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Willow opened her eyes to the first rays of sun coming in through the glass sliding door that led to a small patio outside her bedroom. She had argued with Buffy a long time about having this room. Buffy thought it was not safe for her to have such an easy entrance for their enemies to come in. Willow calmly pointed out that vampires could not come in unless she invited them and clinched the argument when she said she could cast enough spells and put up enough wards to keep out any demon. Buffy still was not sure but finally relented.
Willow wanted this room because the patio was on the east side of the building and she could greet the sun each morning. Now she was watching the water left from last night’s storm dripping from the eaves of the roof. The brilliant sunshine was cascading through the drops making tiny rainbows. She sat up, looked out the door, and realized it was open. She did not remember doing that. Just then a black crow dropped out of nowhere and perched on the railing of her patio. Willow got up and put on the robe that she had hung over the back of a chair. The air was chilly after the storm. She stepped over to the open door and said, “Hello, birdie.”
The crow cocked its head and stared at her as if it was judging her. Willow met its gaze and wondered if this was the same bird that she had seen with Xander. Then she heard his voice. “Hi, Will.” Willow turned her head and looked down at the other end of the patio. Xander was there, standing by the railing, wearing a ragged black leather jacket and a black t-shirt that was torn across his stomach. Despite his ripped clothes , he appeared to be whole. The rain had washed most of the black paint off his face, leaving faint shadows around his eyes and on his lips. But he was still so pale and now the scars on his cheeks stood out red and livid. And his eyes were so dull they were almost black. “Hello, Xander,” she said.
“Aren’t you afraid of me, Willow?” he asked as conflicting emotions rippled in his eyes.
Willow shook her head no and asked, “Why would I be afraid of you, Xander?”
“Because of what I am,” he said and looked down. “You saw what I did.”
“Giles told me what you were when I saw him last night. You’re not evil Xander, and you saved my life.”
Xander looked out at the rising sun. “Trust the tweed-meister to figure it all out. I told him he had the answers.”
“Would you like to come in?” Willow asked as she turned and stepped back into her bedroom. Xander followed without saying anything, stopping just inside the doorway. He looked at her room, at her computer, her clothes scattered around and at the pictures of all of them at different ages.
Trying to find something to talk about, anything to avoid what he needed to say Xander asked, “Are you still with Oz, Willow?”
“Yes, Xander,” she replied, “I don’t think I would have made it through the past year without his love. Well, that and Buffy telling me to suck it up and keep moving.”
Xander picked up one of Oz’s band promos lying on the desk near the door. “Where is he these days?”
“His band had a gig in San Francisco that was to run for a couple of weeks,” she answered. “They’ve really improved. They can actually play four chords now.”
Xander almost smiled remembering how Oz complained about how bad his band was. Then he thought of what he had to say and his smile died. He decided there was no avoiding the subject and began. “I don’t know how long I have, Willow. I have to put things right. Some cosmic sense of justice brought me back to avenge mine and Anya’s death, to avenge all the things I’ll never be, to avenge the love I lost.
Willow listened, not moving, silent for a moment before she asked, “Did you love Anya?”
Xander looked down before answering. “I think so. And I think she loved me. But I’ll never know now, at least not in this world. I can’t rest without knowing. I was brought back because of the love I lost and the love I left behind.” Xander raised his face and there were black tears running down his face beside the scars. “I never got to say goodbye Willow. I never got to know if you still loved me.”
Willow bit her bottom lip to stop the tears and walked over to Xander and wrapped her arms around his chest. Laying her face against his chest she said, “I always loved you.” Xander clutched her to his chest as if his soul depended on it.
After several minutes Xander took in a deep breath and exhaled it to clear his thoughts. He put his hands on Willow’s shoulders and gently pushed her away to arms length so he could look at her. With a crooked grin he asked her, “Hey, do you have any Ho Hos?”
With a confused expression all Willow could think to say was “What? No.”
“Good,” he added, “those things will kill you.”
Willow stared at him. Then her mood lightened and for the first time in longer than she could remember, she smiled. “You’re morbid. You know that don’t you?”
“Yeah, it’s a hard job but somebody’s got to do it,” he said and then chuckled. Pointing over to her bed with his chin he asked, “Do you mind if I lay down and rest for a while?” Willow nodded. He dropped his hands from her shoulders and went past her to lay down on the bed.
Willow turned around to watch him. He was still damp from the storm but she did not care if he messed up the sheets. When he closed his eyes and appeared to be asleep she walked over to him. He did not even seem to be breathing. She reached down and smoothed back a lock of hair that had fallen across his brow. He was cold to her touch, which she had not noticed before. She pulled her chair over to the bed and sat beside her best friend. Tears that she had held back for so long fell from her eyes. Willow wept.
Unnoticed, the crow flapped in and settled on the headboard without
making a sound. As the morning passed, this silent sentinel watched
over them.