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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me. Every time It Rains is by Ace of Base. I don’t have permission to use it either, but I'm not making any money so please don’t sue me.
Author's Notes: I was feeling depressed so I wrote this. I came up with this idea because of the gigantic storm hitting my area. I hate the rain by the way. Too cold. Anyway as Buffy and Angel angst is my specialties this is about them. Enjoy.
Dedications: To Jess for suggesting this song. Thank you so much. You’re right it is the perfect B/A song.
Buffy stared at the dark sky, watching as the first drops of rain came down. Soon it would start to pour she knew.
She walked over to her CD player and put in her Ace of Base CD. She turned it on and listened as Every Time It Rains came on.
This was the perfect time to miss Angel. She was alone and it was storming out.
She listened to the lyrics for a minute.
see dark clouds out my window
I know the storm is coming any minute
And the thunder just confirms my fears
And I know the tears are in there
I'll be crying unable to stop
Look here comes the very first drop
It was true, in a second the tears would come.
She hadn’t cried about their relationship since the night he left, but she knew that tonight she wouldn't be able to hold back the tears any longer.
As she watched the rain come down, she smiled sadly. It had been raining that night, she remembered.
It seemed so long ago, another lifetime.
'Cause every time it rains
I fall to pieces
So many memories the rain releases
I feel you... I taste you
I cannot forget
Every time it rains... I get wet
She still could feel his caresses, could still hear him whispering those wonderful words. I love you. How much they had meant then, not as much now.
She knew he loved her, she could never doubt that, but it didn’t matter any more. Not really. So much separated them now, it could never be the way it was.
But still the rain, this song, brought it all back. The love, the pain, the tears. They had finally come, after five months she couldn't hold them back.
Darling I am still in love with you
As time passes by it just intensifies
I know I'll never be with you again
I'll never find another with that kindness in his eyes
I'll be trying unable to stop
Look here comes the very first drop
She never would love again, not after knowing Angel and his love. She might like a guy, like she had Parker, but never again would she feel what she had felt for Angel. And it was a good thing. Look how much pain her attraction to Parker had caused.
She wasn’t ready to fall in love again yet. Maybe she never would be. How could she be when she would never again find anybody like Angel.
Her Angel.
He had been so special, so different from everyone else.
Even though she knew it was over, that the song was right about the fact she’d never be with him again, it didn’t change anything.
Her love for him didn’t die as time went by, it grew stronger. Even the whole Parker thing had only gone to show her how lucky she had been with Angel.
'Cause every time it rains
I fall to pieces
So many memories the rain releases
I feel you... I taste you
I cannot forget
Every time it rains... I get wet
She thought about how this song could have been written for her and Angel. Every word seemed to be about the two of them and their relationship.
But tonight she was glad of that, she needed to confront the memories. Only then could she let go.
On sunny days I'm all right
I walk in the light
And I try not to think about
The love I live without
That was right, when the sun was up she could forget everything.
Even the fact she was the slayer, maybe especially that. If she could forget that, then she could forget everything that went with it. Including her relationship with Angel.
She was safe during the day when the sun shined, she could just be 18 year old Buffy Summers, college freshmen.
She didn’t have to remember how false that title was. How old her soul was.
How much pain she had been through, how she would never love again. Her only chance at love was in L.A, a 243 year-old vampire she’d never forget.
But during the day she could, if only for a few hours.
But every time it rains
I fall to pieces
So many memories the rain releases
I feel you... I taste you
I cannot forget
She liked that line, I cannot forget.
How much she would give to forget. Forget everything, then she wouldn’t feel like half her soul had been ripped away.
She stared out the window at the stormy sky and wondered what Angel was doing right now.
Wondered if he was thinking about her. Somehow she knew that he was, that the rain was affecting him like it was affecting her.
Every time it rains... I get wet
'Cause every time it rains
I fall to pieces
So many memories the rain releases
I feel you... I taste you
I cannot forget
She could almost hear his voice saying things it seemed like so long since he had said.
“I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop.”
Maybe it would have been better if he could have, if they both could have. There were other things that he had told her that she could sill hear.
“Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this.”
Those were the words that haunted her the most. The last time he told her he loved her, the night he broke up with her.
Every time it rains... I get wet
'Cause every time it rains
I fall to pieces
So many memories the rain releases
I feel you... I taste you
I cannot forget
Every time it rains... I get wet
The song ended and she walked over to the CD player and turned it off.
She looked outside at the pouring rain and smiled sadly at the memories she had kept buried for so long.
Before she could stop herself she grabbed the phone. She dialled Angel’s number, but then put it down.
No, Angel had left for a reason. They needed to put the past away. No matter how much it hurt. And hurt it did, but she still had to do it.
She knew then that Angel had been the one to call that time at her mom’s, the one who hadn’t said said anything.
It made her feel better, but not much. Because it didn’t change anything, they still had to let go.
But she knew that every time it rained she’d remember.