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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. They really belong to Joss Whedon, the WB and Fox, as well as some other people I'm sure I'm forgetting...don't sue please.
Author's Notes: This takes place right before Becoming, and I totally made up the Anniversary. I don't know what it's the anniversary of, but I needed it for the story. Forgive me, and don't sue...please! This is the first story in a trilogy and should definitely be read first. In the next two an important new character is added, plus new bad guys and all that great stuff, but this one's basically Angel/Buffy restoration stuff. Any comments (especially good ones) are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy...
Happy Anniversary, the note said. She wasn’t as good as you. That was all. That was enough. More than enough.
The girl had been raped before her blood had been drained from her. She couldn’t be older than thirteen or fourteen. He had left her on the roof, outside Buffy’s window. So she would see when she opened the blinds. And she had. She had certainly seen.
There was a rose too—one rose, and the note in his hand writing. It wasn’t signed. It didn’t have to be. She knew who had left it. Of course she knew—who else could it be? It was always him. Always.
This was the last time. The end. He wouldn’t ever do this to her again. He wouldn’t ever do this to anyone.
On the first day of June, with birds singing outside, Buffy vowed for the last time to kill Angelus, who had once been Angel, whom she had loved.
“Giles you’ll never guess what what I found!” Willow cried, running into the library. “Where’s Buffy?” The Watcher looked up at her in suprise.
“Hm?” he asked. “Oh, I haven’t seen her all day. I thought she was with you.” Willow shook her head.
“I haven’t seen her either. She was supposed to meet me earlier to study—you know, finals are coming up—but she didn’t show, so I figured she was here. I wonder where she could be?”
“She probably got distracted with something,” Giles said, rolling his eyes. Willow smiled slightly, then remembered why she had come in.
“But you have to see what I found! It’s a disk, of Ms. Calendar’s,” Willow said excitedly. Giles’ head snapped back up at the mention of the late teacher.
“What is it?” he asked.
“A restoration spell. For Angel! That’s why he killed her, because she found a way to bring her back. I have to tell Buffy! The spell’s actually really simple, but she had to translate it. She’d just found the answer I think when he came in. But he didn’t find the disk—it fell down between the wall and her desk, but my pen fell there this morning and I moved the desk to get it and there was the disk!”
“O-oh my. This . . . this is very . . . well, it could change everything. We must find Buffy at once,” Giles said. Willow nodded.
“I’m sure she’ll come before school starts. Here, I’ll show you while we wait,” Willow said, going over to the library’s one computer—which was only there against Giles’ strenuous objections—and popping the disk in. She double clicked on a file and the spell opened.
“See, here’s the original and here’s her translation. The only thing we need is an Orb of Thessala, whatever that is,” Willow said, pointing to part of the directions. Giles studied the spell intently.
“The question remains . . . that is, do we want to change him back?” Giles pointed out.
“But—” Willow began, then stopped and started again. “I know he killed Ms. Calendar, but that wasn’t really Angel, it was Angelus. Besides, as Angelus he might kill Buffy, and we don’t want her in any extra danger.” Giles was nodding, but he looked very troubled. Well he had taken the computer teacher’s death very hard. They’d been very close at least, if not in love. Willow felt really bad for him, but there was Buffy to think about. Who wasn’t there.
“We should call a meeting, and discuss it later. For the moment could you . . . keep this to yourself?” Giles asked. Willow nodded, then shook her head.
“Well, I have to tell Buffy if I see her,” she pointed out.
“All right. You can tell Buffy, but no one else. For now, at least,” Giles said. Willow nodded, this time satisfied.
“Okay. I’m going to go look for her. I’m sort of worried. I’ll see you at lunch,” Willow said, tucking the disk in a protective case and into her pocket. “And I’m going to make everyone copies of the disk, just in case.”
“G-good idea,” Giles said, his thoughts obviously elsewhere.
“Well, ‘bye,” Willow said, waving as she left the library.
“Good bye,” he said absently, turning away as soon as the door shut behind Willow. Here was a chance to restore the soul of one of the more dangerous vampires they faced . . . and return the man Buffy was . . . extremely attached to. On of the other hand, it would be giving away all chance of vengeance for Jenny’s death. But wasn’t this what she had wanted? Giles took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. He had suddenly developed a horrible headache.
A part of Buffy’s mind registered that school was starting any minute and that she had missed an arranged meeting with Willow to study. A very small part of her mind.
She’d left home like any other morning, telling her mom she felt like walking that morning, so Joyce wouldn’t drive her to school. Her mother had looked puzzled, but kissed her good bye and told her to be good. Be good. Oh yes, she’d be very good. She was going to do what she should have done a long time ago. Kill Angel. Or Angelus. Or whoever. As long as it stopped. No one else was going to get hurt because she couldn’t do what was needed. Because whenever she looked at him all she could see was the man she loved.
Never again. From now on Buffy was going to see the vampire. The killer. The creature of the night. And she was going to kill him.
She couldn’t do it right away. For one thing, she couldn’t just go down to his little hideout. She knew she couldn’t fight them all off, and besides, it was only Angelus she wanted now. The rest could wait. She would kill them too—just not right away. Or even as soon as possible. Him she would kill as soon as possible.
She’d have to get him out of his lair. Buffy could do it, but it might take a little while. So it probably wouldn’t be that night. In the meanwhile she needed a place to hide. She couldn’t go to school, not like this. She’d have to face them all, and tell them about . . . She couldn’t do it. They would try to stop her anyway. They would tell her that she should wait, wait for a weak spot. But she couldn’t wait. She had to strike now. To kill him now. As soon as possible. And she certainly couldn’t go home and listen to her mother’s worried questions and/or lectures, depending on her mood. She needed a place to hide.
She went to his apartment. He never used it anymore, but for some reason all his stuff was still there. And she still had a key to the door. She let herself in, switched on the light, looked around. It was still familiar. Everything was so familiar. Right where it had been the last time she’d come there.
Buffy’s leg shot out suddenly and a vase tumbled to the floor and broke into little pieces. She didn’t know why she’d done that. She just had to break something . . . of his. It had been a beautiful vase though, and he had loved it. Before.
*Before I took away his soul,* her mind whispered. But she hadn’t known. Hadn’t had any idea.
She should have known. She should have. He hadn’t even wanted . . . well he had, but he said *maybe we shouldn’t* and she had shaken her head and kissed him and they had and it was all her fault.
Buffy dropped to her knees beside the pieces of the vase and began picking them up, trying to restore it, though she knew it was impossible. As it was impossible to restore his soul. All she ever did was break. She couldn’t fix anything.
“Stop it,” Buffy told herself out loud, letting the pieces slide out of her fingers, to the floor. “You have a job to do.” And she would do it. This time she would do it. She would not fail again. There would be no more casualties of her cowardice. She would do it this time.
She took his ring off her finger.
“So what’s the big deal? And where’s Buffy? I haven’t seen her all day,” Xander remarked. Willow and Giles exchanged worried looks. The Watcher and all the Slayerettes were gathered in the library for lunch, but the Slayer herself was noticeably absent.
“I haven’t seen her either. She was supposed to meet me this morning but she never came,” Willow said.
“Isn’t she supposed to like, call if she’s staying home sick? I mean, she could think of someone else for a moment,” Cordelia remarked.
“And who would that be?” Xander asked.
“Well, me for one. I worry!” she protested. Xander arched his eyebrows.
“We all know you worry—about your hair, your make-up, your—”
“I worry about mo—”
“Would you two please quit for a moment?” Giles interupted sharply. They both fell silent and looked to the librarian, though they kept exchanging annoyed glances. “We have . . . rather a minor crisis on our hands, and no one knows where Buffy is. Who saw her last?”
“We studied together last night,” Willow said. “She’s really worried about finals. She seemed fine though. I mean . . . as fine as usual. I’ll go call her and see if she just forgot to call in today.” Giles nodded and Willow—with a smile for Oz—walked into his office to use the phone.
“So what’s this crisis? Any new demons in town? A witch or two? Or there’s always the classic vampire,” Xander said. Giles shook his head.
“None of those. It’s not . . . not precisely a crisis. I wanted to wait for Buffy, but since she’d obviously not here at the moment I don’t see any reason to wait,” he said.
“Um . . . Willow?” Oz suggested, speaking up for the first time.
“She already knows,” Giles said.
“Why does Willow know?” Cordelia demanded. “I mean, it’s not like she does more than any of us! Unfair much!”
“She knows because she was the one that discovered the . . . crisis,” Giles said, obviously fed up.
“Well fine! You could have told us that before!” Cordelia exclaimed.
“Now’s the time to give up while you still have SOME dignity left,” Xander pointed out. “Well, dignity may be too strong a word with you, but . . .” She shot him a poisonous look but subsided. He shut up at another look from Giles.
“So are we gonna hear what this crisis is?” Oz asked. Giles opened his mouth to reply, but Willow walked back in with a worried look on her face.
“What is it?” Xander asked.
“Her mom was home for lunch and she said Buffy came to school like normal this morning. She said Buffy seemed a little strange and said she wanted to walk to school. Buffy NEVER wants to walk to school,” Willow exclaimed.
“What kind of strange?” Xander asked.
“What KIND of strange? That definitely takes the cake for stupid questions in a moment of crisis,” Cordelia put in. Xander turned to reply but Willow was already talking.
“Withdrawn, her mom said. She wouldn’t say much, and she had a totally blank expression on her face. I wonder if Angel did something to her,” Willow said.
“Angelus,” Giles corrected. Willow nodded and Xander sighed. Personally, he’d never seen much difference between the two. Well, okay he had, but that was beside the point.
“What could he have done to her in her bedroom? I mean, she changed the locks and dis-invited him and everything, so he can’t come in anymore, right?” Cordelia said.
“Right,” Willow confirmed, trying to convince herself everything was fine. “He could still come up on her roof though, and talk to her. Or leave something there. Something bad. I bet Buffy would react like that if he left her something really bad,” Willow said, getting more panicked.
“Well let’s assume he did. What would she do?” Giles asked.
“It depends on how bad. She might . . . decide she had to kill him. But she wouldn’t be stupid enough to go after him with all those other vampires around. She would never even GET to Angel that way,” Willow said.
“Maybe he like totally freaked her out and then somehow had her abducted while she wasn’t being careful,” Cordelia suggested. Willow turned white and spun around to Giles.
“We have to do it then! Right away! What if he has her right now?” Willow exclaimed. Giles looked extremely frightened and everyone else looked frightened and slightly confused.
“I think there’s something I’m not getting here,” Oz said slowly.
“Do what? And what’s this crisis thing anyway?” Cordelia demanded. Giles turned to the other Slayerettes and told them about the restoration spell.
“But we can’t do it! He doesn’t deserve his soul back! He killed Ms. Calendar!” Xander exclaimed.
“What about Buffy? What if he has her Knowing Angel, he wouldn’t kill her right away, so we might have time. But we have to do it, if there’s even a chance to save Buffy!” Willow exclaimed vehemently.
“She’s right Xander,” Cordelia said. “Buffy’s more important. I mean, she’s living, right? We can help her. We can’t help Ms. Calendar.”
“Willow and Cordelia are right. We must do the ritual, and as soon as possible. First, we need an Orb of Thessala. I looked them up earlier. They look like little glass balls for the most part, but there are distinctions,” Giles said, picking up a book and opening it to a marked page. They all looked intently at the picture.
“I’ll check the pawn shops around town,” Oz volunteered.
“I’ll go with him,” Willow said.
“And Cordie and I can go visit our dear friend the local snitch,” Xander said.
“I’ll prepare the other ingredients,” Giles said, nodding.
“And try to think of places Buffy might go . . . in case Angelus doesn’t have her and she’s just freaked out or something,” Willow said. “I’ll keep checking at her house.”
“Good. We’ll meet back here tonight at sundown. Good luck,” Giles
said. The bell rang and they all turned away to go to class, but among
them all, not one was thinking of school.