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Buffy smiled shyly across the table. Sebastien’s eyes were locked to her face, as if drinking in every bit of her. He smiled back suddenly, and her smile broadened. Joyce gave them both odd looks.
"So, how did you sleep?" she asked, passing Buffy a plate of scrambled eggs. Buffy’s mouth quirked.
"I slept very well," she said seriously, a glimmer in her eyes. "What about you Sebastien?"
"I was a bit restless," he admitted. She bit her lips to keep from laughing and gave her mother and innocent smile. Joyce sighed and shook her head.
"You two…I guess I just don’t understand teenagers these days," she sighed. Buffy bit the inside of her cheek and caught Sebastien’s eyes, her own gleaming brightly.
Xander found them the moment Joyce dropped them off at school. "You really ought to get a car," Sebastien remarked to Buffy, who made a face.
"That would require getting a license," she replied, then waved to her rapidly-approaching friend.
"Hey guys! Giles needs you," he informed Buffy. The Slayer made a face.
"He’s always bugging me about late charges," she told Sebastien. Out of Xander’s sight, she squeezed his hand. "Why don’t you hang out with Xander for a little while?" His dark eyes laughed at her and she gave them both a little wave as she sauntered off towards the school.
"So," Xander said, watching Sebastien watch Buffy go, "You like Buffy?" Sebastien gave him a startled look. Xander patted his arm. "I’ve been there man." Sebastien frowned and Xander laughed and motioned him to follow.
"But you don’t know it was him!" Buffy protested. Giles gave her a look and she crossed her arms and subsided. "Well you don’t!"
"Know, but all the signs point to Angelus. I’m sorry Buffy, but it’s true. I know it pains you to hear these things. Still, you need to be alert."
"I’m alert!" she exclaimed. Another look.
"Is that why you haven’t trained for the last week? And you’ve only been patrolling once," he scolded.
"Well I’ve been busy! Remember, guests?" Buffy pointed out cheerfully.
"That’s no excuse," Giles sighed. "You must be more aware now, not less. I expect you after school for training."
"But–"
"No buts." The bell rang. "Now go on to class, I’ll see you later." Buffy sighed and hopped up from her seat, grabbing her bag and leaving the library. She ran into Sebastien, who was obviously looking for her.
"You know what, I’m really busy today. I have all this stuff to do during breaks and stuff, why don’t you go with Oz again?" Buffy suggested, placing a hand on his chest. Sebastien looked less than happy, but nodded.
"All right, I’ll see you after school," he said.
"Ooh, I’m kinda busy then too. But I’ll meet you at the Bronze later, okay?" Buffy suggested. He caught her hand and brought it to his lips.
"All right. Have a good day," he murmured. She blushed, emotions battling within her.
"Thank you. You too," she said, and then fled to class, wondering at the confusion inside her. Part of her really liked Sebastien. Really liked. But a lot of her was still extremely into Angel. Still loved Angel. And Angel was gone.
Buffy sighed. Part of her yelled that maybe he wasn’t gone forever, maybe she could get him back, but she knew it was wishful thinking. Angel was gone. There was only Angelus…Angelus, the most evil of all the evil vampires she’d known, and the only one she couldn’t kill. Would Sebastien change that? Could he give her the strength to do what she had to do?
The second bell rang and Buffy winced, all thoughts of vampires and love forgotten as she realized she was late…again.
Sebastien sipped a drink and looked around the Bronze, his entire being alight with the anticipation of seeing her soon. He’d never felt like this before. Maybe he was in love. He hadn’t even f***ed her and he couldn’t think of anything but her.
"Miss me?" a voice purred into his ear. Sebastien smiled lazily before turning to see her.
"Not especially," he replied. There was a flash of annoyance in Kathryn’s eyes before the smile crept across her lips.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Let’s drink to me," Sebastien suggested, instead of answering her question. She held up her drink and they clinked glasses.
"You’ve won the bet then?" she asked, her eyes sparkling naughtily.
"Almost, but it doesn’t matter. I could care less about the bet," Sebastien informed her, noting with pleasure the darkening of her changeable eyes. They were Buffy’s eyes, exactly, but different. These were dark. These were cruel.
"You think you’re in love, don’t you?" She glanced back at his still face; he was in love. She’d said it and it was true. "Oh God Sebastien, I knew you liked pretending, but I didn’t think you’d go this far."
"I’m not pretending," he replied.
"And that’s what’s so funny! You really believe it. You actually believe you’re capable of love." He didn’t reply, but watched her stone-faced as she turned back to face him. "But we’re too alike Sebastien. Neither of us are capable of love. Not real love. Are you going to ruin your reputation before senior year? You’re a legend, you’re a f***ing god at Manchester! What are you going to do, spend the whole year mooning over little Buffy all the way in California!"
"Kathryn–" he began, but she cut him off.
"It’s a noble sentiment, really. Once in a while I’ve even fancied it myself. Everyone wants to be good. Everyone wants to love. But for people like you and me, Sebastien, it just isn’t possible."
"You’re wrong," he replied firmly, though there was a roughness in his voice. Kathryn’s eyes laughed, but her face didn’t change.
"Think about Sebastien. Think about what you are. You’ll never change, you’ll always be the New York playboy that has had every girl except one–me. And then tell me if you care the bet. Tell me what you want for your prize, hmm?" she murmured, running a hand over his mouth and down his throat. He swallowed hard, his dark eyes showing confusion and despair. She smiled.
"No!" he exclaimed for the last time, and turned, stalking out of the nightclub and into the dark streets. Kathryn threw back her head and laughed.
"That was fun," she murmured, turning to the dark, handsome man that came up behind her. She twined her arms around his neck. "Can we go kill something now?"
"Ah, Kathryn, you’re beginning to grow on me," he replied, taking her hand and leading her in search of a poor innocent soul to extinguish.
He wasn’t there. Why wasn’t he there?
A cold fear gripped Buffy. What if something had happened to him? What if he’d been attacked, by vampires or worse, by Angelus? He could be dead. He could be captured. He could be–
"Breathe," she told herself firmly. He was probably fine. He was probably late, or he’d forgotten or…there were a thousand explanations, none of which involved death or injury. She had just lived in Sunnydale too long.
Of course, she’d already been waiting for ten minutes.
She smiled vaguely at some girl that was in one of her classes as she headed out the door. He was probably at home. She would go there, check there. If not, then she would start to panic.
Sebastien knocked on Buffy’s bedroom door, his mind finally clear. He had seen the truth, and he had to tell her. The door swung open and Buffy regarded him with a huge smile and sigh of relief.
"I was so worried! Where were you, I went to the Bronze?" she asked, pulling him into her room and closing the door. She stopped and smiled almost shyly at him, getting up on her toes to kiss him. He pulled back.
"Buffy, I have to talk to you," he said, his voice cold and impersonal. Buffy frowned, wondering what was going on. He looked so strange. What happened?
"What?" she asked, trying to push away her fears. She sat down on her bed and he walked to the window, gazing out.
"Last night was a mistake," he said suddenly, making Buffy gasp at the utter change.
"Sebastien," she breathed, her throat closing. What was he saying? Why was this happening? At least she hadn’t slept with him. At least it wasn’t that. Angel’s words echoed in her mind, but she pushed them away. It wasn’t the same, it wasn’t at all.
"I wanted to love you. I really did, but I don’t. I don’t love you at all," Sebastien said. She couldn’t see his face, he wouldn’t look at her. She didn’t have the strength to make him. She was stunned, just…stunned. She felt incapable of feeling anything. The one person she had dared to trust, and the same thing happened?
"Sebastien…you can’t mean this," she said, trying to rationalize. He shook his head.
"No, I’m sorry. I thought I love you, but I realized today, tonight, that I don’t and I never have. So don’t expect anything from me. I can’t love you, I can’t love anyone."
I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it. Love you, too. It's not like I've never been there before. Love you, too.
"Buffy..." Sebastien murmured, turning back. She didn’t hear him, not at all. It was like what Sebastien was saying didn’t matter, only that it brought the memories, it called them and forced her to see him again and again, hear him saying those horrible hurtful things…Something burst inside of her, all the pain like an explosion that blew her into pieces.
"Get out!" she screamed. "Get out!" He didn't argue, just turned and walked to the door. And had she the strength to look, she could have seen the tears on his cheeks. But she didn't have the strength, she didn't have anything.
The door closed with a bang. Buffy sat on her bed, staring forward, wondering what could possibly be wrong with her.
"Are you okay?" Willow asked, frowning with worry. Buffy avoided her eyes.
"I’m fine," she said in a toneless voice. Her best friend frowned.
"You don’t look fine," she told her sternly. "Are you sick? You shouldn’t be at school if you’re sick."
"Yeah, you’re like wan," Cordelia agreed. "And the hair?" Buffy directed a glare at the other girl, who backed away muttering something rude.
"I’m fine!" she exclaimed, pushing through her friends and walking down the hall. Sebastien watched her without expression.
"Do you know what’s wrong?" Willow asked him.
He shrugged and replied, "No idea. I’m going to get something to drink, anyone want?" The group exchanged glances.
"No thanks," Xander said, sounding subdued. Sebastien shrugged and walked off towards the commons and the soda machine. Willow frowned as she watched him go.
"Do you think it’s Angel?" she asked.
"I wouldn’t put it past him," Xander said with narrowed eyes. Cordelia gave him an annoyed look.
"Well it’s not doing a lot of good standing around discussing it," she pointed out. Willow sighed.
"Cordy’s right. I’ll try and talk to her later," she said softly.
"Okay, I’ll try and weasel myself into her confidence too," Xander volunteered.
"I’ll see if Giles knows anything," Oz said. They all looked at Cordelia. "What?" she demanded. "Buffy doesn’t even like me!" They sighed and Xander took Cordelia’s arm, leading her down the hall.
Buffy splashed cold water on her face and grabbed a couple of paper towels, eyeing her reflection in the mirror with trepidation. What was she doing? She should have faked being sick, then she wouldn’t have to fool anyone. And why did she need to fool them anyway? Wasn’t she all right?
No, of course she wasn’t.
Her mind knew that what had happened to Angel wasn’t because of her specifically. It wasn’t that she had turned him evil; he had been happy, and that had made him lose his soul. But it still hurt, so much, the words hurt so much. And now, to have it happen again. Except Sebastien was no vampire. Sebastien was human.
What was wrong with her?
"Buffy?" Willow’s voice called. The Slayer winced and ducked into a stall. What was she going to do? She didn’t think she could face Sebastien, though she wasn’t sure if it was because she loved him and he’d hurt her or because she thought she might love him and he’d acted like Angel had after she—in fact, she didn’t know how she felt about Sebastien. She’d been verging on certain that she was in love with him and then when he said that…but whenever she thought of his eyes and his voice and…and what he had said to her. She bit her lips to keep from crying out as her heart broke again at the memory.
The door of the bathroom shut and she knew Willow had gone. She emerged form the stall, facing her reflection in the mirror. That night she would do what needed to be done. If nothing else, it would get one conflict out of her much conflicted-heart. Not that it would help if Sebastien really didn’t love her, and he’d made it obvious that he didn’t. But oh well.
Buffy sighed. Her reflection looked pretty enough, despite the strained look around her eyes. What did she do to drive them away? What had she ever done that was so very horrible?