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Disclaimer: Joss owns ‘em, not me. If i owned them they’d be a lot happier, so of course I don’t own them.
Author's Notes: This is part of my Opinions series, which isn’t really a series. This is Angel’s POV during When She Was Bad, you know the scene where he came to her window? Kind of angsty.
Feedback: Yes, please. I live off it, so please send me lot’s.
It was the night she came back. I don’t know if I was happy or not. Part of me wanted her close by, part of me wanted her far as way as possible, to keep me for falling harder. Not that I could, I was suck. I loved her, no matter what the dangers, and there was no turning back now.
Anyway that first night she was home, I dropped by her place. I had been tempted all summer, I even got to her window once when I remembered she was gone. God, did that hurt. I opened the window and just watched her.
She was having a nightmare, I could tell. She woke from her nightmare with a start about a minute after I got there. She looked around and over at her open window. She sat up and rubs her face. She was so beautiful, even in the middle of the night. When she looked back at her window again she saw me, leaning against the sill.
Buffy: “Hello.”
Me: “Mind if I come in?”
Buffy: “Be my guest.”
Me: “How are you?” What a dumb question to ask, but I had to stay formal. If I didn’t I’d say things I’m not supposed to. Like how much I love her.
Buffy: “Peachy. So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?” She sounded different, almost as if she wasn’t herself. I wondered what was wrong, but I knew. I’d known since the minute I saw her face after Xander saved her.
Me: “It's not a social call.” *It can never be a social call, no matter how much I wish otherwise. You and I don’t have a future.* I thought sadly, but I kept my face free of emotion.
Buffy: “Ah. So, lemme guess. That means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home.”
Me: “I'm sorry. I wish I had better news.” *I wish I could make all your dreams come true, keep you from danger. But I can’t, all I can do is lay down my life to protect you. Which I will in a second. You are my world.* I thought to myself, I can fool the rest of the world, but not myself. In my own head I want what I can’t have, I want a future with Buffy. I want the impossible.
Buffy: “So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu!” I winced a little at that one, but I try not to let it show. It hurt, I don’t know why, but it did.
Me: “The Anointed One. He's been gathering forces somewhere in town. I'm not sure why.”
Buffy: “Guess I'll find out soon enough, huh?” She sounded so confident, but I knew she couldn’t be. Not unless she was a fool, and Buffy will never be a fool.
Me: “You don't sound too concerned.”
Buffy: “I can handle myself. Besides, I could use a little action anyway.” It was then that it dawned on me, she was trying to prove to herself that she was tough. Even after what had happened with The Master, especially after what happened with The Master, that’s why she was doing this.
Me: “Don't underestimate the Anointed One just because he looks like a child. He has power over the rest of them. They'll do anything for him.” *Just like I’d do anything for you.* I thought against my will. I didn't want to think of her, but I did. Still I knew I needed to get through to her, or it would get her killed. Again.
Buffy: “Is that it? Is that everything? Y'know, 'cause you woke me up from a really good dream.”
She turned away from me and lied back down.
Me: “Sorry. I'll go.” I turned around to go, but paused. “I missed you.”
With that I was gone, I wanted to stay but I couldn’t. I had been wrong for saying that, but I’m glad I did. As soon as I left her room, I heard her ask “I missed you?” A hint of emotion in her face. I knew she cared about me.
No matter what happens with Buffy, I’ll be there for her. I’ll never stop watching her, she needs me. Besides, I love her, I’m not supposed to but I do. It’s my job to watch her, to keep her safe. And I will, for as long as I can I’ll never let anything hurt her. I’ll always be there for her.