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Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy and Angel. I wish I owned Angel, but that’s besides the point. They belong to Satan--oops, I mean Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. Get it? Me--own nothing. Big cool guys with all the money--everything. Comprende?
Author’s Notes: This takes place about 5 seconds after Enemies ended. Angel’s getting fed up with Buffy and her stupid breaks. Like all the rest of us. The title sucks, they always do. Not really my fault, I can’t do anything about it. Please send me feedback and tell me how much this sucks, k?
“You still my girl?”
“Always.”
Angel stood, listening to the fading echo of Buffy’s footsteps as she left him. Again. Left him because he had *reluctantly* agree to pretend to be Angelus to make her happy. He wouldn’t have even considered doing it for anyone else, but Buffy was special. He could deny her nothing. And he knew it, and she knew it, and she used it against him. He could do naught but give her her precious break, even though it cause a wave of mixed emotions to hit him. Sadness and anger ruled above all else.
Sadness because he felt her slipping away from him, felt her growing distant. He felt powerless to stop it from happening, and Angel hated to feel powerless. He’d been an outcast for a hundred years, not speaking to a single human, and he felt as if he was back in that position now.
Anger because he knew this would happen. He knew that seeing Angelus return would bring back too many horrible memories for her, open too many old wounds.
He glanced up, looking to the door she had just exited from, feelings reaching an apex. He would not lose her again, he would not let her make him feel powerless and helpless. He was a part of this relationship too, damnit, and he would not let her take away the one good thing he had in his undead life.
Angel did probably what was the stupidest and smartest thing he had ever done.
He ran after her.
Buffy walked slowly away from him, from the memories and from the pain. Or so she thought. She thought that as soon as he was out of sight the ache would subside, the sadness would melt away. She gave a humorless laugh, thinking of how stupid she was. She was just adding to her pain. By shutting him out she was cutting off his love and support that he always gave so freely.
He had only done what she had asked him to, he had known what it would do to her. She had seen that in his eyes. She just thought he was being overprotective. She had thought she would be fine.
But his performance had brought back a rush of memories so strong she thought it would overwhelm her completely. That laugh...that voice...those eyes filled with hate. The way he had casually rubbed his hands together. When he had done that not a minute before, she had freaked. That little reminder. She had remembered him doing that, his hands had always been restless, as if they weren’t happy unless they were killing someone.
And to see his sucking face with Faith was the breaking point. To see his lips on hers, hear the little sigh that had escaped Faith’s mouth, was just too much to bear. He was hers. He wasn’t supposed to have to kiss the whore. He was just supposed to get information.
Anger surged through Buffy’s body. Not anger at Angel, not really, but anger at Faith. Who was supposed to be a fighter of evil, not a soldier of it. Who was supposed to do what she was told and be done with it.
Who was supposed to be more like Buffy.
She had meant every word she had said to her. It was all true. Faith was pathetic and she knew it. Buffy couldn’t believe now that she had tried to help her, had tried to make her see her errors. Faith was a rotten person and was not worth Buffy’s time at all.
Her lips curled as she thought once more about Angel and a single tear escaped down her cheek. She brushed it aside, hurrying to leave this place and all its memories behind.
She heard footsteps behind her and rushed to leave, not wanting to face the upcoming confrontation. The footsteps quickened and so did she.
A hand grabbed her arm, forcibly spinning her around. She faced Angel, who looked very upset.
And angry.
“Angel, please,” she begged quietly. He ignored her, gripping her other arm and forcing her to look at him. She looked up at him with big eyes, squirming to get free.
“Angel, you’re hurting me!” she cried. He just squeezed tighter.
“It’s all about you, Buffy, it’s always all about you. What about me, huh? What about me?” he bellowed, shaking her. Pulling her closer to him.
“What about what *I* want? You’re so selfish. I come back from hell, where *you* sent me, and you’ve already got a new boyfriend. Spike comes back, points out something we both knew, and *you* decide never to see me again. I do something *you* asked me to, knowing what it would do to you, knowing you wouldn’t be able to handle it. And then *you* need a break. What about me, damnit, what about me? I have needs, too, you know,” he shouted. She cringed, knowing all he said was true. Knowing she had been selfish, knowing she was killing him.
“You have no idea. You don’t know what it’s like to love someone and have them keep shutting you out.”
“Now you know how I felt when you were Angelus,” she said quietly. He just stared at her.
“Slightly different, Buffy. I didn’t have a choice in the matter, I didn’t know what was gonna happen. But it’s kinda like it is now, I still have no say in what you do with this relationship,” he said bitterly. She choked back a sob, but it did nothing. The tears began to fall and they angered him more.
“You don’t get to cry! You don’t have the right to cry! I’m the one who got hurt here, I’m the one you broke up with!” he cried, causing the tears to come harder.
“Oh yeah? You think you’re the only one who got hurt?” she shouted back, throwing his hands off of her. “You think it didn’t *kill* me to tell you those things? You think I feel nothing, huh? How would you have liked it if you had to ask me to pretend to be bad so I could get info out of Spike? And you were forced to watch me kiss him, knowing that my lips, the lips that belong to you, were on someone else? Huh? What the hell would you do?” she asked through her tears. To that, Angel had no reply. He just stood, staring at her for a long moment.
“I only did what you asked. Do you remember how much convincing it took for me to even *consider* doing it?” he asked in a low voice, looking her straight in the eye. She couldn’t handle the direct contact and looked away. But Angel kept staring at her, watching her struggle with her emotions. “It took so much. I knew this would happen, I knew it would turn out like this. And I didn’t want to lose you,” he told her quietly. She looked back at him, fresh tears causing two black rivers to form on her cheeks.
“I...I had a feeling it would turn out like this,” she replied. “I knew that if I saw you with her I wouldn’t be able to handle it. It was agony, a torture that would not end. A knife was being twisted in my heart by Faith...and I got so scared. That could happen again. He could come back,” she whispered. Angel sighed, pulling her into his arms and resting his chin on her golden hair.
“No, he can’t,” Angel said quietly. She looked at him sharply.
“He can. If we...if I give you true happiness, he can come back,” she reminded him. He looked off into the distance, debating something. After an eternity, he looked back into her eyes and she saw something in them that stirred long-buried feelings in her for some reason. She had no idea what he was about to tell her and she had no idea why she felt a feeling that spread through her. She didn’t even know what the feeling was.
“He can’t come back. Ever,” Angel said, looking away from her again. “The Shaman told me. The curse is permanent.”
A thousand emotions swirled in Buffy and she felt like something was about to explode. Her eyes darted back and forth from each of his eyes, knowing it was true. A small smile crept onto her face and she pulled him closer to her.
“Does that mean...” she trailed off, not sure what it meant.
“It means that we can be together with no strings attached,” he said, seeming somewhat sad about it. Buffy looked up at him worriedly.
“And the bad part of that is...” she asked. He looked into her eyes for a short time before looking away again. She brought her hand up to his face, turning it gently so he looked at her again. “What?”
“There goes your shot at a normal life. As long as I’m in the picture, you can never find someone who can give you everything I can’t,” he whispered, opening his soul and sharing his deepest fears with the woman he loved. Tears welled in her eyes when she heard this, heard how sincere he was.
“First off, I’m the Slayer. That pretty much kills any chance for a normal life. And second, I don’t want anyone else. I want you,” she said softly.
“I was going to leave,” he mumbled, almost inaudibly. She looked at his with horror in her eyes.
“What?” she asked just as softly.
“I was going to leave. Even after I found out the curse was permanent. I was going to let you find someone else who could give you all the things I never could,” he told her, tears beginning to fall. She started to sob softly and he held onto her tightly.
“Don’t ever leave me. Promise me, Angel. Promise you’ll never leave me,” she said, holding onto his as though he was her lifeline.
“I promise, Buffy. I’ll never leave you.”
The two lovers made their way back to Angel’s room, falling onto the bed and kissing softly. They did not make love, neither was ready. They had emotional scars that had to be healed before they could consummate their love again. But as they fell asleep in each other’s arms, they began to heal.