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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Notes: Okay, I just finished watching I Will Remember You. God, it was painful. How can Joss do that to us? Haven't we suffered enough? Anyway, I plan on writing a *lot* of fanfic about it and this is the first. It’s Angel’s POV after he becomes a vampire again. It’s complete angst, I mean of course it is. Look at happens in that ep, I couldn’t exactly make it happy and smiley. It’s complete and total, gut wrenching angst. You have been warned. Enjoy.
Feedback: Please! Send feedback but no flames.
I thought the curse was the worst thing that ever happened to me. To be able to love her, but never be able to touch her.
I was wrong, this is worse.
I know what really happened, I’m the only one. We were together, we were in each other’s arms. Everything we’ve each dreamed of came true, but only for a while.
Then I had to choose, had to choose between my life and hers. But that’s not it really, I really had to choose between her life and our life together.
Because if I hadn't become a vampire again we would have together until her death. I had to make a choice. I had to choose whether I would be with her and then lose her, or would I save her life but know that we can't be together.
I chose her.
It was as simple as that. I love her so much that I can give up my dreams for her, but maybe it’s not forever.
Maybe one day I’ll avert the apocalypse, save the world, and then The Oracles will let me have my humanity back. Let me be with her.
Or at least let her remember what happened, that would be enough. To know that she remembered, that we both knew what we had shared, that would be bearable.
But this, to be the only person in the entire world who knows what happened. What was supposed to happen, but because of my love for her it didn’t.
That’s sort of ironic, our love is what keeps us apart.
But it is.
If we didn’t love each other so deeply, if our souls weren't entwined, then we could be near each other. The temptation wouldn't be as bad. But we love each other too much, what we share is too deep.
We proved that.
We couldn’t keep our hands off each other for that short time I was human. If I was in Sunnydale something would happen, that’s why it’s over.
That’s why I am, to quote The Oracles, “willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he’s ever known for another.”
For her I would do anything, even give up what both us long for.
Because no matter how wonderful it is, in the end it isn’t worth her life. I know this, and I know what I have to do.
Because I love her.