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"I don’t think you should see her, she’s pretty sick," Joyce said firmly. Sebastien’s eyes were wild as they darted beyond her, to the closed door. Behind that, was Buffy. Behind that was his worst mistake ever, the one that could ruin his life, his entire existence.
"But I have to tell her—"
"Sebastien," Joyce interupted. "I don’t think your mother would be happy with me if I let you get sick." His eyes met her and she startled at the despair, the dark intensity that burned in him.
"Will you give her this?" he asked, handing her a small leather book and a letter. "Please?"
"O-of course," she said, her voice faltering. "Do you want some dinner?" Sebastien shook his head.
"I’m not hungry. I’m going to go for a walk . . . go see Kathryn," he said vaguely, knowing that he couldn’t sit there, he couldn’t make polite conversation and lie about what he was. He was a monster. He had destroyed the only true thing he’d ever known. He’d hurt the only person he’d ever loved, the only person he’d ever met that was truly good, that was beautiful and innocent.
"All right," Joyce said, frowning slightly. He staggered away, down the stairs, wanting to be near her but needing to be away. Maybe he’d be able to see her from the street. If he looked through her window . . . but anything was possible. Or impossible. How could she ever find it in her heart to forgive him?
Buffy was out of bed and getting dressed when her mother knocked on the door. She winced and leapt back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. "Come in." The door opened and Joyce entered, looking concerned.
"Sebastien wanted you to have this," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Buffy started at the name and all the pain she’d buried welled again, spilling over her like fire. She stared at the small book and the letter. What was it?
"Thank you," she whispered. Joyce ran a hand over her forehead, then smiled slightly and stood.
"I’ll be downstairs if you need me," she said. Buffy nodded and waited until the door was closed and her mother’s footsteps faded away. She sat up, straightening her shirt and slowly reached for the letter, tears blurring her sight again. She picked it up and ever-so-gently ripped open the top. It was one page . . . the writing wasn’t even that long. But what it said . . .
A sob ripped through her as she read the words, as she read the sorrow and the guilt set out in them. Her whole body began to shake when he said it was a mistake, he was sorry and he did love her. He did love her. And to try and prove the truth to her, to be totally and completely honest, he had given her his journal.
Buffy set aside the letter gently and opened the book. It was thick, and when she opened it, she had never been so shocked. Well, at first she wasn’t, there was writing about Kathryn, about how much he hated her and all the terrible things she had done. But also, there was writing about how much he wanted her. Buffy blinked in shock and turned the next page, and saw another girl’s name, and then another, and she kept turning and turning and saw all the girls. And at the end, there was her and Kathryn again, facing each other. There was Kathryn, looking sexy and cruel, and on the next page, was Buffy, from a polaroid, smiling and laughing. The words around her were different: Beautiful, innocent, honest, carefree. Buffy laughed bitterly at that one. If he only knew. Carefree indeed. But it was better than bitch, cruel, crack addict and the other things that surrounded Kathryn’s picture.
Rather than read what he had actually written about her, Buffy turned back to the first page, to where his actual journal was, what he had actually written. All these woman . . . had he told them he loved them and then broke their hearts? Had he made love to them so sweetly and then . . . she shivered at the memory. Only one way to tell now. Only one way to know. For a moment, just a moment, Buffy hesitated, and then bent her head to read, forgetting Angelus, forgetting her destiny, needing only to know the truth.
When Buffy turned the last page, it took her a moment to realize it was over. That was all he had written. What would come next, that was her choice, her decision. What would come next?
She rose and walked to the window, wiping futiley at the tears on her face. She stopped, and stared, because he was there, standing there, watching for her so intently, his face a mask of agony and hope. She caught his eyes and saw so deep a remorse there that it almost hurt. Part of her wanted to run to him and smooth that away, tell him it was all right, of course she forgave him. Part of her was still back in the small dark place she’d gone when he hurt her. Part of her noticed that he was no longer alone.
Kathryn appeared out of the shadows, making Buffy’s eyes narrow. She looked gorgeous and slutty and everything Sebastien had described. But there was something more. She grabbed her stepbrother’s arm and for a moment his eyes broke from Buffy’s face. He said something short and angry to her and pulled away. Kathryn held him firmly, her mouth curving in a mocking smile. Her green eyes lifted to meet identical, worried, heartbroken ones watching from the window. And Kathryn smiled, and with one easy tug pulled Sebastien after her. Buffy frowned. His dark eyes lifted to meet hers and he cried her name . . . that she could just hear. He tried to pull away again but Kathryn wouldn’t release him. Whatever he had done, Buffy wasn’t about to let her callous bitch of a cousin pull him away when she needed to talk to him most. The Slayer swung a leg out of the window and stopped. Because another form had materialized out of the darkness.
All became horribly clear as Angelus caught her eyes, grinning evilly. He put a hand on Sebastien’s shoulder. The young man looked confused, and angry, and his eyes kept returning to Buffy’s. Angelus said something to Kathryn and as Sebastien’s eyes grew wider with horror, they took his arms and led him away. Buffy couldn’t move, frozen with terror. The three dissapeared into darkness and she was free again.
"Sebastien!" she screamed, not caring who heard her. She swung the other leg out and jumped to the pine tree beside her window, shimmying down easily and then dropping to the ground. Without a thought, she began running down the street, only needing to catch them. For love, Buffy could do anything. Even kill love. Even kill Angelus.
"I just have one thing to do," Jenny Calendar said, her eyes intent on the computer screen. On the phone, Rupert Giles sighed.
"All right," he murmured. "Will I see you later?"
"I hope so," she replied, a little catch in her voice. She knew it was dangerous, what she was planning to do. She could almost see his frown.
"Jenny—"
"Don’t worry about it Rupert. I’ll see you. Good night," the teacher said quickly.
"Good night," Giles said, a frown in his voice. She sighed and hung up the phone, then focused back on her work, sparing but a moment to glance at the orb that sat on the computer desk. Who knew how much time she had left?
"Buffy?" Joyce called, knocking on the bedroom door. "Buffy?" There was no answer. She sighed and opened the door slightly, not wanting to wake her daughter if she was asleep. She stopped and then opened the door all the way, frowning. The bed was empty and the window was wide open. Buffy was obviously gone.
"That girl—!" she exclaimed, knowing how sick Buffy would feel once she got her hands on her.
"No, I haven’t seen her," Willow replied, the nervousness that had plagued her all day growing in leaps and bounds. "I thought she was sick."
"Supposedly she was, but now she’s gone. If you see her, or if she’s there, tell her that the moment she gets home she’s grounded through the end of school, if I’m in a better mood by then," Joyce said sharply. Willow winced for her friend.
"I’ll tell her if I see her. I’m sure she had a good reason," offered Willow. A sound from Joyce made it perfectly clear how likely she thought that.
"Well you just tell her," Joyce said.
"I will."
"All right then. Thank you Willow. Good bye."
"Bye," Willow said softly and hung up the phone. She turned to Xander, Oz and Cordelia who were gathered around looking worried. They’d come over for a quiet evening, though none had stopped worrying about Buffy.
"Buffy’s gone," Willow reported. Xander’s face fell and even Cordelia looked upset. Oz looked like himself.
"Any idea where?" Xander asked.
"Out the window. Her mom’s really angry," Willow said worriedly.
"Well duh! I would be!" Cordelia exclaimed, then shut up at their look and muttered something unkind.
"If I may suggest: find Buffy," Oz put in.
"I’m going with Wolf Boy," Xander exclaimed, pointing to Oz.
"Don’t call me that," he said, though his manner was anything but threatening. In fact, his threatening voice sounded a lot like his regular voice.
"Oz has a point," Willow said, turning them back to the subject. She took a moment to look glow-y that Oz had a point, then focused again.
"So what are we sitting around here for?" Xander asked, leaping to his feet.
"Are we going out? ‘Cause I didn’t dress for going out!" Cordelia exclaimed. "What?" Xander shook his head and took her hand.
"Come on Cor," he said. "Just follow and try not to talk."
"I’ll call Giles," Willow said quickly. "Then we’ll go look."
"But where would Buffy be?" Oz asked. They all paused and looked around at each other.
"Well there’s the Bronze," Willow suggested.
"Oh, the band playing tonight is totally un-worthy of the cover," Cordelia said dismissingly. The rest of them exchanged amused glances.
"Okay, let’s rule out the Bronze. She could be going after Angel," Xander said, his eyes lighting.
"Going to the factory could be dangerous though, if she isn’t there," Willow pointed out.
"But if she is, she might need help," Oz pointed out.
"Another point for Oz," Xander said. "All right, I’m all for the factory. Who’s with me?" Slowly, they all began to nod.
Buffy lurked around the edges. She might be upset, but she wasn’t about to go charging into enemy territory without even knowing if Sebastien was there.
Which was when she heard the laugh. More like a chuckle actually. Low, cruel and utterly familiar. And then he spoke. "Don’t worry, I’m sure Buffy will be along in a moment to rescue you."
"What are you?" Sebastien demanded. At least he didn’t sound in pain. That was something. Angelus was probably saving that until Buffy was there to watch. Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t going to give him time to do anything. She bit her lip, examining the scenario. Scooting down she got a glimpse of the positioning. Sebastien sat comfortably in a large chair, looking about uneasily, anger and despair mixed in his eyes. Angelus stood just to the side of him and Kathryn was draped over the back of the chair. Spike was off in a corner in his wheelchair and Drusilla was moping. She could see five other vampires around the perimeter of the large room. This wasn’t going to be easy. She straightened up and inched away, wondering if she should have stopped to stock up on weapons. A few crossbows would be very handy for picking off vampires. She could easily best a couple, but if she spent time fighting the little ones, no telling what Angelus would do to Sebastien. She had to get to him first, and she would need her strength to fight Angelus…Kathryn she could handle, Kathryn was young, and Spike wasn’t in a condition to fight. Drusilla might be a problem, she hadn’t faced Insano Girl in one on one combat before, but there was likely to be trouble after Buffy killed Angelus. What she really needed was backup, but that wasn’t coming anytime soon.
"Hey! Buffy!" a voice hissed. Buffy looked up and her eyes widened when she saw Xander, then behind him Willow and Oz. She inched toward them.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded in a harsh whisper.
"We were worried about you," Willow replied. "What’s going on? We sent Cordelia to get Giles."
"Kathryn’s a vampire and they have Sebastien," Buffy informed them, forgetting to mention the whole making love, being rejected, reading his journal thing. That could come later. Or possibly never. "Did you guys happen to bring weapons?" Xander hoisted a crossbow and Willow brought out several bottles of holy water and crosses. Buffy nodded.
"That’ll have to do. Here," Buffy said, trading Xander a stake for the crossbow. She checked the arrow in it. "Okay, here’s the plan…"