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Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Author's Notes: I own no one. They are all the property of Joss Whedon. Aside from that, I suppose this story and the ones that will follow it require some explanation. As of the latest episode, “Expecting,” I have decided it might be fun to write down journal entries the way I imagine Cordelia would write them. There will be at least one to mark each episode of the series thus far, and will end whenever the Angel Series Finale airs. Hope you enjoy the look into Cordelia’s mind as much as I will enjoy writing about it.
On a side note, each entry will be subtitled with a quote from the episode of which it’s about. Enjoy:
“Cordelia Was Right About You Being The Real Deal In The Hero Department.”
December 2, 1999
Fortunately, I’m finding time to write this while waiting for Doyle to call with an update; he and Angel are currently off on a new mission. I know it’s been my policy to wait until after each adventure to chronicle it, but I couldn’t wait with this one. You’ll never guess what Angel revealed to Doyle and I regarding Buffy’s visit.
Things had been extremely slow for us since the Mohra demon attacked, and we weren’t exactly drawing in any cash. Plus, Angel had been spending the past week just moping around the office, which I had figured meant he was still bruised from whatever Buffy had said to him. Finally, I got around to pitching the idea of advertising to Angel, even laid out this brilliant commercial format I had thought up for him. And he ended up shooting it down!
Naturally, I wasn’t ready to give up, which led to me making a film of Doyle advertising what our business is all about instead. Which of course led to another dead end; the guy has absolutely no acting experience to speak of; his little spiel couldn’t have been any less convincing... or maybe it’s just because he was nervous, being in front of a camera and all. In any event, we talked it over, and I guess we agreed that Angel was spending just a little too much time brooding over the Buffy issue, because Doyle said he’d talk to him.
When Doyle met me out in the stairwell later, he had the most AMAZING story to share. I still can’t believe this one, but... from Angel’s point of view, Buffy’s visit wasn’t as brief as we’d originally thought. Turns out, this Mohra demon attacked not once but twice; the first time, it had gotten away with minor injuries. Angel and Buffy had even tracked it for a bit before splitting up. And (this is gonna sound unbelievable) when Angel got around to killing it in that reality, some of it’s blood mixed with his and made him 100% HUMAN!
Also in said reality, Angel and Buffy WERE together with no complications and they were happy... at least until some other demon attacked and made Angel realize it wasn’t safe for him or her if he couldn’t fight these monsters anymore. Although it was probably a difficult decision, he ended up having that day erased, so none of it ever happened. The only condition being that only he would remember the events to stop the Mohra demon before it could do any damage.
I’ve always known that Angel was nothing short of heroic, but I didn’t think he had it in him to make a sacrifice of this extent. He’s loved Buffy from the moment he met her, and I sure it killed him once he realized he’d lose too much (like his soul) if he got too close. That’s part of the curse of being a vampire; any moment of true happiness for him will only turn him evil once more. Being mortal, on the other hand... I don’t know how he could have given it up, how he could trade a lifetime with her for an eternity alone!
Also, I don’t understand why Angel would keep this from Doyle and I. We see him on a daily basis; there’s no reason he should have hidden something this big. Secrets are never good; they only fester if kept bottled up too long... Doyle had to agree with me there, claiming that his marriage to Harry would have stood a better chance if they’d just been open with each other. At that point, he looked like he wanted to tell me something, but didn’t get the chance. Another of those darn visions he has from time-to-time struck then, which is what subsequently drove him and Angel to venture out come night fall.
I think Doyle and I stand a definite chance at getting together. The more time I hang around him, the more I see just how nice he is. And it helps that he’s getting to be a little more open... and that I’ve been softening towards him. Now that I think about it, I see that Doyle has a lot of good attributes going for him. He’s sweet, he’s considerate, he listens to me and even understands my pain... And what’s even better, he’ll rally to my defense and even Angel’s if the situation calls for it...
Oh, there’s the phone... Must be Doyle calling from wherever he is with further instructions. So, be back soon to fill you in of the rest. Adieu...