|
|
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me. The song is How's It Going To Be by Third Eye Blind. I don't own it either and I'm not claiming to, nor am I making any money off it, so please don't sue me for using it.
Author's Notes: A Xander and Cordelia future story. Angsty. This is both their POV's as their marriage ends and they each accept it. Not a happy fic. The song is How's It Going To Be by Third Eye Blind. I thought it fit well.
I watched her for a minute, trying to find a trace of the girl I fell in love with. I realised it wasn't her, it was somebody else.
She picked up the crystal vase Willow gave us for an anniversary present.
She threw it at me, tears running down the side of her face. "I can't take this anymore. What happened?" She asked, I shook my head.
I didn't know.
But I did know I was tired of fighting, so was she. It was over, we couldn't fight any more.
I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing,
I wonder,
What are we fighting for.
As I threw the vase I knew it was over.
I couldn't take anymore. This marriage died a long time ago, we just couldn't accept it.&nbps; But we had to, there was nothing left.
Not even affection. That died a long time ago. Along with love, respect, caring, friendship, devotion, even like. We hated each other now, actually we didn't. We're to worn out to hate. This had taken everything out of us.
It had destroyed us.
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder,
Is there any thing I'm going to miss?
"I'll call my lawyer in the morning." I said quietly, Cordelia nodded.
"Me too. Xander, I want this to be as clean as possible. No loose ends. I need it to be over."
I agreed. "Yeah, I know what you meant. What about the children?"
She closed her eyes, and shook her head. "I don't know."
How's it going to be,
When you don't know me?
How's it going to be,
When you're sure I'm not there?
The children.
I didn't even think of them, the three reasons we stayed together so long. What did we do? I knew in an instant.
"You take them." I said without a hint of emotion.
I didn't care anymore, besides Willow would be a better mother than me anyway. Isn't that what Xander always said?
How's it going be,
When there's no one there to talk to about?
How's it going to be?
'Cause I don't care,
How's it going to be?
I couldn't believe that it would be this easy.
I looked at her and knew it was, she wasn't going to fight me. She couldn't, she had no energy to fight. Neither did I.
We had both wasted so much energy over the years. We should have walked away years ago, but we thought we could save it.
We couldn't, didn't, it just made it worse. If we had walked away then we might still like and respect each other, now I loathed the very sight of her. I know she feels the same way.
We made so many mistakes.
Where we used to laugh,
There's a shouting match,
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch,
A silence I can't ignore.
It was finally over.
The end had come, there was no more fighting. We were finally able to walk away. Not that there was much to walk away from, just a dead marriage.
No we had been holding on for to long, and then even after we knew that there was no hope of survival we still continued to cling. As if we thought by fighting we'd save our marriage. It couldn't be done, but I don't care anymore.
It was over at last.
The battles finally stopped.
Like...The hammocks and doorways we spent time in, swing empty. Don't see lightning like last fall when it was about to hit me.
I walked to the door. "Goodbye." I said softly.
"Goodbye." She said looking at me for a second.
As I held her gaze, I tried to find a bit of my Cordy in her. I couldn't, the girl I had loved was truly gone.
Or maybe it was my love for her which was gone. I never believed love died, not until I experienced it that is.
It dies slowly, and painfully. Destroying you and everything around you. I shook my head sadly and walked out of the house, leaving her by herself.
This was it, it was over.
I guess that's how it's going to be.
Want to get back in again,
The soft dive of obliviation
I watched him go, not really caring.
For the first time in months I felt joy, joy because it was over. That horrible mess was finally finished, the war has ended.
We are free.
I wasn't sad, not at all. How could I cry for a marriage that died a long time ago? No, I wouldn't. I would just be happy that I got my freedom, it took so long but I was free.
It was over.
The battles ended.