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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Notes: This is semi badfic. The closest I’ll get to badfic, well at least I think this is the closest I’ll get to badfic. It’s Buffy and Angel’s story. The gang is narrating. It’s meant to be funny. This is a semi-ripoff of Doyle’s little story telling narration complete with flashbacks in City Of. I couldn’t resist. Enjoy.
Feedback: Please! Send feedback but no flames.
(Fade into a picture of a fairy tale castle.)
Willow: Once upon a time-
Spike: (interrupting) Cut the fairy tales Red.
(Change to a flashback of Buffy and Angel together.)
Willow: (sticks out her tongue) Fine. This is the story of true love.
Xander: Or at least a love that defied god and man.
Cordelia: A tragic story if a love between two people who never should have.
(Angel as a young man, before he was turned.)
Cordelia: A long time ago, actually about two hundred years, there was a man named Angelus.
Spike: He was a drunken, whoring lay about.
Willow: (scolding) Spike, that’s not very nice!
Spike: But it’s true.
Cordelia: He’s right.
Xander: (Slightly annoyed) Let's get on with it.
(Angel and his friend getting kicked out of the pub.)
Doyle: Anyway one night Angelus got kicked out of the local pub, he walked into an alley and met a pretty girl named Darla.
(Darla turning Angelus.)
Xander: She turned him into a vampire.
(His countless victims.)
Spike: He wrecked havoc for the next hundred years, and even sired a few vamps.
(Spike and Drusilla.)
Giles: William the Bloody and Drusilla.
(Angelus meets Drusilla for the first time, at her church.)
Anya: (helpfully) Whom he drove mad.
Spike: Don’t.......
Buffy: What, tell the truth?
Spike: (glaring at her) Shut up.
Buffy, Cordelia, and Anya: (laughing at Spike)
Spike: Shut up!
(The gypsy girl.)
Oz: Then one day he killed a gypsy girl.
Buffy: The favourite of her clan.
(The old woman restoring his soul.)
Joyce: So they restoree his soul.
(Angel living on the streets of New York.)
Angel: He wandered for a few years, until his pain was so much that he starts to live on the streets and eat rats.
Cordelia: Ewww!
Buffy: I have to go with her on this one. Gross!
(Whistler approaching Angel for the first time.)
Doyle: Then one day, a funny demon with bad fashion taste approached him.
(Angel sees Buffy for the first time.)
Giles: Angelus, now going by just Angel, sees his destiny.
Doyle: Which just happened to be a pretty girl.
Angel: A very pretty girl.
Buffy: (pleased) Thank you.
Cordelia: The slayer in fact. Her name is Buffy Summers, and she was a ditzy cheerleader.
Buffy: Hey!
Cordelia: (ignoring her) One day though she learned she was the slayer. She became a freak, burned down the gym, and moved to Sunnydale.
Xander: The demon capital of the world.
(Buffy and Angel meet for the first time.)
Doyle: Soon after she met Angel, the two eventually got closure.
(Buffy and Angel’s first kiss.)
Xander: One night they kiss.
(Angel in his game face.)
Willow: Buffy learned his true identity and the truth about the curse.
(Buffy and Angel’s “goodbye” kiss.)
Giles: They parted ways for a time.
Oz: Then a prophecy came to light.
(The master kills Buffy.)
Willow: The slayer would die.
(Xander brings Buffy back.)
Xander: She did, but she came back with the help of a friend.
(The gang heads to the dance.)
Cordelia: She and Angel went to a dance.
Willow: But when she came back after summer vacation she was a real bitch.
Buffy: Hey!
All except Buffy: It’s true!
Buffy: Anya, Spike, and Mom you weren’t even there!
Joyce: Willow told me.
Anya: Xander.
Spike: (shrugging) A lackey.
(Buffy’s sexy dance with Xander.)
Giles: She tried to make him jealous.
Buffy: And it works like a charm.
Angel: Did not.
Cordelia: Did too.
Willow: Oh, yeah. Face it Angel.
(Spike and Buffy on Parent-Teacher night.)
Willow: They get over it and begin to date, but soon a friend from his past-
Spike: (interrupting again) The baddest there is.
Anya: Get over yourself.
Buffy: Good one.
Giles: Can we get on with the story?
Buffy: Okay. Well I kicked Spike’s ass.
(Joyce hits Spike with the axe.)
Joyce: I thought I did it?!
Buffy: (Shrugs) Okay Mom kicked his ass.
(The giant lizard thing.)
Cordelia: Buffy and Angel got stuck in a rut, so she went to a frat party.
Xander: Where she almost got fed to a giant snake.
(Buffy in her noblewoman’s costume.)
Willow: He eventually asked her out, but Cordelia got in the way-
Cordelia: (Interrupting) Hey!
Willow: (Continuing) As I was saying, so she dressed like a noblewoman to impress him.
(Ethan doing his chant.)
Spike: But from her watcher’s past came a very creative demon.
Giles: Ethan’s not a demon, he’s just evil.
Buffy: Ethan turned people into their costumes.
(Spike almost kills Buffy.)
Angel: Spike almost killed Buffy, but the spell is reversed into time.
(Buffy and Angel kissing.)
Oz: Buffy and Angel made up and began to date.
(Drusilla)
Willow: Then one day she learned about Drusilla, and got all jealous. Eventually though they work it out.
(The order of Taraka)
Xander: Just when things looked peaceful Spike and Drusilla brought in the order of Taraka.
Cordelia: Which wasn’t good.
(Kendra.)
Giles: Another slayer also showed up.
(Buffy and Kendra save Angel.)
Doyle: Buffy saved her man from the clutches of his former comrades, and Spike and Drusilla are presumed dead.
(Dru carries Spike out of the fire.)
Cordelia: But of course they aren’t.
Buffy: No that would be too simple.
(Ted, then the bizore.)
Xander: They fought evil as usual.
Cordelia: Psycho robots.
Willow: Don’t forget parasites.
Anya: (sarcastically) Sounds like fun.
Willow: You’re one to talk, Demon girl.
Anya: (defensively) Ex-Demon Girl. Remember?
(The Judge)
Willow: Until Buffy’s 17th Birthday.
Buffy: The day of all-time badness.
Oz: Is that a sentence?
Cordelia: What?
Oz: Did what she just said make sense?
They all think about it.
Giles: No, not really.
(The arm in the box.)
Oz: She celebrated in typical slayer fashion. With an arm in a box and a would-be parting on the docks.
Xander: That almost rhymes.
Cordelia: (snottily) For once he’s right.
Doyle: Ouch. You don’t like him much do you?
Cordelia: No! Do you know what he put me through?
Xander: I bought you that dress!
Cordelia: I know and thank you, but you also hospitalised me!
Buffy: This is the story of me and Angel, not you two.
Cordelia and Xander: (Insincerely) Sorry.
(Angel gives Buffy the claudagh.)
Anya: Angel though he had to leave, so before he goes he gave her a claudagh ring.
(The claudagh)
Willow: Hands meaning friendship.
Cordelia: Crown representing loyalty.
Buffy: And the heart love.
Spike: It’s an Irish wedding band. They were unofficially married.
Xander: Although she didn’t know.
Spike: That would mean it wouldn’t been legal even if it had been official. Right?
Giles; I assume so.
Joyce: It better be so.
Buffy: If it’s not, does that mean Angel and I are actually married? And that if i date other people I would be cheating on my husband?
Giles: I’ll have to look into it.
Joyce: She’s 18, she can't be married.
Spike: I was 16 when I got married.
Cordelia: You were married?
Willow: Drusilla?
Spike: No. My childhood sweetheart, Emily. I was 20 when I was turned, I had been married four years and had a little girl.
Buffy: (shocked) What happened to them?
Spike: (sadly) Emily died giving birth to out son, a year before I was turned, and he died a few days later. Then Victoria caught ill with pneumonia. They were already dead when I was turned.
I didn’t kill them.
Buffy: Wow.
(Buffy and Angel making love)
Spike: They went back to his apartment and had sex.
Doyle: Or one moment of true happiness.
Spike: Same thing.
Angel: Is not. We made love.We were one with each other. Sex makes it seem like I picked up a girl off the street for a one night stand.
Cordelia: True.
Anya: I like Doyle’s interpretation better. It’s more romantic.
Xander: Since when do you care about romance?
Anya: Since I got stuck in this persona. Remember, I’m an 18 girl with feeling and urges. It’s terrible.
Xander: Oh, yeah. Let’s continue with the story.
(Angel laying on the ground.)
Anya: He reverted to his previous ways.
Oz: He lost his soul.
Anya: (Irritated) I just said that.
(The words “Was It Good For You Too” in blood.)
Xander: Angelus was a cold blooded monster.
Buffy: Understatement.
Cordelia: Oh, yeah.
Spike: Definitely a bastard.
Angel: (raising his eyebrows) And you’re the good Samaritan of the month?
Spike: (defensively) I never said that! I’m just not as bad as you.
Buffy: I thought you called yourself the baddest of them all?
Spike: Um...Uh....Well.......
(Angelus snapping Jenny’s neck.)
Doyle: To get revenge on the woman who taught him how to love, he killed people closest to her.
Xander: Theresa
Giles: Jenny.
Willow: My fish.
Oz: Your fish and Buffy were close?
Willow: Well, no, but he did it as a warning.
Oz: Point.
(Angelus watching Buffy sleep.)
Cordelia: And stalked her.
Buffy: Which was incredibly creep.
(Buffy and Willow find the disk.)
Spike: Until one day the curse was found.
(Buffy sends Angel to Hell.)
Buffy: However, it was too late.
Xander: She had to send him to Hell.
Angel: (pointedly) Which was your fault.
Xander: (insulted) How?
Willow: You lied to her and because of that she wasn’t watching him carefully. If you hadn’t lied chances are she wouldn’t have \ to.
Xander: It’s still not my fault!
All Except Xander: It is!
Xander: (abashed) Oh. Sorry?
(Angel falls from the sky.)
Cordelia: One day he came back.
Willow: (to Angel) Were you really not wearing any clothes when you came back?
Angel blushes and looks down at the ground.
Xander: There’s you answer.
Cordelia: I would have liked to have seen that. (To Buffy) Hey Buffy, what does Angel look like naked.
Buffy: (grinning) Great! Very sexy.
Anya: I bet.
Buffy: Hey that’s my boyfriend, ex, whatever. He’s mine!
Spike: You sound like Dru.
Buffy: (glaring at Spike) Do you want a piece of wood in the chest.
Giles: (annoyed) Can we finish please?
(Buffy and Angel kiss)
Willow: Only Buffy was happy to see him.
Xander: Could it be the fact that he tormented us for months? Just a guess.
(The gang confronts Buffy)
Giles: The others couldn’t forget what he’d done.
Oz: Or forgive.
Xander: As I said, he tormented us for months. It’s kind of a duh.
Buffy: I forgave him.
Cordelia: You’re also madly in love with him.
(Buffy and Angel kiss in front of the movie theatre.)
Anya: They did the on-again, off-again thing for a while. Her friends even accepted him.
Willow: Sort of, Xander didn’t.
Xander: I did kind of, what I had before.
Cordelia: It looked like they’d get happily ever after in the end.
(Angel breaks up with Buffy.)
Buffy: But things interfered.
Giles: They parted ways once and for all.
Anya: That’s kind of sad.
Cordelia: Oh, yeah. Buffy and Angel are like Romeo and Juliet. Angel’s even hotter than Leo.
Buffy: Way!
Xander: You’re biased.
Willow: She's right.
Anya: Oh, yeah.
Everyone looks at Joyce.
Joyce: No opinion. I’m too old for both of them.
Angel: Um, Joyce? I’m 200 years older than you.
Joyce: Oh, yeah. Well, you look young.
Spike: And he might be married to your daughter.
Doyle: That’s a catch.
Spike: Not always.
Xander: You watch too much Jerry Springer.
Giles: (extremely irritated) Am I the only one who can stay on topic?!
Buffy: Sorr-y.
(They dance at the prom.)
Joyce: First they had one last dance.
Anya: Which is totally sweet.
Willow: Definitely, brings tears to your eyes.
Xander: Gag me.
Spike: I have to agree.
Oz: Possibly, haven't decided.
Angel: Well it’s me and Buffy they’re talking about so I can't complain.
(Angel drinks Buffy’s blood.)
Willow: He was seriously injured, and her blood was the only cure.
Xander: She loved him enough to sacrifice her own life to save him.
Giles: She recovered though, and so did he.
(Buffy and Angel share one last look before Angel walks into the smoke.)
Spike: He left her behind as he started his new journey.
Doyle: They parted ways once and for all.
Cordelia: The story doesn’t end here.
Willow: No, it’s far from over.
Spike: But the rest is for another time, another place.
Oz: Right now, they’re doing their own thing.
Anya: But one day they’ll reunite.
Buffy: Until that day this is where we leave off.
Angel: With a silent goodbye.
Giles: One day, though, our vampire hero and his beloved will finish their tale.
Willow: Hopefully with a happily ever after.
Cordelia: You can count on it.
Joyce: Until then-
All: Goodbye!