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Disclaimer: Hi, my name is Joss Whedon, and I'm trying to correct my mistake of splitting up Buffy and Angel. As if!!! We all know that won't be happening soon, so I have to try and clean up the mess. They all belong to Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, etc… 'I Believe' belongs to 'Nsync and Joe.
Author's Note: Halfway through it, I scrapped this story earlier this spring because I thought it was too corny. I picked it back up this summer and made changes and added a lot. Hope you enjoy. Lyrics in Italics.
Distribution: Ask and you shall receive!!
Feedback: Please, it keeps me writing!!!
Spoilers: IWRY - seeing that I still haven't watched the last five episodes of either Buffy or Angel because I'm scared.
Cordelia slung her purse over her shoulder and paused, standing next to the desk. She looked at Angel sitting in his office rearranging the things on his desk for what seemed like the fifth time that day. She felt bad for leaving him alone, but he had simply told her to "Go, I'll be okay."
Cordelia took a breath and walked into his office. "I'll call when I have the chance. Bye, Angel," she told the bored vampire.
"Goodbye, Cordelia, good luck." Angel glanced up at his long time friend.
"Thanks." Cordelia smiled, waved at him and stepped out of the office.
He had known this day would come. After some convincing by him and Wesley, she had begun taking acting lessons. It had taken awhile before she got her first commercial, but after that first one they had come steadily. Lately, she had begun to get small parts in movies. She still came in a couple days of the week to help Angel, but now she was leaving for the summer. She was co-starring in a movie that had great potential. Cordelia was moving on.
*Moving on.* Just like Buffy had, and Wesley, and Kate and anyone else he had known.
Wesley had gone back to England. Kate had married another cop and later transferred to San Diego.
Buffy had moved on just like he had asked her to, wanted her to. Although his heart would say otherwise.
And where did that leave him? He was still here in LA, now alone, still a vampire, fighting the evil in the world. Had he moved on? Not really. He still missed Buffy, still brooded 24/7 as Cordelia put it.
He sat there in his office in silence, staring at nothing. It was a flash of light at the door that stirred him. The male oracle stood there, looking the same as before, painted in blue and dressed in a toga.
"The Powers that Be wish to speak with you." He spoke.
Angel was shocked. He had never thought that the Oracles would actually come to him, let alone say that the Powers that Be wanted to address him. He nodded at the oracle who stood there, staring at him expectantly, waiting for a response. There was another flash of light and Angel found himself in an expansive room, decorated in a bright white and adorned with delicate statues.
There was a set of stairs on the opposite wall, leading apparently to nowhere. It looked like the sky, having no real wall, just endless space filled with a sunny day. An old man walked down the stairs, appearing out of the nowhere, the sky, and walked toward Angel.
"Welcome, Angel." The old man, apparently an elder chosen to represent the Powers, spoke. Angel nodded again. "You have been brought here for a reason. We have watched over you since you regained your soul. Now is the time you have been waiting for." He paused. "Your redemption."
Angel stared at him incredulously, shocked, never having expected this. Well, he had hoped for redemption at some point in his immortal life, but not so soon.
The elder nodded. "Yes, it is time. As I said, we have watched over you. We have seen the good you have done. It was a long time in coming, but we understand how hard it was for you after you regained your soul. All you needed was a little direction and a reason to live."
'Buffy.' Angel's mind answered. She had been the reason to live.
"Yes, the Slayer was good for you in many ways, and in other ways she was not. But that is not the point right now. It is not your fault that you are a demon, nor are you responsible for the demon's actions. You have done good in making restitution for those evils and it is time for you - time for redemption."
Angel stood in silence, listening to the elder. He dared not speak or question, knowing that his redemption had been decided for him. It was not up to him to choose what his redemption would be.
The elder laughed, having read Angel's thoughts. "Only partly true. You have three avenues of redemption. It is up to you which one you pick."
"The first would be remaining a vampire, ever the warrior, helping the innocent, but with a permanent soul." The elder took notice of Angel's calm, emotionless face. Angel stood there listening, thinking.
"The second would be humanity, no longer having to protect the innocent. Do not worry or feel guilty if you choose this option. There are still other warriors, besides you and the Slayer, in the fight against evil. Do not feel it is all on your shoulders."
"The last option would be humanity but with a vampire's strength and other assets. You are still not responsible for protecting the innocent, but you are able to help and defend yourself." He mentioned the last line remembering why Angel had given up humanity four years ago.
"You do not have to decide right now. Twenty-four hours from now you will be summoned again and you shall give me your answer. Are there any questions?"
Angel shook his head. There was another flash of light and he was in his office again.
I never believed in dreaming
It never got me very far
I never believed in that love could find me
Like an arrow through the heart
I never believed in miracles
Or building castles in the air
Not until that day I found you
Turned around and you were there
He sat down to think. His mind was already going a mile a minute. There really was no difficulty deciding which option. The third choice was the best of both worlds. He could enjoy humanity this time with no worries. No longer would his focus on the night, the demons that existed in it and the souls that needed saving from it. He remembered destroying the ring of Amara because of it. What would his purpose be now? Memories flooded him of the day as a human. Buffy was the only thing left that connected him to the rest of humanity. Could he wedge himself back in her life? It had been one thing when Buffy jumped at the chance that Thanksgiving because it had only been a few months. Now there were four years separating them and Buffy had moved on with her life.
Angel sighed. Maybe it was a hard decision after all. If he could not have Buffy, there was no one he wanted to spend a mortal life with. Although it would finally allow him to grow old and die in peace.
His mind debated his choices and he finally decided to see how Buffy was doing. He went and turned on his computer. Since he had left Sunnydale, he had kept up with Willow, corresponding via e-mail. She kept him informed about Buffy and generally how things were going in Sunnydale. Angel was appreciative of Willow for doing this for even though he was no longer in Buffy's life, he still felt the need to know how she was. It had been hard to hear about Buffy going out with other guys. When she broke up, he felt sad for her, but always did a silent cheer for himself. He had wanted to go back sometimes and beat the crap out of some guys that had hurt her, especially Parker, but he restrained himself.
In leaving, he had accepted that Buffy would have her own life and that she could take care of herself. She didn't need him coming to her rescue every time some guy hurt her. Things had looked okay when she hooked up with Riley, but eventually they broke up too. Riley had turned out to be some commando demon hunter, who actually didn't know much about demons. Willow had told him that his impressive number of kills was only seventeen. After the Initiative's head tried to kill her, their relationship was severed. There were a string of guys after Riley, but none of them interested Buffy for very long. It was Paul who had the looks of being serious with Buffy. Paul had been a nice guy, an education major who wanted to coach soccer. He was nothing like Riley or Angel or any of the previous guys. Unfortunately, he got too close to Buffy and was killed one evening during a surprise attack on the Slayer. It had hit Buffy pretty hard and for the next year she dated no one. She swore off guys knowing that she was the problem and could not harm anyone else.
It was only during this last year, around Thanksgiving, that she opened herself up to another guy. His name was Matt, an engineering major with great potential. And the last thing Angel had heard was that they were still together.
Angel hooked up to the Internet and opened his mail. There was a letter from Willow, dated only a couple of days ago. It started out with some general news and things about how she was doing. Willow was about to complete her major in computer science. It was the next item that gave him hope. Buffy had broken up with Matt last week. Apparently, Matt was offered a job in Virginia and he was going to take it. Knowing Buffy would never move out to Virginia and that their relationship had been more of a friendship, they had broken up. They were graduating this year, Angel had known that, but the announcement that it was next week shocked him.
Four years had gone by since he had left. Four years ago he had split up with Buffy and she had started college and a normal life. Willow was inviting him to the ceremony. She promised no demon snakes would be there. Angel laughed at the reminder.
They deserved a peaceful day for their graduation. The whole fun of their high school graduation had lost its effect with the Ascension taking place. Now, it was college graduation; the door was open to the rest of their lives. Would Buffy want hers to be with him? Only time would tell, but he knew he was going to try.
With that decision made, he replied to Willow that he would be attending their graduation, but instructed her not to tell anyone as he wanted it to be a surprise. He included the fact that he would not be keeping to the shadows; this time, he was going to make a full appearance.
Angel leaned back in his chair, thinking. He had a week to prepare. After he was turned human, that is. The more he thought about it, the more he relaxed. Things were going to turn out okay, he knew it. He didn't know why he was worrying so much. They had promised that someday they would get back together. That someday was now and he was going to take full advantage of it. He looked around at the office knowing what he had to do. It was time to move on, move back to Sunnydale, and close up this place. There was only a little bit of sadness in him, the place had served its purpose, helped him toward redemption and had let him have the time to work with some friends.
He stood up from his desk and started to pack up the office. The furniture would have to be moved later, to some new place in Sunnydale. He would have to go apartment hunting next week, seeing that he didn't want to go back to the mansion. A place to start new memories was what he wanted, not to mention having some light. As a human, he was going to start over, start clean. A new place, a new life, and all, he hoped, with Buffy.
From the day you came
You gave me a whole new point of view
I've been touched by an angel
It's impossible but true
I believe in you
I swear that forever from today
No one will ever take your place
I believe in you
And I believe our love will last always
The next day, Angel waited expectantly for the Oracle. When he came, Angel nodded and they were gone in a flash of light. Once again, Angel found himself in the white room. The same elder stood at the base of the stairs.
"Have you made your decision, Angel?" The elder asked.
Angel nodded, "Yes, I have. I would like the third choice - humanity with my vampire strength. I wish to be able to protect my friends and myself. Life as a human would not be worth it watching Buffy and others die at my expense."
The elder smiled knowingly, "Very well. When you return, you shall be human."
"I don't know how to thank you. I had always thought that if I were ever to be redeemed of my sins, it would be after Buffy was long dead. Thank you for giving me a chance to live a life with her. I swear to protect her and others. Although human, I shall always remember the evil in the world."
"You are welcome." He paused. "We thank you for all you have done for the good. I know you shall never rest from this continuing battle. We appreciate all that you and Buffy fight for. Do you have any questions before you return to begin your new life?"
Angel nodded again. Within the past day, his mind full of thoughts, he had wondered something. He hung his head a little before asking, "Buffy… She never got to remember that day…" He looked up at the elder.
"Ah, yes. You wish for her to remember that forgotten day, do you not?"
"I have suffered alone these last four years with the memories. With this new hope for a life together, I don't think I can keep them from her anymore. She deserves to remember that day. It is part of her past and I feel that withholding it form her has been wrong. Although I am glad she has not suffered knowing what we could have had, it is time for her to remember." Angel reasoned with the elder.
"I am glad you see our reasoning for erasing those memories, but you are right in the fact that she should remember now. When you see her - when she finds out you are human, the moment that she knows, in her heart, that she wants to be with you forever, she will remember. If she has truly moved on - then we will not burden her with those memories, do you agree?"
With sad eyes, Angel nodded. "Yes." But deep down in his heart, he knew that Buffy and he would make it. It was Fate that had pushed them together. And after years of separation, it was time for them to find happiness.
"If that is all then, Angel, I hereby redeem you of the past and of your demon. I wish you good luck in your new life. May you and Buffy live happily ever after, as some fairy tales describe - since your love is quite like one, and find some peace in this world of evil."
I never believed in fairy tales
Through there are times I wish I could
I never believed that golden slips
Could ever find the perfect foot
I never believed in magic
Or that wishes could come true
But your very first kiss changed all this
Something only you could do
With those words, Angel was back in his office… breathing. He was human, forever, until the day he died, hopefully as an old man. Physically old that is, for in reality he already had many years to his name.
Hearing his stomach growl, he went to the small refrigerator as he did four years ago. Scouring it, he found that Cordelia had cleaned it out. With a sigh, he went downstairs. He had kept his refrigerator stocked through the years for Cordelia and Wesley. Pulling out meat and cheese and bread from a cabinet, he made himself a sandwich. Food for the gods it was not, but nonetheless it was food. After finishing it off, he walked back to the refrigerator hesitantly. Slowly he opened the freezer section and pulled out the carton of cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip ice cream from the back. Closing his eyes for a moment, he saw that day flash before him. He bought this ice cream occasionally just to remember. Alone at night he would taste it, relishing in the memories of Buffy laughing, smiling, and making love. It never tasted the same but he just liked the feel of its soft, cool texture. He could still feel it dropping on his chest and Buffy licking it off.
Finally, he opened his eyes and returned the ice cream to the freezer. He would leave the ice cream to eat with Buffy. It was the simple pleasures in life that he wanted to share with her; ice cream was one of them. That and walking in the sunlight together.
Collecting himself, Angel went back upstairs to the office. Looking at the boxes, he knew that he needed to finish packing. It was Sunday and Buffy graduated on Saturday. But before he started packing again… Angel glanced at the window and the sun pouring through a few of them.
Walking slowly towards the door, he reveled in the feeling of warmth upon his body as he passed the open windows. Carefully he opened the door, peeked out a moment, and found himself still in one piece. For after two hundred plus years of burning, one was afraid of sunlight. Stepping out, he bathed himself in the sunlight and grinned. It was his - forever. For the rest of his mortal life, he could enjoy the day with all its pleasures. He could enjoy it with Buffy.
After standing outside for ten minutes, marveling in the sun, he found himself hot and sweaty in his all black long sleeve and pants attire. He had to laugh; Cordelia had always told him to put color in his wardrobe. Back inside the office, he resumed his packing and planned out the week ahead of him. It was going to be busy and hectic, but it would all be worth it. Buffy was all he had in mind.
You made me a believer
You made me trust again
You showed me there's a pot of gold
At every rainbows end
I believe in you
I swear that forever from today
No one will ever take your place
I believe in you
And I believe our love will last always
Thursday morning.
Angel stood in the empty office. The movers had taken everything an hour ago and were driving to Sunnydale. It would be kept at the mansion until he found a new place. He was staying in a hotel for the time being. He had looked around in Sunnydale, but felt he wanted Buffy's input. Knowing he was assuming too much already, Angel felt bad but he knew deep down that he would win her back.
Pulling out his cell phone, he punched in Cordelia's number. Her answering machine picked up as usual.
"Hi! This is Cordelia Chase, but I'm unavailable at this time. Please leave a message at the beep. Thanks, bye."
"Cordelia, it's Angel. I just thought I'd let you know that I got my redemption. I'm human now - and with my strength, so don't worry. I've cleaned out the office and apartment. I'm moving back to Sunnydale - I know, what a surprise. Go on and laugh. Anyway, Buffy is graduating on Saturday at noon and I'm going to surprise her. You're welcome to come, but please don't tell anyone about my redemption. I'm leaving shortly and if you need to call me, I'll have my cell phone. So, I guess I'll see you later, bye."
Angel sighed. He had finally told someone. Soon, everyone would know. Maybe now Xander wouldn't call him 'Deadboy.' He laughed and shook his head. Probably not. Looking around at the office, he paused then went downstairs. It was bare too. The memories of that day still haunted him whenever he was downstairs. Now, he was going to have to give up the place - but hopefully new memories would soon come somewhere new. Taking one last look, he took the elevator upstairs and locked up the building. It was now Sunnydale or bust.
Only love sets you free
And if it's up to fate
Then you're my destiny
Now I know
Now I see
Anything can happen
If you just believe
She has aged with grace. I'd have to say that she is even more beautiful than the day I fell in love with her, seven years ago. I'm so proud to see her walk across the stage, accepting a diploma for her college degree. Despite her life as a Slayer, she has managed this huge accomplishment. No slayer has lived as long as her, or received a college degree. She is the first Slayer to do so and I'm so proud that she is my Slayer. Buffy has overcome so much and no one else deserves this as much as she.
I smile as Willow, Anya, Oz and even Xander cross the stage for their diplomas. They all have grown up since I first met them and since I last saw them four years ago. I'm amazed at Oz's and Xander's strength to graduate in three years, having missed the first year with their friends. Willow had told him that Xander had quickly become bored wit his menial jobs and started school that first summer. Sure he complained every minute of it but he was happy to have a more stable future. Oz had done the same, although he was more scholastically inclined than Xander.
The ceremony ended and all the graduates cheered. Through the crowd of people, I pushed my way toward the group. Everyone was hugging each other and quickly taking off their hot robes. I stood right behind Buffy and saw Willow's eyes light up as she smiled at me.
Buffy turned, having sensed my presence. I'm glad to know that we still have our bond that connects us so well.
"Angel? How did you know?" She quickly looked back at her friends and saw Willow grinning like a peacock. "Willow?" The witch bobbed her head in response.
"Willow and I have kept in touch over the years by e-mail." I explained for the suddenly quiet redhead.
"Ah… Well, thanks for coming." Buffy paused, unsure of how to react to Angel's appearance. "Um… I guess I'll talk to you later. Mom wants pictures outside. You know, since she never got any from the last one." She smiled weakly at me.
The group took that as their cue and they started for the door. Buffy glanced at me for a moment before turning to leave with everyone.
I stood there silently, my heart ready to break as I watched her leave. Breathe, Angel, just breathe. She doesn't know yet, you just have to give her a chance to see that you are human and here to stay. It was another heartbreak that she was trying to avoid by keeping it brief.
I followed a short distance behind her, but far enough so she wouldn't know. Once outside, I stood there a second staring at her, wondering when she would notice.
Angel's sudden appearance shook me up. Sure, my heart is racing, but what has changed? Nothing. We have only seen each other briefly during the past few years and those times had been for demon reasons - not personal.
Before I left I took one last glimpse at Angel. I still love Angel, but I had to be strong. He just came out of respect. Nothing would come of it, it was only a visit.
I had started for the tree where everyone stood waiting to take pictures when I felt the tingle that meant only one thing - Angel - for the second time that day. I stopped in my tracks. No, it couldn't be. He's not outside, he's probably still inside the building, right? My heart beating wildly, I slowly turned around and saw him standing there patiently, sun shining all over him. A grin escaped his mouth when he saw that I had turned and spotted him. I almost fainted on the spot. Angel. Sun. They usually didn't go together.
After staring at him for a moment, I suddenly wondered why the heck was I still standing here? I ran toward him and practically jumped on him. He laughed. The laugh was music to my ears.
I looked up at his dark chocolate eyes that were now dancing, "Angel?" Calmly he took my hand and placed it on his chest.
Thump thump… thump thump…
I gasped. "Human?" He nodded, "My redemption."
Oh my goodness. If my calling hadn't shocked me, this did. Here, in the sunlight, I was in Angel's arms. It was about time. Deep in my heart, I had known this day would come - when we could finally be together.
And with those thoughts, I felt a dam break in my head as memories flooded me.
The Mohra demon… the sewers… the pier… tea and crackers… love… and heartbreak.
Tears flowing from my eyes, I sank my head in his chest. "I forgot. I forgot. I'm so sorry. I told you I wouldn't forget."
With one finger, he gently lifted my chin. "Shh… It's okay. You had no control over it." Wiping away my tears with the pad of his thumb, he smiled. "The future's ours now."
"Forever?" I asked him with a crack in my voice.
"Forever." My love responded, still smiling. Pulling something from the inside of his coat, he knelt on one knee before me.
My heart just about stopped. For once Angel would have been the one with the heart beat if it hadn't started again.
Clearly holding my old Claddagh ring, he looked up at me with such love I started crying again. "Buffy, I have loved you since the first day I saw you, and even when you kicked me off my feet in that alley. I know that these past four years have been hard, but I want to put them behind us and not waste another minute. With this ring, I once asked for your love, and now I ask you again. Will you marry me?"
At first all I could do was nod emphatically, but then I found my voice. "Yes!" I exclaimed.
Angel slid the ring on the proper finger, with the heart pointing in and stood up. We embraced as I cried tears of joy on his chest.
I believe in you
I swear that forever from today
No one will ever take your place
I believe in you
And I believe our love will last always
"Am I seeing clearly? Because that sure looks like Deadboy in the sun." Xander asked, squinting in the sunlight, looking at Angel and Buffy.
Everyone turned and saw what Xander was talking about. They gasped.
"I thought he destroyed the ring?" Willow voiced the unspoken question in everyone's mind.
"Yes, I thought so." Giles stammered.
"You guys, I think it's pretty obvious. He's human!!" Cordelia exclaimed, rolling her eyes. She had joined the group after the ceremony, waiting to see Angel and his newfound humanity.
"Human?!" Xander cried out.
Cordelia nodded. "Yep. He got his redemption last week."
"Wow." Willow said in awe. "How exactly did it happen?"
"Well, I don't know the details since he just left me a message on my answering machine. But I'm guessing somehow the Powers that Be got involved and made him human."
"He's still pale." Oz remarked.
"Give him time. I bet he and Buffy will be spending plenty of time outdoors."
"Speaking of which, is he doing what I think he's doing?" Xander pointed out Angel on one knee.
"Yes!!" Willow grinned huge, practically bouncing in her happiness for the star-crossed couple.
"I can't believe this." Joyce suddenly spoke up. She had been quiet the entire time, too shocked by Angel's sudden appearance in the sun.
"Joyce." She looked up at Giles. "I don't think this can be stopped. It was bound to happen. The two of them were made for each other and they have suffered enough. They truly love each other - no matter the past mistakes or pain." He tried to calm Joyce down, knowing she had interfered four years ago. Joyce had come to him that summer and talked over things including Buffy's depression.
Joyce nodded. "I think I realized that too late four years ago. Nothing can come between the two of them. Not even me."
They all looked back to the couple holding each other tightly and smiled. In the end, things had worked out after all.
I had kept the ring all these years. Not knowing whether she wanted it back or not, and not wanting to know if she didn't want it, I kept it. That year had been hard and I didn't want to pressure her. I put it on a chain and wore it on my neck, wanting her love close to me. Or at least the love that we had those first two years.
But now, I thought it was appropriate to give it back. Thinking of its true meaning, as a wedding ring, I knew it was time. Not wanting to wait, I had planned to ask her the first moment possible. With the memories intact I knew there was no problem of her saying no. Inside, this is something we have always wanted. It was the final step of claiming each other, 'til death do us part. We knew long ago that we were soulmates, even though everyone around us thought it was wrong.
With my humanity and strength, there is nothing holding us back now. I look down at my angel, ever so beautiful, and thank God that I found her. Kissing her gently on the top her head, I know that now we can live in peace.
I believe in you
I swear that forever from today
No one will ever take your place
I believe in you
And I believe our love will last always