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“Of course! It’s so simple!” Giles’ voice drifted over the bookcase. Buffy leaped to her feet and followed the sound of his voice. He was standing in the back of the library, holding an open book.
“What is it?” she asked. They’d spent another day looking, but this was the first sign of anything. Well, actually, Giles had spent the whole day looking. Buffy had been working on her fighting skills with Angel most of the day, but by the afternoon they were both pretty tired and Buffy had come over to give what help she could, with a promise from Angel to come as soon as he could.
“It’s a very simple answer, something I should have thought of before. What do Thesulan orbs do?” Giles quizzed her.
“Hold souls,” Buffy answered at once. That one was pretty easy. After all, it was hard to forget anything having to do with getting Angel back.
“Y-yes, but there’s another little known property,” he said. “It says here . . . it says that the orbs can also hold, well . . . p-power.”
“Like a Slayer’s power?” Buffy asked. Giles nodded.
“Precisely . . . at least, I think so,” Giles said.
“So all we need to do is change Ms. Calendar’s spell to take power instead of restoring a soul, right?” Buffy asked.
“I-I believe that is how it would work,” Giles agreed. Buffy smiled and clapped her hands, then turned to Jon, who stood behind her.
“Where’s Lyrik? We’ll need her,” Buffy said. Jon nodded.
“She’s getting soda. I’ll go get her,” he said, then nearly ran off. Buffy turned back to Giles.
“You can do this right? Change the spell?” He nodded, more involved in the book than in her.
“It would help to talk to Angel,” he said. “He’s coming as soon as it gets dark, which should be pretty soon,” Buffy informed her Watcher.
“Good. Well, I’d better get to work.” He brushed past her and Buffy followed, knowing that there wasn’t anything she could really do right now. She wasn’t very good at the spell thing.
“At least we have something,” Buffy murmured.
“W-what was that?” Giles asked.
“Nothing,” Buffy said. Yes, they had something, but the slightly sick feeling in Buffy’s stomach still hadn’t gone away.
“Well? What’s the consensus?” Buffy demanded as Giles emerged from his office, Angel and Lyrik close behind. The library windows were all tightly covered, so Angel didn’t have to stay in the office.
“I’m afraid the news isn’t . . . isn’t entirely good,” Giles said.
“What? You mean you can’t change the spell?” she asked. Giles looked startled, then shook his head hurriedly.
“N-no, we can change it, but not quite as easily as . . . as I’d hoped,” Giles replied.
“What’s wrong then?” Buffy demanded, turning to Angel in search of a clearer answer. They’d been closeted in Giles’ office all night, though Lyrik had left for a good part of that, Buffy thought. She herself had gone home to sleep for a while, but it was morning now and they were all gathered in the library.
“A soul isn’t the same thing as power,” Angel replied. She could feel his Cryptic Guy thing coming on, and turned to Lyrik in exasperation.
“Will you tell me what’s going on?” she asked. Lyrik gave her a compassionate (if tired) smile.
“It’s like Angel said. Slayer power and an actual soul are really different things. The orbs don’t work the same way with the two different things. From what I gathered from Giles and Angel, you can store a soul in a Thesulan orb for a long time. Permanently even, once the spell is cast. And to return the soul you have to recast the spell, only opposite. Well with power, it’s different. The orbs can hold it, but only for a limited period of time. Basically as long as the spellcaster can stay inside the pentacle that you have to cast the spell in. If the spellcaster leaves the pentacle the power goes back to where it was taken from. Namely, Annwyl,” Lyrik explained. Buffy took this in, then smiled.
“That’s no problem then. Giles can stay in the pentacle plenty long enough for me to kill Annwyl,” Buffy said, wondering what they were all so serious about.
“There’s one thing . . . one thing Ms. Washington neglected to tell you,” Giles said. “Another of the properties of this power that is different from a soul is that it is, well, rather harder to summon. That is, the spellcaster must have the same kind of power that they are calling.”
“But that would mean I would have to cast the spell,” Buffy said. The only answer she needed was in their eyes. “I can’t! In case you forgot, I AM the Slayer. I’m sort of supposed to fight the vampire.”
“Angel will have to fight Annwyl while you . . . keep the spell intact,” her Watcher said.
“But—” Buffy began, and stopped. If what they said was right, that was the only option. And Angel could fight, she’d give him that. He was as powerful as she was. Still, she was the Slayer. This was her fight. She looked up at Angel and saw an apology in his eyes. She took a deep breath.
“Well if that’s what has to happen, that’s what has to happen, but I don’t have to like it!” she exclaimed. Angel smiled and Lyrik laughed.
“Why don’t you go get some sleep,” Buffy told Lyrik. “You have a couple of hours before your first class. You can crash in Giles’ office. His couch is pretty comfortable. I know from experience,” Buffy confided.
“Are you sure? I have to teach you the spell,” Lyrik protested, though weakly.
“Absolutely and totally sure. Giles’ can give me the skinny on the spell while Angel and I get in some practice. Now go,” Buffy said in her best teacher voice, giving Lyrik a push towards the office. The girl went willingly, after a moment longer of hesitation.
“Practice?” Angel asked when she was gone. Buffy nodded firmly.
“Practice. Yesterday we were concentrating on my fighting technique. Today we concentrate on yours. If you’re facing Annwyl tonight you’re going to need to be at your best. So put ‘em up!” Buffy cried, beginning to circle. Angel obediently went into his fighting stance.
“But the spell! It is imperative that you—” Giles began but Buffy cut him off.
“Tell me about it as we fight. I’m a great multi-tasker you know. I used to talk to Willow on the phone, watch TV, paint my nails and do my homework all at the same time. Of course, Willow’s not the best regular phone conversationalist (she’s much better on a video phone), so you could probably count that one out, but that’s still three things at a time, right? So I’m sure I can learn the spell while figh—” she stopped suddenly as Angel attacked her with a low punch which she blocked easily, almost getting in a kick before he rolled away from her, coming up and circling again.
“Where was I?” Buffy asked. “Oh yeah, I’m sure I can learn the spell and fight at the same time. So go on.” Giles looked a little unsure at her true multi-tasking skills, and a little annoyed at her lack of concentration, but obediently picked up the spell and began telling her about that part.
Buffy saw a weak spot in Angel’s defense and attacked, dropping and rolling and coming up right beside him, pulling his legs out beneath him. He landed easily and did a back somersault to a standing position. Taking advantage of her unsteadiness he grabbed an arm to flip her over, but she twisted and flipped him over her shoulder instead.
“You’re really into seeing me on the ground, aren’t you?” Angel asked as he stood up.
“I like shorter guys,” Buffy replied, going in for a kick. She misjudged how quickly he recovered from a fall though, and he dodged, grabbing her leg in the process and flipping her over for once.
“My my, the stakes are turned, aren’t they?” Angel asked as he pinned her down before she had a chance to rise. She stuck out a tongue at him and brought her legs up to push him off and across the library. “My my, the stakes are turned, aren’t they?” she repeated, advancing upon him. She’d kicked him harder than she had meant to, and he was slow getting to his feet. She was one him before he could.
Buffy felt something very strange going through her. He shrugged in a gesture of surrender, but she wasn’t watching. She was seeing something else. Something that had happened fifteen years ago. And she didn’t see Angel anymore—she saw Angelus. Angelus drinking the blood of one of her best friends. Xander. Who would have laughed if anyone had told him that he would someday be vampire-fodder. Laughed and told them to just try, he would take on the whole town full of vampires. No laughing anymore.
Giles looked up, getting the feeling that Buffy was really not listening anymore. To find out that he was right. Too right. She wasn’t listening to him, she wasn’t listening to Angel who was asking her what was wrong. She was only advancing, the light of death in her eyes.
“Buffy? What’s going on?” Angel asked. “Buffy? It’s over. The practice is over.” But she kept going. He stood up and moved warily away. She kept after him. And then she attacked, and this time she was in earnest.
She sent a kick to his jaw, which he ducked, but followed it quickly with a punch which he couldn’t quite get away from in time. He rolled away, holding his side where she had punched him, and got to his feet again, still talking, trying to soothe her. Something told him that she heard nothing of what he was saying. She turned and kept after him. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want her to hurt him. After all, there was still Annwyl to face, and he would need to be in good shape for that.
Giles had gone into the hall, looking for Jon (who was expected any second) to help him stop the fight. It was only Buffy and Angel. Like it had been that night, but then there had been Xander’s corpse as well. No Xander this time. Not to Angel. Buffy saw him though. She saw him calling out, saw him falling to the floor. Saw Angel smile at her over his body. Smile that horrible, blood-stained smile. He would not get away again. She would not let him.
Buffy attacked again and once again Angel fended her off and escaped, but she had gotten his jaw this time, and it hurt like hell. There must be something else he could do. She had gone crazy. She wasn’t even looking at him when she attacked. Her green eyes were focused somewhere else, on some other time, on some other Angel. Or on Angelus. But this wasn’t Angelus now. It was Angel, and he had to bring her back.
The next time she attacked he was ready. He caught her tightly against him. She stiffened, fighting to get away, but Angel held on fast. Buffy raised an arm, her hand clenched around something that was not there, and drove it against Angel’s chest, as hard as she could. He held her tightly. “It’s all right. You’re not there, Buffy. I’m Angel. It’s all right. Not Angelus; Angel,” he said softly, over and over again. She looked up at his face finally, her eyes startled.
“Angel?” she asked softly, sounding like a lost child.
“Yes. It’s Angel. And everything is all right. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” Gradually she relaxed against him, breathing in his scent and feeling his strong arms around her. What had happened? She remembered vaguely feeling like it was night, but the shades were closed, which meant it must be day time. And they were in the library. Somehow she’d thought they were somewhere else. There had been someone bad there. Someone she had to kill. And Xander . . . Xander was dead! The news hit her like a blow, though she had known it for fifteen years. She felt as if it had just happened. But this time Angel was here, holding her, protecting her. Even though he had killed Xander.
Xander. Dead.
Buffy began to cry.
Angel held her against him, not even looking up when Giles and Jon came rushing in to the library. Giles breathed a sigh of relief when he saw them and Jon gave Angel a strange look. They were oblivious. Buffy cried for her friend that was gone and Angel held her, knowing as he had never known anything that it was his fault. His fault she cried. He could take anything but making her cry. She was his light, all that he was allowed anymore. And he had hurt her, hurt her badly.
Angel wished that she had killed him when she had the chance. Then he would not have to listen to her cry.