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December 22, 1999, Past Midnight

Sunnydale

Buffy lay in bed, tossing and turning in her restless and dreamy sleep.  She was having that dream again.  The one where Angel was mortal and they were happy together.  However, since her trip to LA the dream had changed.  She had never imagined this bliss.

She was with Angel sitting at his table in his apartment.  Angel was saying, " it would be smart to wait awhile, see if this mortal thing takes ... I'm not saying I don't want you Buffy.  You know how much ... I'm just saying it's worth the wait to know that it's right.  I need to be sure you won't get hurt again."  But does he know that he is hurting me because I don't want to leave him, Buffy thought.  Then suddenly she touched him and the bolt of electricity that went through both of them magnetized their bodies.  They were kissing and Angel had swept everything off the table and laid Buffy on it, never breaking their kiss.

The next thing she knew they were lying in bed, eating ice cream, chocolate and peanut butter and of course talking and kissing.  Angel spilled ice cream on his chest.  "Ah, ok ah mortal coordination leaves something to be desired."  He said.  "Wrong.  It's just right." She said as she leaned down to fix the problem.

Then her dream took a bitter turn.  She woke up and Angel was not beside her any more.  She paced until he returned.  When she heard him coming down the steps, she got a little fearful at the expression on his face.  She said, "I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli."  That was when he said something that made her heart stop.

"I just ... I went to see the Oracles, "Angel said, " I asked them to turn me back."  Buffy felt her perfect world crashing down around her.  She tried to argue with him, tried to tell him that he was wrong.  Then he said something that made her stop arguing.  Angel said, "How can we be together if the cost is your life or the lives of others."

"So what happens now?" she asked.  Angel said, "The Oracles are giving us back the day.  Turning back time so that I can kill Mora before his blood makes me mortal."  "When?" Buffy was crying.  Angel looked at the clock, "another minute."  "A MINUTE.  No, no it's not enough time."  Buffy started crying really hard.  She started babbling, "How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had, what we could have had?" "You won't, no one will know but me ... ... It never happened." Angel said heartbroken.  "It did, it did, I know it did.  I felt your heartbeat."  She was desperate.  "Buffy ... " They kissed and then Buffy looked at the clock, six seconds to go.  "Oh God, its not enough time."  Angel could feel his heart and it felt heavy and panicked.  He had to be strong.  He hugged her, while she continued saying over and over "I'll never forget, I'll never forget ... "

"ANGEL!"  Buffy bolted upright in her bed.  This was the farthest the dream had gotten and she remembered it vividly.  Was this a prophecy dream?  No it couldn't be one of those.  She had been wearing the clothes that she had worn when she saw him in LA.  When the demon had jumped through the window and Angel had killed him without so much as a struggle.  Buffy got out of her bed and put her clothes on.  She was going patrolling; maybe that would erase the dream from her mind.

Los Angeles

Angel was sitting in the dark again, thinking about Buffy.  Not only was she lost to him, now he had lost Doyle, too.  Doyle had understood at least part of Angel's pain.  They had been able to talk to each other and it had pained him to think of how much Doyle pined after Cordelia.  When he had finally gotten the nerve to express his feelings, he had traded his life for the lives of a group of demons.  Doyle had taken his place in being the hero.  Angel still could not get why he had done that.

Suddenly, Angel felt memories come flooding back.  He could practically see Buffy in his room, as she had been when he had been mortal.  He tried to remind himself that those moments never took place.  It was a losing battle because in his heart he knew they had been together.  He remembered part of their conversation.  He had said to her, "You won't, no one will know but me ... It never happened."  She had been crying and started to practically sob, "It did, it did, I know it did."

He suddenly realized he was crying too.  He could see her standing there in all her beautiful glory, crying because once again he was breaking her heart.  Why were these memories so vivid tonight?  He had been back to brooding again, which irritated Cordelia to no end, but she too had become quieter after Doyle's death.  He had that dull ache and he remembered everything about that time but it had never been so real that he could actually see her in his apartment.  Why?  Oh God, he loved her so much.  She was the only thing in the world that he wanted and she was the only thing he could not have.

Out of the blue Angel heard her yell his name  It echoed in his ears.  She was in pain; he could hear the desperation in her voice.  "Buffy, " he whispered and closed his eyes at the stirring of his long dead heart, as if it wanted to beat again.

Sunnydale

Buffy had gone patrolling, mindlessly killing two vamps.  She could not stop thinking of the dream.  It had felt so real.  She was trying to think hard; trying to grasp at some memory that lay hidden in her brain.  She knew it was there but she could not reach it.  That memory was just out of her grasp.

When Buffy got back home she could not sleep.  She remembered how it felt to be kissing him.  To be in his arms after they had been together.  She remembered his smell as if he were in the room.  Buffy began to cry, why had she followed him back to LA?  Why had she needed to see him so bad?  She knew it had not been to tell him to stay away.  She had needed to be with him, to touch him again.  When he had tried to explain his actions, her pride got in the way of her heart and she had left him standing in his office.  'Forget' that word was easy to say but it was much harder to actually perform the act of forgetting.

In Another Dimension

"I don't understand why you are doing this to them" a voice from the crowd of worthy spirits yelled.  All at once the "Powers that be" jerked their heads up and looked at the speaker. " Do you presume to know our business spirit?" they said.  The crowd parted and the speaker appeared in front of them.

"I just don't understand your decisions.  These two have proven their loyalty to the cause.  They are constantly torn apart.  They love each other so much that they can sacrifice their own love for the sake of their duty.  Why can't he be mortal and strong?  Why must they be tormented so?" the speaker said.

"Why are you so interested in them?  As we remember it, the one called Angelus destroyed your life, Janna of the Kalderash, " the "Powers" said.

"I understand that but Angelus is not Angel and you know that fact.  His soul did not kill me, the demon did.  Why can't you just banish the demon?  I tried but my spell was not completely finished when he came for me.  I lied to them and I destroyed Angel in the process. I want to right the wrong, I want to plead their case!  I want for my soul to rest. " Janna, who was Jenny to those in Sunnydale, stood there in her resolve and stared at the "Powers".  Then she added, "We could give them a Christmas present that they won't be expecting."

Presently, the "Powers" stared at her and said, "We are considering your proposal, Janna of the Gypsies.  We know what they have done and are doing.  If you can prove that they are not lower beings, as the oracles have proclaimed, and worthy of being given such an honor, we will give him his mortality and his vampire strength and they will forever after be together.  If you want this to be done before your "Christian" holiday, you must hurry.  There is only two full days left before that Christmas Eve starts and we can not do anything for them after midnight on that day."

"Thank you" Jenny bowed and then began to walk away.

"Janna" she turned, "do not fail them."  Then they were gone.

Sunnydale

Buffy sat on the sofa talking to Giles.  She told him about her dream and told him that it was getting stronger, as if it had really happened.  She kept hearing Angel say, "You won't, no one will know but me ... It never happened."  Is this what she was trying to unlock from her brain. Had the Oracles not considered her slayer strength when they had thought they could erase a day with Angel from her mind?  The Oracles, that was a funny thought.

"Giles, I keep thinking about something called the Oracles.  Angel tells me that they are responsible for changing him back in my dream.  Does that mean anything?" she said.

"Buffy you have had dreams of Angel being mortal before and I realize that this one is bigger but are you sure that this is not coming from when you saw him in LA?"  Giles was speaking in his usual calm, though doubtful, British accent.  "The Oracles are a myth from ancient Greek and Rome.  They usually took offerings from worshippers so that they could listen to the auguries and tell the worshipper what he or she wanted to know.  They are no longer around."

"But Giles," Buffy whined, "it was so real and if I could just get at a memory out of my brain, I could see if it really happened.  I want to know if he gave up his own happiness to keep from destroying other's ... if he gave up being with me to keep from having to see me fight or die without his help."  Buffy was crying again and her heart was bursting.  She really wanted to know that he loved her like she loved him.  If he felt what she felt when she was in his arms.  She wanted to know if he'd left because he did not love her.

"Buffy, I ... " Giles could not finish his sentence because she ran crying from the room . "Oh Dear ... " he fretted.

Buffy ran home and threw herself onto the bed.  Her mother would not be home from the Gallery for hours so she knew she could be alone.  She fell asleep crying for herself, Angel and their lost love.

Los Angeles

Angel had been sleeping, as he normally did during the day.  He usually dreamed about Buffy.  He saw her crying on her bed, so small and fragile.  He wanted to scoop her up in his arms and never let her go.  You can't be with her, his mind reminded him.  Poor Buffy, he had broken her heart so many times and he had no way to fix the hurt that he saw in her wet, green eyes.  Her body racked with her sobbing and he could not help her because he was the reason she was crying.  Angel could not live with the fact that he had done this to her, by loving her.

Then he was awake, knowing that the sun had set.  He felt heavy and bothered.  He could not get the image of her crying out of his mind.  He had to do something that would end this pain for her.  He dressed and went out of the apartment.

Once under the post office, Angel drew a sigh.  He had gotten there with out any trouble but knew that the Oracles would fix that.  They did not like to be bothered.  Angel performed the ritual and they opened the door to their dimension.

"YOU AGAIN!" the male Oracle demanded, "I thought you had finally left us alone."

"What have you brought me?" the female asked.

Angel pulled a ring off his finger "This is mid-18th century.  From Galway, Ireland."

The oracle pulled it to her hand and examined it "you give me a symbol of love and devotion? A symbol that reminds you who you belong to?  I am intrigued but will not accept this gift. This is not mine to have and does not belong to you to give away.  You may leave."  She put it back on his finger.  "This is a matter of love, remember, this does not concern us." The male Oracle said to Angel for the second time.  They began to walk away.

"Wait, Please" the note of desperation in his voice stopping them.  " I can give you something else, my jacket, anything.  Please just help her.  Help her forget who I am and that ... that she ever loved me."  He cast his eyes downward so that they would not see the pain in his eyes over that statement.

Just then a bright light appeared and then it was gone.  "We can not do that.  The auguries have spoken and taking away love is not possible.  You work for the "Powers that be", they alone decide your fate."

"What can I do for her, can I help her through this pain?" he asked.

The Oracles listened for a moment.  "They say yes, there is one coming who will help you but you must listen and follow every instruction.  Now, do not ever contact us again.  Next time we will not listen and we will not open the door."  One of them moved their hand and Angel was back outside that door.

He was walking home when he saw a figure in the shadow of his doorstep.  "You can come out of hiding, I know you aren't human."  He gasped when he saw the figure before him. "Oh God, not again ... " his eyes filled with horror at seeing Jenny Calendar before him.  The last time he had seen her, she had tortured him to the point of suicide.

"Angel, don't worry, this time it is the real me, not a great evil.  I have come to help and you must listen to me." She said.  "You are the one the Oracles told me about?"  "Yes but we don't have much time, we need to hurry."  They quickly went inside.

Jenny told Angel her story.  She made sure that he knew that he was not to blame for killing her.  She could still see remorse but she could also see him relax a little.  She ended the tale with what the "Powers that Be" had told her about how she could get Angel and Buffy back together.  When she finished Angel sat there in silence.

"You want to help us?  Do you not know that I chose to be without her so that I would not get her killed?  I love her so much, I can't be a distraction."

"But the "Powers" said that they could make you mortal and give you vampire strength. You would not be a distraction and you could still help her.  Angel, Buffy is starting to remember the time you had together the day you became mortal.  It is killing her." Jenny said, seeing the pain in his eyes at the mention of that day.

"I think about it everyday.  But early this morning it had been so real.  She had actually been here or maybe not her but something that was like a remainder of her spirit.  Is that why I dream of her crying.  Is it real?" He asked.

"Yes, your souls are connected forever, therefore your minds can communicate when your guard is let down.  This is especially true when you are sleeping, as you both were at the time you saw her crying."

"OK Jenny, what can I do to help?"  Angel asked with some reluctance.

"We have until midnight on Christmas Eve to prove that both you and Buffy are worthy of this gift and that you are above what they call "lower beings".  She said.

"We can prove that Buffy is worthy, she always has been in my eyes, but I have done so much in my life that I am ashamed of and we could never prove my worth."  Despair began to sink into his voice.

"We will find a way, Angel.  I know that you are worthy, now we just have to prove it."

Sunnydale

Buffy was on patrol.  She would stop and look at the Christmas lights and decorations that people had put on their homes.  Willow had gone to visit grandparents during the holiday and Xander had decided to take a trip to get away from his drunken parents.  The only person she could talk to was Giles.

Earlier she had been downtown with her mother and the cheery atmosphere had made her want to run screaming from the area.  She told her mother that she was not feeling well and Joyce let her go home.  Before the dreams had become so vivid she had looked forward to Christmas. Now she was remembering last year.  With Angel.

Sunnydale, Christmas Morning, Near Sunrise

She was going to lose him.  No matter what she said she knew he was not going inside. Angel was not listening to her desperation.  The "First Evil" had won.  She had hit him and he pushed her to the ground, then ran over and grabbed the lapels of her jacket.

"Am I a thing worth saving?  Huh?  Am I a righteous man?   The world wants me gone."

"What about me?  I love you so much and I tried to make you go away.  I killed you and it didn't help," she said crying and shoving him away, "and I hate it, I hate that it's so hard and that you can hurt me so much.  I know everything that you did because you did it to me.  God I wish that I wished you dead.  I don't.  I can't."

"Buffy please.  Just this once, let me be strong."

"Strong is fighting.  It's hard and it's painful and it's everyday.  It's what we have to do and we can do it together ... But if your too much of a coward for that then burn.  If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can but do not expect me to watch and don't expect me to morn for you because ... "

Just then it started snowing.  They did not know how or why but it had kept the sun from appearing.  It had saved Angel's life and their love.  They walked down the street, hand in hand, wondering at the miracle before them.

Sunnydale

Buffy shivered at the memory.  She had almost lost him forever but is that not what had happened after graduation?  She had so wanted to run into his arms in LA but she didn't know if he had wanted that too.  Had he moved on?  Did he still love her?

She was walking in the neighborhood and decided to talk to Giles.  Maybe he could help her relieve some of the heaviness in her heart.  He opened the door, "Hello Buffy, is something wrong?"

"Giles, I need to talk, it's about my dream and about ... Angel." She finished quietly.

"Alright come in.  Do you want some tea?"

"No thanks."

"Buffy, are you okay, has something happened to him?"

"No, at least I haven't heard anything.  It's just ... my dreams and I keep thinking about him ... . and I ... I wonder if ... " she started to shed her tears.

"You wonder if he still loves you?"

"Yes.  He didn't want me to see him at Thanksgiving."

"Buffy, I should not be telling you this but when Angel was here I told him that you would say that it was not fair that he could see you but you could not see him.  He reacted a little strangely. I am not sure of his exact words but he said that it ‘was harder for him being able to see you.  It was hard to be able to look at what he could not have'.  I believe that he still loves you very much because if he didn't he would not have come back in the first place."

"Thanks Giles.  Why can't we just be happy?  Why do I have to suffer like this? Don't I deserve a little happiness?"

"I do believe that you will find happiness Buffy.  Sometimes it just takes a while."

"OK, ‘Be Patient' is becoming a motto for me.  I had better get home before mom starts to worry.  Merry Christmas Giles."  She started out the door.

"Merry Christmas Buffy." Giles said.  He wished that he could be more help to her.

December 23, 1999, Near Midnight

In Another Dimension

"Janna, Have you proven their worth so soon?"  The "Powers" spoke to her.

"Not exactly.  I have come to prove Buffy's worth but I have not quite finished with Angel."  She replied.

"The Slayer is the easiest of the two.  We are not sure that the demon will prove worthy.  What can you tell us about the Slayer that will change our minds?  Do you have proof that she is not a lower being and that she is worthy of our gift?"

"I do.  In her warrior duties she has averted many apocalyptic catastrophes.  She killed the Master; she has prevented the opening of the Hellmouth on several occasions.  She also prevented the annihilation of Sunnydale and probably the West Coast.  She killed her only love, after his soul had been restored, in order to keep the world from being sucked into Hell.  She has averted prophecy after prophecy and has become the best Slayer ever.  She has lived longer than any Slayer in history." Jenny said with happiness.

"That proves that she is worthy of our gift.  We need proof of her love for this Vampire.  What makes her less than a lower being?"  The "Powers" spoke with question in their voice.

"She loves Angel so much that she has sacrificed her happiness for him.  She went to kill him to avert disaster.  Her love brought him back from the depths of Hell.  She nursed him back to health and she tried to stay away from him in order to prevent the loss of his soul yet again.  Her love for Angel made it snow for the first time in history in Sunnydale.  If that does not prove she is above regular humans, what can?"

"You are right, Janna.  The Slayer is not a lower being and she is worthy.  However, we can not do this just because of her worth.  We must have proof of the Vampire's worth too.  You have one more day and then we can not do anything for them.  You may go now."  Then the "Powers that Be" were gone and Jenny was alone.

"I am working on that ... " She went to talk to Angel again.

Los Angeles Early Christmas Eve

"Angel we don't have much time." Angel jumped as Jenny appeared before him.

"They did not accept Buffy?" He asked.

"They did but it takes both of you.  They will not help her unless we can prove that you are also worthy of their attention." Jenny looked somewhat distraught.

"She is dreaming again.  I can feel her sorrow.  Jenny, I can't stand for her to be so hurt." Angel was trying to keep the note of despair from his voice but she could hear it anyway.

"Let me go to her.  If anyone in this world knows your worth, she will.  I will not be back here.  If I succeed in my excursion, you will know.  When that happens it will be up to you to go to her.  I am not going to tell her my purpose and she will not know the outcome.  This way, it will not hurt her more if I can not restore you.  Goodbye Angel." She disappeared.

Sunnydale

Noon

She was staring out her window when she got the feeling that she was not alone.  "I really don't feel like being bothered so go away." She said without turning.

"Buffy, this is important." Buffy jumped at the sound of the familiar voice and turned to see to whom it belonged.  "YOU! Last time I saw you was not a happy reunion."

Jenny said, "That was not me.  Evil can take any shape it wants and it chose mine for Angel.  I am here to help both him and you."

"What could you possibly do to help us, "Buffy asked and then added, "there is no help for us."

"Yes there is Buffy.  Please don't lose hope.  I need you to help me.  I need you to show me that Angel is worthy of a gift and that his existence is needed more on this earth than any other being.  Can you do that?" Jenny asked, full of hope that she had not been wrong about Buffy.

"I guess.  What do you need me to do?"

"Just listen to your heart and tell me about Angel ... " Jenny told her.

In Another Dimension

Christmas Eve, 11:50 P.M.

"So you have returned Janna, do you have what we asked from you?"  The "Powers" seemed to be talking from everywhere at once.

"This time I believe I do.  I spoke with Buffy and I believe that she has given me the key to Angel's redemption and my own."  Jenny said, wanting so much to be in peace.

"Okay Janna, you now have five minutes."

"Angel is not a lower being.  The Oracles once saw that because he gave up his own mortal happiness to protect Buffy and others.  He left Sunnydale so that he would not be tempted and allow his love to kill them.  He stood waiting for the sun to rise to protect his love from harm.  Angel loves this girl with every drop of his soul.  He can feel her in his heart, even though it does not beat."

"You have proved that he is above others of his kind.  Is he a worthy warrior?  Has he prevented any disasters?" The clock was ticking and there was only two minutes left.

"He has fought every battle that has come his way.  He has helped the Slayer in many of her battles.  Even now he fights the Forces of Darkness in Los Angeles.  He does not have to fight, yet he does for the sake of his own soul.  He is trying to make amends for the atrocities that he committed as a vampire.  He killed his own sire for the sake of another." Jenny finished.

"Very well.&nsbp; We will restore his humanity but leave his strength.  You have atoned for your crimes against them.  Your soul may now rest."  As the "Powers that Be" spoke those words, Jenny could her a clock strike twelve.

Christmas Morning

Sunnydale

"BUFFY, it's time to get up and see what Santa left in your stocking!"  Joyce yelled up the stairs.

Buffy had already been awake, although last night she had cried herself to sleep.  She hoped that she had helped Angel and Jenny.  Oh Angel ... . she felt the need to cry again.  Just then the doorbell rang.

"Buffy a present just came for you," Joyce said as she brought a little box into Buffy's room, "Open it and then come downstairs for breakfast."

Joyce left the room and Buffy stared at the gold box with red ribbon that her mother had set on the comforter of her bed.  Slowly she began to open it.  There was a small piece of stationary in it. It simply said, "Meet me at the park in one hour."  The note was not signed.  She thought that the handwriting looked familiar but it could not be his.  Angel could not come out during the day.  She looked around the box for any names but they were not there.  How strange.  Buffy got dressed and went downstairs.

After breakfast was finished Buffy said, "Mom, I want to go for a little walk before we open presents.  Is that okay?"

"Sure honey, just don't stay out too long.  Your dad will be here at two." Joyce said cheerfully.

Buffy headed straight for the park.&nsbp; It was not very cool for this time of the morning, so she had only worn Angel's old leather jacket.  It still smelled like him and that comforted her. When she arrived at the park she sat down in one of the swings to wait.  She was a few minutes early.

Angel watched her approach from his spot in the bushes.  He had felt his heartbeat start about five seconds before midnight.  He could not believe that Jenny had pulled it off.  He had still been worried about his strength when three vamps attacked him on his way to Sunnydale. He had been able to dispatch them easily just before the most beautiful sunrise he had ever seen in his life.

Now there sat the only thing he wanted in life.  She did not look happy but hopefully that would change in just a minute.  Angel stepped from the bushes and started toward her. Buffy was so lost in her thoughts that she did not sense his presence until a shadow fell across the patch of ground at which she was looking.  Buffy jumped, completely startled and looked up at the person before her.  At first the sun made the person look like a shadow, then she heard his voice.

"Hello Buffy.&nsbp; Is this a bad time?" Angel asked, hoping that she still loved him.

"Angel?  How ... What ... Did you send that note?" Buffy stuttered.

"Yes my love, I sent the note and I am here."  He knelt on the ground in front of her so that she could see him more clearly.

"I must be dreaming again."  Buffy tentatively put a hand to his face to see if he was really there.

"You aren't dreaming.&nsbp; I'm really here.  Jenny fixed everything and now we can be together ... if that's what you want."  She could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

"So that was what she was doing?  Oh Angel, " she threw her arms around him in a hug, "Of course I want to be with you.  I love you so much."

"I love you too Buffy."  Then they kissed and their souls and hearts melted together in perfect harmony.  They were together and nothing could ever tear them part again.

Sunnydale

Christmas Eve, 2050

"Angel?" Buffy asked while sitting on the couch and stringing popcorn.

"Yes my love?" He too was decorating for the holiday by stringing garland around the mantle.

"Can you come over here and sit with me for a while?  Just the two of us before the kids come?"

"Sure" Angel walked over and sat down beside Buffy.  He put his arms around her and pulled her close.  The only sound was that of their hearts beating in perfect unison.

"Christmas is my favorite holiday.  I always get the best gift." Buffy said.

"And what would that be?" Angel asked with a smile in his voice.

"I get to be with you." She stated simply.

Angel laughed, "That is my favorite part too."  Then he reached down and drew her into a kiss and they both thought about how happy they were tonight.  They were together and as they kissed the sky grew cloudy and the air grew chilly.  A tiny white snowflake fell to the ground.

The End

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!"

Please leave feedback.  This is my first story and I would like to know what you think. pyxi@bellsouth.net

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