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Disclaimer: The characters in this story are, I’m sad to say, not mine. I was thinking of suing for custody, what do you guys think? Anyway, they belong to Joss Whedon (the Spawn of Satan), Mutant Enemy, and Twentieth Century Fox. Whoever else wants to claim them, be my guest. All I know is they aren’t mine.
Author’s Notes: Okay, you guys knew it was coming. Yeah, you did. Don’t try to deny it. My first fic that has Riley in it. We won’t get into the mucho gross stuff yet, this was inspired by watching ‘Great Expectations’ late one night and thinking of how cool it would be to have Buffy and Angel be in Finn and Estella’s shoes. So here we go. Feedback is much appreciated, I live for it in fact. And if you’re one of those people who love Riley, I don’t want to hear from you and have you bash me for writing about him when he hasn’t even been cast yet.
Buffy sat in the adorable cafe her friends had found in downtown L.A. Sure, it was a trip, about a half hour away from campus, but it had its charm and the Scooby Gang had quickly fallen in love with it. Buffy glanced around at her friends, absentmindedly twirling her straw around in her Diet Pepsi. Willow and Oz, who’s hair was a pale shade of purple these days, sat together, Oz’s arm draped casually over the back of Willow’s chair. Buffy smiled at her friend when she met Willow’s eyes, but it was rather forced and Willow gazed at her with a concerned look on her face. Buffy shrugged it off, dislocating Riley’s arm from where it had been resting on her shoulder comfortably. He gave her a quick look but she couldn’t bare to meet his eyes.
She tuned her friends out completely, wondering what was wrong with her. She should be so happy right now. She was in college, living away from home, had wonderful friends, the slaying was at an all time lull, Giles was *actually* being lenient for once, and she had Riley. Riley, who understood she needed time and space to heal her heart. Riley, who was so the total opposite of Angel.
Angel. At the thought of him Buffy’s heart constricted and she fought to breath. Fought the onslaught of memories her mind had compiled in a little folder marked ‘Angel’ and used to torment her heart and soul. So much pain...pain from her memories, pain from her heartache. Pain from her love. She fought to keep the tears down as more memories assaulted her battered heart and wounded soul.
She didn’t understand herself at all. She had Riley. The perfect guy. The guy she could bring home to the ‘rents. She had, in fact, brought Riley home to meet her mom. He had insisted, actually, she had been rather hesitant to do so. The look of joy on her mother’s face was one Buffy would never forget.
“I’m so glad you have him,” Joyce had said as she and Buffy had cleaned up after dinner. Buffy froze, plate about to be put in the dishwasher still in her hand, as her mother continued. “He’s so much better for you than that Angel character.”
Had Joyce Summers had an ounce of common sense she would have known not to bring up the subject of Angel. Buffy never talked about him to anyone, not even Willow. But since she didn’t, Joyce didn’t catch the cold shadow that fell across her daughter’s face. She didn’t see Buffy’s legs tremble and give out, and she didn’t hear the plate that dropped into the dishwasher with a loud clunk as Buffy braced herself on the counter to bear all the excruciating pain that she felt for all she had been through.
Buffy hadn’t said anything as Joyce continued to babble on about how great everything was. She was too busy trying to keep herself alive, keep herself from suffocating and drowning in the sadness she felt. Riley had chosen that moment to enter--such impeccable timing--and had wrapped his arms around her like Angel used to do. She slipped out of them and excused herself, running to the bathroom and leaving a bewildered Riley and Joyce with a smile on her face in her ignorance.
She was brought out of her reverie by the food that was placed in front of her. The others dug in hungrily but she could only pick at her pasta, feeling no hunger. Only an ache...
She really didn’t know what had possessed her to go out with Riley in the first place. He could be so damn annoying sometimes, analyzing every little thing she did. She did know why it had been him, though. It was his complete oppositeness from Angel. Where Angel had been dark haired, Riley was light. Angel feasted on blood and Riley on pizza and Snickers. Angel was pale, Riley looked like he had spent one afternoon too many in the sun without sun block. Angel was mysterious, Riley was not.
She hadn’t wanted to date another guy that would remind her of Angel. He was always on her mind, haunting her every second. She knew she was still in love with him, she had accepted that fact long ago. Riley was a mere distraction, she didn’t really feel anything towards him. She had in the beginning, but Angel was the one she yearned for. Her body burned for his, her soul ached for his, her lips wanted to taste him once more. Angel was still in every one of her dreams, she had called out for him on more than one occasion. Willow had never said a word about it, but Buffy could see in her eyes that she knew.
God, how she ached. She needed him so much, six lonely months had only increased her desire. She felt so empty, so utterly alone. She had seen him once and that in itself had been too much to bear. The raw pain his eyes had held spoke to her in ways no words could express. He ached just as much as she did, of that she had no doubt. She wondered how much more she could take before she snapped...
Riley leaned over and brushed his lips on her cheek. Thunder boomed in the distance and a flash of lightning lit up the darkened sky at the exact same moment torrents of rain began to fall. Buffy sat opposite of the door with a clear view of the avenue. A figure moved down it slowly, hands stuffed in pockets and head bowed. He obviously didn’t care about the rain, he was walking along leisurely as it poured down in buckets. Buffy froze, fork halfway to her mouth.
Angel looked up, suddenly feeling her presence. Impossible...
Their eyes locked through the window as thunder again boomed. Buffy stopped breathing. She felt lightheaded, the room began to spin around her. She vaguely heard her fork clatter to the table, but her mind was numb. She was completely numb.
“Angel...” she whispered at the exact moment he whispered her name. They couldn’t hear each other, but saw mouths move and take the form of the other’s name. Angel stood in the pouring rain, illuminated by the street lamp, watching her. Seeing her with the one he knew made her happy. Buffy was completely unaware of her friends and boyfriend, who had stopped their conversation and were all staring at her. She was lost in Angel’s eyes and in his drenched figure. And her mind flashed back to another storm and she remembered every little detail of that night. His eyes, his lips, his tongue...voices screaming in ecstasy and love that was spread through every orifice of the room. She continued to stare at him and her friends finally got a clue. They swung themselves around to look out the window and gazed in shock.
“What the hell is Dead Boy doing here?” Buffy heard Xander demand. Riley began asking questions, but Buffy wasn’t listening. She was confused and heartbroken and her body awakened under Angel’s longing gaze.
“Angel,” she said again as thunder cracked. With lightning speed she rose and deposited her napkin on the table. She didn’t look back as she exited the cafe, didn’t notice the funny stares, didn’t notice Riley’s face. She didn’t care about anything but the moment. Carpe diem...
She burst outside and into Angel’s waiting arms. She was soaked in an instant, her white tank top clinging and water mixing with her tears. She hadn’t even known she’d been crying...
And then their lips met with fire and agony and passion. His lips had never tasted this good, his kisses had never been with such fervor. She brought her hands up to his face and they roamed over his cheeks, forehead, everywhere she could touch to make sure he was real. Her fingers entwined in his water-logged hair and she pulled him closer, her body clinging to him in a silent plea. She basked in the feeling of being in his arms again, of being safe. Their kisses were so desperate, tongues dueling feverishly, not being able to get enough. Balance was being slowly returned to their rocky worlds, and for a moment they were at peace, wrapped in their love and the water pouring down on them. She had always wondered what it would be like to make out in the rain...
Time froze, they could have stood there for eons and not known. Angel pulled her waist closer to his and held her in place with one arm. His free hand snaked into her hair, running through the wet blond tresses, imprinting them forever in his memory as the rain fell. He felt nothing, knew nothing but Buffy and her love. She broke off gasping for air and looked deeply in his eyes. He saw such love and pain in them, all he wanted to do was make her forget about her pain. He wanted to kiss it all away, to heal her so he wouldn’t have to see the intense agony in her eyes.
Her lips plunged at his again, catching them in a tender kiss, full of pain and longing. She returned her small hands to his cheeks and pulled him closer still, loving him with her tongue. The rain continued to fall on the lovers, but they were too wrapped up in the other to care. Lightning struck as the storm increased its fury. Buffy was soaked to the bone and began to shiver slightly. Angel kissed her again and fire ran through her body, right down to the core of her soul. They broke off and Angel grabbed her hand, pulling her away from her boyfriend and friends. She went willingly, for without his love she was nothing but a shell.
Riley Finn sat in the cafe, stunned and in pain. In a matter of seconds his world had been turned upside down. Tonight was supposed to have been his night, he had planned to tell Buffy he loved her. He was so hurt that Buffy had run to Angel, yet in his heart he knew it was inevitable. He had seen it in her eyes.
Angel began to jog, his fingers tightly interlaced with hers. He could care less what Riley Finn was thinking, the idiot boy had thought he could come between true love. Stupid...the demon in Angel was rearing its ugly head, and he quickly put a stop to it. <Concentrate on the beautiful woman beside you> he told himself. He kept looking over at her, making sure this was what she wanted. One look in her eyes and he ran faster. They passed one block, and then two, Angel running on autopilot back to his apartment. He was so wrapped up with seeing and feeling and touching Buffy again, a bomb could’ve gone off five feet away and he wouldn’t have noticed. He wanted more than anything to make her forget all her pain and worship her like the goddess she was.
Buffy followed her only lover naturally, she was too wrapped up in their love. She didn’t care about consequences, she didn’t care about demons and curses, and she didn’t care about what her friends would say. She gripped Angel’s hand tighter and he looked over at her, leaning his mouth down to capture hers again. She shuddered at the raw intensity of the kiss and she didn’t know how much longer she could take the torture.
They arrived at his building and he fumbled in his duster pocket for the keys while his tongue explored places Buffy never knew she *had* in her mouth. He grasped the key ring and pulled it free, wiping a wet lock of hair out of Buffy’s face at the same time. He quickly opened the door and led her to the elevator. As soon as they were inside, Buffy’s back slammed against the wall and she was impaled by Angel’s lips. He moved them down her throat and she moaned softly, holding his head to her neck. He licked her jugular and she shivered, he was so close. She had no doubt that he would keep control, he had the first time. The doors opened with a ding and Angel detached his lips from her shoulder, leading her in the direction of his apartment. At the threshold he scooped her into his arms and carried her into the softly lit apartment like a groom would do to his bride on their wedding night.
He closed the door with his foot and reached back to lock it as they kissed yet again. This kiss was gentle and full of love and water. Angel carried Buffy softly into his bedroom and she gasped at its beauty. The sheets were red satin and they rustled as he set her down gently in them, not caring that they were wet in an instant. A Chinese screen stood in the corner and a photograph of her sat on his nightstand, which made her smile at the knowledge that he had it.
He laid down next to her and gazed deeply into her eyes. The storm raged on outside, but the lightning was mere sparks compared to the electricity the small room held. Buffy felt no emotions but love, her pain and suffering had vanished for the time being.
“I love you,” Angel said as he caught her lips.
“I love you too, so much it hurts,” she mumbled into his lips. He nodded, knowing exactly how she felt. “I missed you so much...” she said with a note of sadness in her voice.
“Shh...don’t think about it now. Concentrate on the moment. Are you sure about this?” Angel asked hesitantly. Buffy nodded and reached down to pull the sopping tank top over her head. “Let me,” he said, his fingers replacing hers as he drew the article off and away from her body. “So beautiful...” he whispered as he prepared to worship her. She jerked his head upwards and captured it in a fiery kiss.
“I need you inside of me,” she said. Angel nodded, knowing how she felt.
They became one, mind, body, and soul. They moved until the point of exhaustion, then cuddled together under the damp blankets. Angel lay on his back with his arms wrapped possessively around his lover, her head resting on his chest. She sighed contently.
“Oh God, what’ve I done?” she asked suddenly as reality set in. She turned her head to gaze at Angel as she gently stroked his chest. “Oh Angel, I’m sorry...” she broke off as a sob rose in her throat and she fought to keep it down.
“Shh, baby, it’s okay. Nothing will happen to me...my soul is permanent,” he whispered and pulled her even closer. The satin rustled as she shifted and gazed at his with big eyes. She was so afraid she had destroyed him again, he kissed her forehead to reassure her. She snuggled against his body, desperately trying to process what he had just told her.
“How long have you known?” Buffy asked in a small voice, her eyes holding Angel’s.
“Since the fiasco with Faith,” he said quietly, expecting her anger.
It never came.
“All this time you’ve known? You let me go even after you knew?” Buffy asked in amazement and horror. Angel nodded, looking away. “But why?”
“Love makes you do the wacky, I guess. An insanely beautiful woman told me that once..." Angel grinned.
“Flattery will get you nowhere...okay, so it’ll get you everywhere. Go on,” she laughed.
“I wanted you to have everything I can’t give you,” Angel said, suddenly serious. “I wanted you to have everything I can’t give you. I realized about three whole seconds after I left what a huge mistake I was making. But I just wanted you to be happy.”
“I had a boyfriend,” Buffy said suddenly. Angel nodded, he had known. God, how that had hurt. “He was--is--everything that you aren’t. I thought I could go on but I couldn’t. He wasn’t you...”
“You didn’t make love to him?” Angel asked, knowing the answer but needing her to say it.
“Of course not. Do I look like a slut to you?” she asked as she gently placed a kiss on his broad chest, then continued to stare into his eyes. “I only love one person and he’s lying here with me in wet sheets right now.”
“So what now?” Angel asked as he placed a kiss on her forehead. She shrugged.
“ I see us living in a cute little cottage with a white picket fence and a little dog...no vampires to slay and demons to kill. Nope, not gonna happen,” she babbled, trying to say what she wanted to without actually saying it. “I don’t know. Just whatever it is, don’t leave me, Angel. I couldn’t take it again,” she pleaded as dread crept through her body. She unconsciously pulled him closer to her.
“Neither could I,” was his simple reply. Her heart leapt.
“I can commute to college, or you could move in with Will and I,” she said hurriedly, knowing Willow wouldn’t mind. She’d be squealing for months that they were back together.
“Are you sure?” Angel asked uncertainly, praying with all his soul she was. She nodded.
“Definitely,” she smiled.
“Well, if you’re sure..”
“Yay!” she squealed, giving him a big kiss. “I get another roommate. We can talk about boys and paint nails and watch depressing movies and cry together...don’t give me that look,” she laughed, feeling alive again. “Thank you,” she said as she yawned and placed a kiss on Angel’s lips.
“What for?” he asked.
“For loving me,” she replied. He smiled and kissed the top of her head before joining her in blissful sleep, for once not plagued with images of the past. There was only the future.