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Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Author's Notes: I own no one. They are all the property of Joss Whedon. Aside from that, I suppose this story and the ones that will follow it require some explanation. As of the latest episode, “Expecting,” I have decided it might be fun to write down journal entries the way I imagine Cordelia would write them. There will be at least one to mark each episode of the series thus far, and will end whenever the Angel Series Finale airs. Hope you enjoy the look into Cordelia’s mind as much as I will enjoy writing about it.
On a side note, each entry will be subtitled with a quote from the episode of which it’s about. Enjoy:
“First They Talk Out Their Differences, Then They Punch Them Out.”
November 27, 1999
Of all the visitors we could have received, I somehow never imagined that Angel’s ex-girlfriend would be one of them. He and Buffy had had a pretty bad breakup from what I’d heard, and I thought she wouldn’t be keen on the idea of seeing him face to face again. So imagine my surprise when she showed up unexpectedly at our office here in LA.
Geez, here I go getting ahead of myself again... As I wrote in my last entry, Angel had gone to Sunnydale to watch over and protect Buffy after Doyle’d had a vision that she was in trouble. And that’s all he did, was watch, as he informed the two of us the morning after he’d gotten back. Angel claimed he had stayed in the shadows, and that Buffy never even knew he was there, but SHE was quick to inform us otherwise when she showed.
Buffy was upset more than anything, which I can understand. Who wouldn’t be peeved at finding out their ex was in town without bothering to inform them? In any case, it was clear that she and Angel should be alone to deal with this, so I was quick to hustle Doyle out of the room and invite him out to a movie in the meantime.
We hadn’t quite made it out the front door when the racket started, and I remember saying to Doyle upon hearing the sounds of fighting that it was better not to get into the middle of things. Thus, we would leave Buffy and Angel to their little tiff and let THEM work it out. Odd thing was... for the next few hours, I couldn't shake this intense feeling of deja vu. It was almost as if... well, the whole afternoon spent with Doyle seemed just a little TOO familiar, if that makes sense, almost as if we'd experienced it before. But, that's impossible, isn't it...?
Things got weirder when we got back. For some reason, I almost expected to find more than a broken window in the room where Buffy and Angel had been. I don’t know; it sounds stupid, but I even bent to check the floor for a pile of dust (or evidence that Buffy may have slayed him). There was nothing there of course-- unless you count what was under the rug, where I forgot to vacuum.
Nevertheless, the broken window had Doyle and I going to see Angel downstairs to find out what had happened. And, as it turns out, a Mohra demon (I think that’s what he called it) had come to attack him and Buffy after we’d left, the kind of demon who makes a living out of slaying warriors on the side of good or something... Angel can explain it better than I can... In any event, he’d managed to kill it in short order. Afterwards, he and Buffy quietly agreed to stick to their plan to avoid each other until the romantic feelings faded, and she walked out.
Still, I got the sense that the encounter and the finality of it hurt Angel more than he’s letting on, which I don’t get. He’s the one who broke up with Buffy to begin with; that was HIS decision. But the way he’s acting... I guess he regrets it, but it’s too late to change now. Angel wanted her to have a better life, wanted her to have more than a cursed vampire who will turn evil at the first second of being truly happy. However, there’s a fine line between imagining something and seeing it for real, and I guess he’s just now realizing it. He just has to live with it.
But if that’s true... why do I keep having doubts as to the validity of it? I keep having this feeling that SOMETHING is off here... I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s like there’s this deep-seated instinct in me saying that those two SHOULD be together!
Much as I try to rationalize it, I can’t come up with an answer for what I’m experiencing. Or... maybe I can. In between the deja vu, the deep-down intuition that something’s not right... In a nutshell, this entire day just doesn’t seem REAL! It’s driving me so nuts, I just wish I could understand what’s causing it...