although his demon half made a show of saying some pretty nasty things, I can’t decide if I’m more mad at it or Angel himself... or the bitch actress who caused this mess!
At the start of the week, I had gotten my first starring role in a stage play... okay, I was the only understudy they had when the real lead actress called in sick, but... The short version was that I had invited Angel and Wesley to come see it. Afterwards, out in the street, I was quizzing the guys on what they thought, which was kind of a nightmare. The reason being that... well, it seemed like both Wesley and Angel were choosing words carefully or trying to dodge the issue altogether. I probably would have raised more of a fuss, except that I caught sight of REBECCA LOWELL, one of my all-time FAVORITE and FAMOUS actresses at that point!!
And to add to my excitement, while I was raving to the guys over how fabulous Rebecca was and how much I loved her, Angel surprised me by SAVING her from getting hit by a car! Rebecca and her manager (Oliver) were pretty much set to repay him, but Angel declined. And I’m sure it surprised both of them in turn when he confessed to not even knowing who she was, that her superstardom hadn’t influenced that move at all. I guess that’s what got Rebecca interested enough to drop by our office the next day (I’d given her our business card) to ask for help.
Rebecca and Angel retired to his office to discuss the matter privately, though I was eavesdropping on the whole conversation. They started off with mild chitchat, then Rebecca revealed the reason she was here; she had a stalker who’d been sending her threatening letters, making calls in the middle of the night, etc. And she wanted Angel on the case to take care of it. Imagine my immense shock when he actually DECLINED that offer!
After Rebecca had left, I set in to ream him out for it, demanding an explanation, which Wesley provided. Seems Angel actually liked her, and I guess he assumed it would be better to avoid her in the long run... The whole deal with my vampire boss is that he’s cursed with a soul, and any moment of true happiness, sheer contentment, for him will cause that curse to be broken. Not a good thing, I’m telling you. Still, I didn’t care at that point. I WANTED him to help her; enough so that I even made a poor attempt at faking a vision. Of course, Angel saw right through my petty charade, so it looked like my arguments weren’t going to amount to anything. Thus, I left the office that evening feeling nothing but frustration.
Two days later, though, I arrived at work due for a big surprise. Angel had spent the night at Rebecca’s. He hadn’t changed his mind or anything; he’d been keeping tabs on her the whole time! Nevertheless, I had to go over there to check things out, primarily make sure that Angel was still himself. I think my appearance and the fact that I was wearing a cross kind of put him off, but he assured me that he wasn’t evil. And even bigger surprise: he actually TOLD Rebecca what he is. I’m surprised she didn’t throw him out on the spot.
The simple part is that, with Angel’s help, Rebecca’s “stalker” was captured that very evening. Well, not really a stalker, but rather a stuntman her manager had HIRED to build some publicity for her. Apparently, Rebecca’s acting career has been sinking since this sitcom she’d starred on for nine years had been canceled, and just recently, she lost another role she’d been fighting pretty hard for.
Rebecca herself revealed all this to me when she invited me out for a day of shopping and for lunch. I was just so psyched being treated like an actress’ best friend and the fact that she thought I could really make it in the biz! So much that I didn’t really pay much attention to the questions she asked until later.
I called Wesley over to my place early in the evening in a sort of panic, revealing to him that Rebecca was asking a lot of questions on how one becomes a vampire. Knowing her, it was just a ploy to make herself young and beautiful forever; she couldn’t have known that a demon would kick her out of residence and she’d just be dead... Anyway, we knew that Angel would never go for this little scheme of hers, but it had the two of us rushing to the office anyway. We suspected that Rebecca would find a way around the reluctance part, so it was up to us to nip this thing in the bud.
We arrived a little too late unfortunately, and we found Rebecca climbing out of the apartment’s lift (stopped between floors, I might add). She was a bloody mess, all beaten and scared out of her wits. She frantically admitted that Angel had tried to kill her, and under our inquiries into the matter, revealed that she’d slipped him a drug that simulates bliss! I know, from Wesley’s explanations, that it wasn’t real happiness; it was just a close imitation and it should wear off eventually.
The three of us had just started out of the office when the lights went dead and Angelus (my boss’ alter ego) made an appearance. Wesley tried to warn him away, and that only started the demon on its little vicious diatribe. He called Wesley inferior, then knocked him out for the time being and turned to me.
The part that really hurts is that Angelus went on and on about what he really thought of my performance earlier, that I was a terrible actress who’d never amount to anything. But despite my pain, I proved him wrong! I actually tricked him into believing a bottle of mineral water was holy water, giving him pause enough for Wesley to recover and knock him down the elevator shaft, rendering him unconscious.
While Angel\Angelus was out, Rebecca fled the apartment without a word, but I knew that she wouldn’t be back, what with the way that demon put the fear of God in her! In the meantime, Wesley and I made a point of chaining our boss to the bed. When Angel awoke the next morning, he seemed to be back to normal, but the hurt was still there. The three of us hashed it out; apologies were made and Wes and I had no problem forgiving him. But not enough to actually let him loose then, instead Wesley and I let him stew for a couple hours.
In closing, I have to say that maybe Angelus has a point. Maybe I’m not the best actress that ever lived, as proved by my stage performance and the lousy attempt at faking a vision. But I KNOW, if I can fool a two-hundred-plus vampire into believing a deception concocted by me, then I HAVE to be doing SOMETHING right!