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Disclaimer: Why do I even bother putting these things in? You know I don't own them, I know I don't own them... Well, I own Angel. He's chained up at the moment, but... Yeah, I wish. All the characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I think Fox owns them too, that's why they get so mad at the fan sites... Anyway, don't sue, I have car insurance to pay and CDs to buy.
Author's Note: Umm...'A New Man'. Buffy's birthday party. No mention of Angel? Why am I not thinking so?! I mean, really, a card, a gift, a call...it's not that hard. This is me trying to get therapy. It takes place right after 'A New Man' and yes, Buffy is going out with Riley. ::wince:: I know, I know, I'm sorry. And the ending is lame, but I needed total therapy! Not just episode therapy, SEASON therapy.
FEEDBACK: Wanna complain about it? Send 'em to me, along with feedback... :-)
DEDICATION: To all my fellow B/A die-hard fans who are staying strong and not conforming. :-) We can do it, guys. *G* And Felicity, this is for you, sweetheart. You asked for a birthday story...hope you like! :-)
"So when's your mom taking you shopping?" Willow asked as she walked to Stevenson Hall with Buffy and Riley. Buffy snuggled closer to Riley, who looked down at her and beamed.
"This weekend," Buffy told her. "And my dad is sending me money for even more clothes. I should look into getting another closet."
"I don't think they can just give those away," Riley said. Buffy grinned up at him and nodded.
"Yeah, I know. Maybe I won't buy that much..."
Willow shot her a look. "Buffy! That's, like, physically impossible. You're Spend Girl."
"So I like to shop. Is that a crime?" Buffy teased. Willow raised an eyebrow.
"Why don't you ask Mr. Commando-Secret-Government-Guy over there?" she replied, pointing to Riley. "I'm sure he'd know." Riley grinned.
"Aren't you just too funny today," Buffy said as they stepped into the dorm foyer and headed over to their mailboxes.
"Did you have a good birthday?" Riley asked as Buffy pulled her keys out of her pocket and fitted the correct one in the lock.
"Well, compared to my other birthdays this one was calm and peaceful," she joked.
"So you've said, several times. What in the world could have happened that was so horrible?" he asked, leaning against the wall.
Memories flashed through her mind, Drusilla's party, the Judge, the Council's test, making love to Angel...
Even after two years just the thought of their one beautiful night together sent shivers down her spine and made her skin tingle in anticipation. His touches, his kisses, his love...the feeling of their bodies becoming one...it had been perfect.
She had lied. That had been her best birthday. It was the day after that had been the worst day of her life.
"Buffy?" Riley prodded. "Do I have something on my face?"
"Hmm?" she asked, snapping out of her trance. Right, Riley. He was there and Angel wasn't. She had to keep reminding herself of that. It hurt her more than she liked to admit that Angel hadn't sent a card or called. He was her soulmate and he couldn't swing by a card store and get a cheesy Hallmark card for her?
"You were staring," he laughed. She smiled and breathed out, turning the lock on her small mailbox and opening it.
"Oh, sorry, just got caught up in some memories," she apologized as she pulled out three letters, her copy of Entertainment Weekly, and a pink slip of paper. She tucked the letters and her magazine into her bag and turned her attention to the small piece of paper in her hands. "I have a package?"
"Ooh, from who?" Willow asked as she sorted through her mail.
"It doesn't say," Buffy said slowly. She shrugged and stepped around Riley to go to the small window. She handed over the slip and the clerk disappeared for a second. She came back with a large package in her hands. "With my luck, it's from a dem--"
She stopped short when she saw the postmark. Los Angeles. Angel...
"Do you know who it's from?" Riley asked, coming up with Willow to stand next to her. Buffy looked up at him, startled, before shaking her head slightly to clear it and get over the initial shock.
"Probably my dad," she said lamely, picking it up carefully.
"Your dad likes to draw little angels for the return address?" Riley persisted. Willow gasped when she saw what Riley was pointing to, and Buffy shot her a look to keep quiet. Riley caught it, however, and Willow became flustered as she tried to think of a good excuse.
"Oh, yeah, umm...her dad likes to...draw, sometimes, on her packages..." She gave up and sighed.
"Riley, I'm gonna open this now," Buffy said as they got to the girls' room. She was unconsciously rushing to be alone so she could open it and find out what in the world Angel had sent her. "Why don't you wait for me out in the lounge and then we'll go get something to eat," she suggested.
Riley hesitated for a moment, but when he saw how nervous and jittery she was, he decided not to push. Nodding, he leaned down and captured her lips in a quick kiss. "Okay, I'll meet you there in ten minutes?"
She nodded absentmindedly and brushed past him when Willow opened the door. The redhead shrugged and smiled reassuringly at Riley before closing the door behind her. She turned around, her eyes wide, to see that Buffy had placed the box on her bed and was staring at it in shock.
"You know that's not going to open it, right?" Willow asked as she went over to her drawer and fished out a pair of scissors. Buffy looked at her and Willow took an involuntary step back when she saw the pain in her best friend's eyes.
"Thanks," Buffy whispered, taking them from the witch but making no move to use them.
"Buffy? What's wrong?" Willow asked after a minute of silence.
Buffy's eyes stayed fixated on the box on her bed as a thousand memories of Angel ran through her mind. The dream she'd had of Drusilla killing him. The concern he had shown for her when The Judge had shown up. The docks, where he'd given her the ring that had technically married them. The fear she had felt when she thought that he would die at The Judge's hand. How tender he had been when looking at her cut, and how he had not wanted to pressure her into doing something she would regret in the future.
That night...
Her mind flashed to the events of the previous year. The frustration that had accompanied their training sessions. His kind words and the confession he had shared with her when she had been scared and unsure of what the future held. The book he had given her, which was now tucked in her sock drawer next to her diary. All the love, the kisses, the happiness she had felt with him.
And now there was nothing, nothing but pain and bittersweet memories and a box that she didn't think she could open. It sat on her flowery comforter mocking her, silently begging to be opened. Buffy closed her hands tightly around the scissors, almost too tightly, and the cool metal pressed harshly against her smooth skin.
She looked at Willow desperately. "I can't do this," she whimpered. Willow put a comforting arm around her thin shoulders and gently took the scissors from her.
"I can cut the tape, but you have to open the box," she said gently. Buffy nodded and realized with a start that she was crying. She slowly wiped at the tears and nodded again, firmer this time. Willow expertly sliced through the clear packing tape and stepped back.
Buffy approached the bed apprehensively, as though the box would lash out and strike her at any moment. Slowly and carefully, she peeled the flaps back and peered inside, finding waded-up newspaper. She sat down on the bed next to the brown box and pulled out the newspaper carefully, discarding it on the floor.
The first thing she came to was a long white envelope with her name written across the front in Angel's careful script. The paper the envelope was made out of was old and a bit faded, and it smelled of the cologne Angel used. Buffy slowly brought it to her face, breathing in deeply to inhale the scent she missed so. She pulled the envelope away and realized that a stray tear had gotten on to the paper, smearing the end of the 'y' in her name.
Willow sat down on her own bed and watched as Buffy slowly pulled four wrapped packages out of the box. She made sure she had emptied it of its contents before placing the empty box on the floor, resting it in a sea of newspaper.
Buffy slowly slid her finger under the flap of the envelope and lifted it. Angel hadn't sealed it, something she was happy about. She didn't want to ruin it in any way. Buffy pulled out the letter, which was made out of the same paper as the envelope, and gently unfolded it. She felt her breath hitch in her throat as she began to read it, her finger gently tracing the curves of his writing absentmindedly.
My love,
You didn't really think I would forget your birthday, did you? Where do I begin? There's so much to say... First of all, I hope you are well and happy. I can imagine that college is going fine and that you are just the center of attention because of your wit and beauty and intelligence. Please
don't let the other less-pleasent memories of your previous birthdays interfere with you having the time of your life with your friends. You deserve all the happiness you can get, all the happiness I could never give you.
Okay, I'll stop with the mush. I have thought long and hard about what to get you, and I settled on these four things because they seemed the most appropriate. I want you to open the largest one first, I want to be able to explain why I got what I did for you. Maybe it's just an excuse to make this letter longer so I don't have to work up the courage to send it to you... Anyway, open the odd-shaped one first.
Buffy did as her lover asked, obediently picking up the large present and unwrapping it. She gasped as the paper fell away and a sleek black crossbow was left in her hands. She traced the intricate design of the weapon, admiring the small bolts and the craftsmanship of it. She turned it over once, twice, getting a feel for it. She was surprised at how well it suited her, as though it had been made only for her... A carving on the side caught her eye, and she turned it to see that her initials were carved into the wood. She picked up the letter again.
Since I can't be there when you fight, I'll feel better knowing you're armed with the best equipment. I have an acquaintance who designs them and this one is made just for you. It's a perfect fit, just like you and I. No demon will be able to fight you and survive when you carry it, and that will make me feel slightly better when I know you're fighting alone.
The next one I want you to open is the flat present.
Buffy looked up for the first time and met Willow's gaze. The witch was staring wide-eyed at the weapon that now rested on Buffy's lap.
"He wants me to be prepared for anything," she said softly, her voice hoarse. Willow nodded.
"It's nice. Nice and deadly... What else did he get you?" she asked, craning her neck to try and see the letter.
"I have to open them in the order he wrote down," Buffy whispered. "He explains why he got each of them for me. God, Will, he is so thoughtful. And sweet..."
Before Willow could comment, Buffy became lost once more in her own world. She carefully ripped the paper open and gasped, fresh tears trickling down her cheeks as she stared at the beautiful drawing. It was a picture of Angel and herself kissing on a pier in the middle of the day. Their arms were around one another and their lips and bodies were pressed together tightly. She quickly looked down at the letter for an explanation, her eyes disbelieving.
I know that this one seems strange to you, beloved, but it happened. You don't remember, but please trust me when I tell you that this picture is a memory I have, one you don't have to be plagued with. It was real, and it was wonderful, and I wish that you could remember what it was like. You probably think I'm crazy for telling you this, but it actually happened and we were together and we got to stand in the sun together. I know I'm not making any sort of sense, but please just believe me and accept this as a reminder of what we could have had.
Buffy's hands had started to shake and her fingers involuntarily tightened around the thin paper. There was something...something floating around in her subconscious. It recognized this, it knew what the drawing meant... Buffy felt it flutter, evading her grasps each time. She knew...she remembered...
Shrugging, not wanting to go into an emotional breakdown at that moment trying to figure out what the drawing depicted, she carefully smoothed it out and placed it on her nightstand. Willow stood up and walked over to pick up the drawing, her eyes widening in shock as she stared at it. She remained silent, however, knowing Buffy would explain it when she was done.
This next one is the hardest, because it brings back so many wonderful memories of our one perfect night together. Before you do anything, I want you to know that that was the best night of my life, Buffy. You were everything I could ever dream of, and to be able to love you fully, and to feel your trust...thank you for making me feel loved, and thank you for accepting me as I am. You always seemed to do it so effortlessly, and I don't think you'll ever be able to understand how much that means to me. That said, I want you to have this again. Is this what brought me back? I found it in the mansion one night, in a forgotten corner covered in dust. I still have mine, and I will wear it for you. Only for you, my love, forever.
Buffy's entire body was literally shaking as she realized what it was. She tore the paper off in a fury, suddenly needing the comfort and solace the ring always provided. The box was discarded quickly as Buffy felt the cool metal of her Claddagh ring against her fingers. She stared at it, her emotions in a tumult, her mind flashing back to the night he had given her.
"Wear it with the heart pointing towards you, it means you belong to somebody. Like this."
She whispered his words again without even realizing that she had spoken. The ring suddenly slid out of her nerveless fingers, and Buffy dove to the floor to retrieve it. She was sobbing as she pushed the newspaper aside, searching for her ring. She found it nestled under her bed and brought it to her lips, squeezing her eyelids shut tightly as she kissed it. Opening her tear-filled eyes, Buffy held the ring close to her heart and stood, seating herself on the bed once more. She lifted the last package, which was no bigger than a jewelry box, and picked up the letter once more. Her tears poured down her face in a river, but she was oblivious to everything else.
I know you won't want to wear it, I don't think your new boyfriend will appreciate you sporting a wedding band. And that's what it is, although you probably knew that. We are married, according to old Irish custom. I hope you aren't mad that I never told you, I don't know why I didn't... Anyway, since it would probably be in poor taste to wear it, I got you another option. This way you can keep it close to your heart and keep it a secret.
Buffy opened the last package to find a long silver chain nestled in a bed of cotton. She removed it slowly, watching the way the silver glittered in the sunlight. She undid the clasp and slid her ring onto it, putting the necklace on when she was done. She slipped it down the front of her tank top and felt Angel's love wash over her. With a muffled sob, she picked up the letter and finished it.
Please don't cry, Buffy, you know I hate to think of you being upset. I'm sorry if I was out of line to send these to you, I just wanted to give you something special, something that would mean something. Now I'll be with you when you fight, when you dream, and, most importantly, I'll be close to your heart. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you can forgive me for the hell I know I put you through over Thanksgiving. Know that not a moment goes by that I don't think of you and miss you with all my soul. Be happy, my love.
Forever yours,
Angel
Buffy sat staring at the letter in her lap for a long time, reading it and re-reading it again and again. Her finger grazed the paper where he had signed his name and she realized with a start that her hot tears had smudged some of the words. There were some dried tear stains as well, and she knew that Angel had been crying when he had written it.
"Buffy? Are you okay?" Willow asked softly. She nodded but didn't look up. "Do you want to talk?"
Buffy shook her head and sniffled, reaching for a tissue. "Read it," she said, passing the letter to her best friend. Wordlessly Willow took it as Buffy began cleaning up, putting all the newspaper and wrapping-paper scraps in the empty box. She placed her crossbow under her bed and slid the drawing into the frame of her mirror. Knowing she looked horrible, Buffy quickly went into the bathroom to wash her face, returning to find Willow in tears as well.
"Buffy, that's...that's beautiful," she said, wiping at her eyes. Buffy nodded and smiled softly.
"He's so thoughtful and sweet," she agreed, taking the letter back and putting it in its envelope. Buffy left it on her nightstand and went over to the mirror to freshen up. "Riley's gonna be worried."
"He'll understand, he's good like that," Willow told her as she flopped down on her bed. "You know, you should just stay here and we can break out the sappy movies and sob all night."
"With brownies and ice cream?" Buffy asked, giggling softly. Willow nodded enthusiastically.
"Cookie Dough Fudge Mint Chip, your favorite," Willow said. Buffy frowned slightly as a warning bell went off in the back of her mind. Something about that ice cream, too...
"How about I go out with Riley for a little while and you go to the store and then we'll pig out and cry all night and..." Buffy trailed off, her eyes darting to the window suddenly. A presence...
Willow watched her friend carefully, seeing how rigid Buffy got, as though she sensed something...or someone. "Buffy? What is it?"
Buffy flew to the window, her eyes searching the courtyard below. She gasped suddenly and cried out, her hand moving to cover her gaping mouth. "Oh God, oh God, oh God," she murmured, turning on her heel and racing out of the room. Willow followed, not bothering to run to the window.
Buffy raced through the lounge, ignoring Riley's confused calls. She burst outside and shielded her eyes from the harsh light of the sun, looking around desperately for him.
And then she spotted him, and suddenly found herself choked up with emotion. He stood uncertainly in the middle of the large lawn, his hands in his duster pocket and his eyes on her. She started towards him, alternating walking and running, until she was only ten feet from him. She squinted and looked again. This was a trick, some kind of mean trick...
"Angel?" she whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion. She ignored the tears, the people around them, the confusion she felt. There was only her lover, standing in the sunlight in front of her.
"Buffy," he said, his tone desperate. There was something strong between them, stronger than him, stronger than her, and it was pushing her towards him, encouraging her to go to him.
And suddenly she did. She was in front of him in a second and she jumped onto him, her legs finding purchase on his hips as she wrapped them around his body and held him close. Their lips melded and fused together, and months of pent-up passion and longing was released as they kissed. Angel's arms slid around her waist to support her as her hands ran through his silken hair, pulling his head closer to hers.
Angel stumbled as he tried to pull her body even closer, and they fell gracefully to the ground. Neither noticed their change of positions, nor did they care. Buffy was straddling Angel's waist, her hands grasping at the fabric of his duster, wanting to feel his skin. He sucked her lower lip into his mouth gently as they continued to kiss, his fingers entangled in her golden hair.
Buffy's hand had slipped under Angel's shirt, and she pulled away with a gasp as she felt the steady rise and fall of his chest and the fast beat of his heart. Her hazel eyes quickly darted to his, seeking answers in the chocolate depths that she often lost herself in.
"Angel, your--your heart is beating," she whispered. He nodded as his hands moved to her hips, where they rested comfortably.
"I know," he replied with that half-smile she loved gracing his kissable lips.
"What's going on? You're not a big pile of dust and the sun's out. Are you...oh God...are you human?" she asked, her voice desperate.
"The Powers That Be decided we'd both suffered long enough," he told her.
"The who?" she asked, confused.
"The Powers That Be," he repeated. "They decided we were better off together than apart, and they granted me my humanity and allowed me to keep my vamp strength and healing powers."
Buffy's eyes grew wide with shock as she struggled to take what he had just told her in. Human...Angel was human... Joy surged through her as he sat up and wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to his chest. She was crying again, but these were tears of pure happiness. He rocked her gently, his fingers running over her back in small circles.
"I think we're making a scene," he whispered, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes when she looked up at him again. She smiled and bit her lip to keep it from trembling, gazing deeply into his eyes. Angel leaned forward and kissed her again. Buffy responded eagerly, ignoring the curious stares of the people around them.
"Thank you for the gifts, they were perfect," she said when they pulled apart. He smiled and kissed her again.
"You're welcome. I really wasn't sure what to get you..."
Buffy sniffled and wiped away her tears. "I got a new toy," she laughed.
"The crossbow?" Buffy nodded. "I figured you'd like that one. It's the right size, right?"
"It fits like a dream," she said reassuringly. "And speaking of dreams, what's with the drawing? It's beautiful, but incredibly confusing."
Angel pulled what appeared to be a scroll out of his jacket pocket and presented it to her. "It's a spell that invokes memories, the Oracles gave it to me for you. There are a few things we need to get from that magic shop on Main Street, and you read it and it's supposed to let you remember."
Buffy's eyebrow shot up. "Remember what?"
"When I was human the first time," he said, running a hand through her hair. Her brow furrowed and Angel quickly kissed her. "Look, just trust me on this one, okay?"
She sighed and nodded, shifting in his lap slightly. Only then did she realize what a compromising position they were in. Her cheeks reddened but she made no attempts to move. Having him so close to her was comforting.
"Will you forgive me?" he asked suddenly, his eyes hungry and his voice soft. She realized with a start how much her position was affecting him and scrambled off of him, pulling him up with her.
"Forgive you for leaving me? For making an extremely important decision without me? For making me miss you and cry every night for months?" she demanded, her voice growing loud. Angel clenched his jaw and nodded. Her face broke out in a huge grin and she stepped into the circle of his embrace once more. "I think I can try. Maybe if you can somehow make it all up to me..." she said suggestively, her eyes sparkling.
Angel pulled her up against him and brought a hand up to caress her cheek. "I'm game," he replied huskily. "What do you have in mind?"
"Make up sex. Lots of it," she said bluntly. "I think that's a good place to start." Angel's eyes grew dark with lust at her words. He rolled his hips suggestively.
"I'm up for it," he smirked. Buffy's eyes widened and she giggled.
"I can tell. Why don't we go some place private," she said, licking her suddenly-dry lips, "and you can start right now." Angel growled playfully and kissed her hard, his tongue drawing hers out to play and his hands threading through her long hair. "I'm guessing that's a yes?"
"That's a hell yes," he replied. She laughed and pulled away from him, lacing her fingers through his. Buffy tugged on his arm and he followed her. "Where are we going?"
"You still have your old apartment?" she asked with a dangerous gleam in her eyes. He nodded, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Good. I figured we'd go there and..."
"And what?" Angel gently let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist, slipping his hand into her jeans' pocket.
"Talk," she teased. To her surprise, Angel nodded.
"I figured you'd want to first," he said.
"Are you kidding?!" she cried, causing him to look sharply at her. "I don't want to talk, not right now. We've got a ton of time to discuss the whole leaving-thing. Right now I want to make love to you until I can't even keep my eyes open."
Angel tightened his hold on her and smiled. "Sounds good to me."
"I figured it would." She stopped suddenly and looked up at him. "I wonder if I'll ever get used to seeing you in the sun." Angel felt his heart swell with love and he leaned down to brush his lips against hers gently as they reached his car.
"You're even more beautiful than I remembered," he whispered, touching his forehead to hers.
"Old age making the memory shoddy?" she asked with a giggle and a smirk.
"Old age?" he repeated. "Nope, it's *definitely* not slowing me down."
Buffy stared at him. "Oh yeah? Prove it."
Angel smirked and opened the car door for her, closing it quickly. He got in, firmly intending to do just that.
At the doors of Stevenson Hall, Riley Finn stood with Willow in complete shock. He watched his girlfriend talking for several minutes with a tall, handsome man. He watched her kiss him. He watched her leave with him.
He had no idea who the hell he was or why Buffy was all over him.
And he didn't like it one bit.
Riley turned to Willow, who was staring after the contrasting couple with a huge smile on her face and tears of happiness in her eyes. "Who's that?" he asked, his voice strained. Willow looked up at him solemnly, then back at her best friend and her lover.
"That's the one who was always standing been between you two and real happiness."
Okay, I'm sorry, the ending was lame. I couldn't think of anything else!
Well, I could, but it would involve B/R and that would NOT have been cool... ::sigh:: Feedback? Comments? Suggestions?? Help!