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Buffy and Sebastien stared at each other across the breakfast table, every once in a while smiling for no reason at all, their eyes locked. Joyce watched them with bemused confusion and drove them off to school.
They didn’t get a chance to talk; Xander spotted them as soon as they arrived at school and informed Buffy that Giles needed to talk to her. She touched Sebastien’s arms softly and smiled at him, and then left him to be entertained by her friends. Giles was worried about Angelus. Someone had killed a dog in Buffy’s neighborhood and he thought it might be the vampire. When classes started Buffy told Sebastien to go with Oz again, she was busy.
They watched each other again at lunch, but they had no time to talk to each other. They just looked, drinking in the sight of one another, remembering.
After school Buffy was supposed to train. Giles was annoyed with her for taking so much time off. They agreed to meet at the Bronze after dark so she could do a quick patrol beforehand. They kissed quickly in an empty hall before Buffy went back to the library, never suspecting what would happen the next time they met…
Sebastien sipped a drink and looked around the Bronze, his entire being alight with the anticipation of seeing her soon. God, he was in love. And it wasn’t what he had always imagined it to be: pathetic, or painful. It was incredible, brilliant. He felt alive for the first time.
"Miss me?" a voice purred into his ear. Sebastien smiled lazily before turning to see her.
"Not especially," he replied. There was a flash of annoyance in Kathryn’s eyes before the smile crept across her lips.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Let’s drink to me," Sebastien suggested, instead of answering her question. She held up her drink and they clinked glasses.
"You’ve won the bet then? What shall I give you?" she asked, her eyes sparkling naughtily.
"I haven’t decided," he replied. The naughtiness vanished, and her eyes flashed, darkening suddenly. She turned away and laughed hollowly.
"You think you’re in love, don’t you?" She glanced back at his still face; he didn’t just think so. He knew it. He was. "Oh God Sebastien, I knew you liked pretending, but I didn’t think you’d go this far."
"I’m not pretending," he replied.
"And that’s what’s so funny! You really believe it. You actually believe you’re capable of love." He didn’t reply, but watched her stone-faced as she turned back to face him. "But we’re too alike Sebastien. Neither of us are capable of love. Not real love. Are you going to ruin your reputation before senior year? You’re a legend, you’re a f***ing god at Manchester! What are you going to do, spend the whole year mooning over little Buffy all the way in California!"
"Kathryn–" he began, but she cut him off.
"It’s a noble sentiment, really. Once in a while I’ve even fancied it myself. Everyone wants to be good. Everyone wants to love. But for people like you and me, Sebastien, it just isn’t possible."
"You’re wrong," he replied firmly, though there was a roughness in his voice. Kathryn’s eyes laughed, but her face didn’t change.
"Think about Sebastien. Think about what you are. You’ll never change, you’ll always be the New York playboy that has had every girl except one–me. And then tell me what you want as your prize, all right?" she murmured, running a hand over his mouth and down his throat. He swallowed hard, his dark eyes showing confusion and despair. She smiled.
"No!" he exclaimed for the last time, and turned, stalking out of the nightclub and into the dark streets. Kathryn threw back her head and laughed.
"That was fun," she murmured, turning to the dark, handsome man that came up behind her. She twined her arms around his neck. "Can we go kill something now?"
"Ah, Kathryn, you’re beginning to grow on me," he replied, taking her hand and leading her in search of a poor innocent soul to extinguish.
He wasn’t there. Why wasn’t he there?
A cold fear gripped Buffy. What if something had happened to him? What if he’d been attacked, by vampires or worse, by Angelus? He could be dead. He could be captured. He could be–
"Breathe," she told herself firmly. He was probably fine. He was probably late, or he’d forgotten or…there were a thousand explanations, none of which involved death or injury. She had just lived in Sunnydale too long.
Of course, she’d already been waiting for ten minutes…
She smiled vaguely at some girl that was in one of her classes as she headed out the door. He was probably at home. She would go there, check there. If not, then she would start to panic.
Sebastien knocked on Buffy’s bedroom door, his mind finally clear. He had seen the truth, and he had to tell her. The door swung open and Buffy regarded him with a huge smile and sigh of relief.
"I was so worried! Where were you, I went to the Bronze?" she asked, pulling him into her room and closing the door. She stopped and smiled almost shyly at him, getting up on her toes to kiss him. He pulled back."Been around," he replied. Buffy shivered. There was something...she'd heard those words before. "Buffy, I have to talk to you," he said, his voice cold and impersonal. Buffy frowned, wondering what was going on. He looked so strange. What happened?
"What?" she asked, trying to push away her fears. She sat down on her bed and he walked to the window, gazing out.
"Last night was a mistake," he said suddenly, throwing Buffy’s world into space, making her heart burst. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. Not again. It couldn’t.
"Sebastien," she breathed, her throat closing off and the tears rushing to her eyes. He continued to talk, and as she heard the words she heard Angel too, Angel asking her why he would stick around after that.
"I wanted to love you. I really did, but I don’t. I don’t love you at all," Sebastien said. She couldn’t see his face, he wouldn’t look at her. She didn’t have the strength to make him. She didn’t have the strength to stand up, or to move or to think. This couldn’t be happening, not again. It couldn’t.
"Sebastien…you can’t mean this," she sobbed. "You do love me!" He shook his head.
"No, I’m sorry. I thought I did, but I realized today, tonight, that I don’t and I never have. So don’t expect anything from me. I can’t love you, I can’t love anyone."I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it. Love you, too. It's not like I've never been there before. Love you, too. "Buffy..." Sebastien murmured, turning back. Something burst inside of her, all the pain like an explosion that blew her into pieces."Get out!" she screamed. "Get out!" He didn't argue, just turned and walked to the door. And had she the strength to look, she could have seen the tears on his cheeks. But she didn't have the strength, she didn't have anything.The second the door closed, she collapsed to the floor, sobbing like the world had ended. For her, it had.
Buffy told her mother she was sick the next day and couldn’t go to school. Joyce felt her foreheard–her skin was burning and nodded.
"I’ll just take Sebastien to school and have him tell Kathryn you won’t be there," she said. Buffy hardly heard; they’d told Joyce that Kathryn was staying with Cordelia for a few days. Joyce gave her daughter another worried look and left the room. Sebastien, waiting outside, had no expression at all.
"Where’s Buffy?" Willow asked when she saw him in the halls.
"Sick," he replied, and wondered if Buffy had told her friend. Willow frowned and exchanged worried looks with her friends.
"What’s wrong?" she asked.
"Buffy’s like, never sick," Cordelia seconded. Sebastien shrugged.
"I think she has a fever," he said. "Excuse me, Aunt Joyce wanted me to take a note to the office for her." Willow nodded and watched him go, then turned to Oz with a frown.
"I better call her. I hope it wasn’t Angel," she sighed. Oz squeezed her hand and Xander and Cordelia followed as they went to use the library phone.
Buffy lay in bed, part of her wondering if she should pick up the phone. It was probably her friends, or Giles. It could be her mother. Oh well.
The tears had stopped sometime during the night. They just…stopped. She had nothing left to cry with. No moisture left in her body. She felt dry, used up.
What was wrong with her?
Her mind knew that what had happened to Angel wasn’t because of her specifically. It wasn’t that she had turned him evil; he had been happy, and that had made him lose his soul. But it still hurt, so much, the words hurt so much. And now, to have it happen again. Except Sebastien was no vampire. Sebastien was human.
What was wrong with her?
Buffy turned her face into the pillow as the phone rang on, and on. That night she would get up, face the world. That night, she would do what she should have long before. But for then, for right then, all she could do was hurt.
"I think it’s going perfectly," Kathryn purred, her arms winding sinuously around Angelus’s neck. He turned his head to bare his fangs at her and she laughed, grabbing his hair and pulling his head back to seize his mouth in a passionate kiss. She slid around him, into his lap, her short black satin satin robe slipping open to reveal her creamy thighs.
"You have to talk to him again," Angelus replied, tilting her head back to reveal her white neck. The bite marks were easily visible. "You better cover those up." She sat up, annoyed, the top of the robe slipping open further to reveal the fact she wasn’t wearing anything beneath it. He laughed at her expression.
"I know what to do!" she snapped. "I’m not an idiot like Buffy." His eyes darkened and he gripped her chin.
"What did I say about Buffy?" he demanded. She glared at him; though she now possessed vampire strength as well, he was still much older, and much stronger than she was.
"I won’t insult your precious little Slayer anymore," she spat, her hazel eyes—the same as Buffy’s and so incredibly different—giving off sparks. Angelus smiled.
"Good. Now that that’s settled…we have time before we go get the boy," he informed her, tightening his grip. Kathryn’s expression changed to one of delight as he let her push him down on the bed. She straddled his thighs, grinning wickedly.
"Can I be on top this time?" she asked with a little girl voice.
"Wiggle a bit and we’ll see," he replied. Kathryn laughed and threw back her head and did just that.
"Angel, where are you going?" Drusilla asked with a pout as Angelus and Kathryn walked toward the door. Angel glanced at the vampire he had driven insane with slight annoyance and shook her off gently.
"Out. We’ll be back later. I’ll bring you something to eat, all right?" he asked. She frowned.
"But I want to come wit—Ooooh!" she exclaimed, interupting herself and faltering. She moaned and Angelus arched his eyebrows at Spike, who came up quickly, looking worried.
"Dru, what is it pet?" he asked softly. She didn’t look up.
"The air," she moaned. "It worries. Someone…an old enemy is seeking help…help to destroy our happy home. Ooooh!" Angelus threw Spike a look, but the blond vampire was busy helping Drusilla up. Angelus patted her head.
"Don’t worry about it Dru. Our happy home’s just getting bigger, that’s all. We’ll see you later." Drusilla looked up, hurt and confused and Kathryn smirked at her, following Angelus out the door.
"You don’t look so good," Kathryn murmured, twining her hand into Sebastien’s curls as she came up behind him. He looked up at her, his eyes dull, and managed a smile, the mirror of her own.
"I’m all right," he said. She laughed and he noticed she wasn’t wearing her cross. How odd, she always wore it. And now that she’d decided to go all out, it was even more surprising that it was missing. "Have you come here to toast my victory?" Kathryn slid into the seat beside him.
"Maybe," she said. "Or maybe my victory." He sighed.
"That’s where you’ve been then." Her mouth quirked.
"Yes, that’s where I’ve been. I wasn’t talking about that victory though." Sebastien frowned at the triumphant note in her voice.
"What are you babbling about Kathryn?" he asked in a bored tone.
"I don’t babble Sebastien. I think you’re confusing me with someone else," she replied sharply, earning an odd look. Why should Kathryn be angry with Buffy? Her cousin hadn’t done anything to her.
Oh God, Buffy. His heart ached at the word, though he knew it was just his own foolishness. He was incapable of love, just as Kathryn was.
"Sorry sweet sister," Sebastien muttered. "Are you going to get to the point?" Kathryn laughed again, a silvery, sharp sound.
"Oh yes. Very soon. You see, Sebastien, I really have won this time. I’ve made you do precisely what I wanted you to. And now that you’ve broken her heart, it’s a bit late to tell her that you were mistaken, you do love her after all. Such a pity," Kathryn purred. Sebastien felt the full force of what she’d just said hit him, like a blow to the head. Because it was true, it was all true. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have let Kathryn do that to him?
He loved her so much.
Sebastien leapt to his feet. "Where are you going?" Kathryn asked in a small, plaintive voice, laughter hidden in her tone. Her hand trailed at his. He ripped his away, though for a moment her fingers tightened and he was surprised at their strength.
"Stay away from me!" he snarled, running away, out of the club, out into the
night, the knowledge of what he had done, pounding into his brain. Kathryn
sat alone, and laughed, and then stood to continue with her plans.