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Disclaimer: All BtVS and "Angel" characters belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, and Mutant Enemies. "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizons obviously belongs to Vertical Horizon and Maverick Music/W.B. Music Corp (I think). Either way, I don't own any of it or them, and mean absolutely no harm.
Author's Notes: This is my first real song tie-in fic, so please be gentle. It can be looked as a series of three stories, or just a three part story. The first two can stand on their own, I'm not sure about the last. If you want to look at it as 3 stories, part one is "I Let Her Go" I did change the lyrics by maybe one word in each, just to make sure the pronouns were right and if there are any other mistakes, they are by accident.
Part 1: I Let Her Go
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
"I've really lost her," he thought, as walked down the street. He had never been so shocked in his undead life. He had overheard Cordelia gossiping with Wesley. Buffy had a boyfriend. A serious one. He heard a few phrases and had to leave.
He couldn't bear to think of Buffy, being with someone else, in reality rather than theory. The mere thought of her lying in someone else's arms, made his stomach churn. He had told her to move on, but his heart hadn't meant it. A part of him had selfishly wanted her to always pine for him, as he did for her.
But under the skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He didn't know what to do. It felt as if someone was killing him … again. Angel didn't know how he had ended up walking out here in the middle of the night. His feet had just taken him, and he had ended up walking along the boardwalk.
He tried to remember that day, so that it could bring him some comfort. He tried to remember that one day she had been his. He remembered, but his mind would not rest there.
He couldn't help but think of her in someone else's arms, as she had once laid in his. He couldn't help but think that somewhere she would be patrolling in Sunnydale with her new boyfriend at her side. How they would work together, laugh and talk with the sunshine of the world … he couldn't help but think that soon they would be through with patrolling, that they would be tired from a day of work, but not too tired. He couldn't help but wonder if she was even now in another man's arms, making love to him.
He remembered heaven in her arms. He remembered the look in her eyes from that glorious day. He knew that he had made her happy. She had wanted him. But now she didn't even remember. Know she wanted another man, lusted for him … loved him. Laughed with him in bed.
The memories of the past, were beaten by the onslaught of fear, to leave one lonely vampire, gripping the rail of the boardwalk.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
If only she'd remember. But would she actually choose him, over this seeming perfection? Everything he had heard about this Riley was good.
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish she'd say
His mind was torn between his thoughts. Why? She had saved him. She had given his life purpose and filled him with love and feelings he had never know. She had brought him back from hell. Only she had kept him going through everything.
"I don't deserve her," he whispered. There were too many terrible things he had done, too many terrors he had committed. He had hurt her. Even if he had once deserved her, he knew that he didn't now. "Why?" he thought, "Why does it feel like it's my fault? I had to leave her. She would have eventually. She would have hated me. Why did she have to cry? Why did she have to tell me I was wrong? Why did my heart have to believe?"
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Angel walked down to the beach and watched the moving waves. He sat down on the beach and watched the ocean, as he cried. "But her actions prove it. She's moved on. It was enevitable." Angel put his head in the hands, tears streaming down his face. She had done what he asked. She had moved on. She was happy … without him … as he had wanted. He had lost her.
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
Angel cried realizing everything he had lost. He had found love from a woman more incredible than any he knew, any that he would ever find. He could remember her smile, which she had saved only for him. He remembered the sparkle in her eyes, the happiness he could put there, though he never understood how.
Angel remembered their walks in the park, he could remember her sweet lips pressed against his. He could remember what she tasted like then, with the cool, cloying air of the graveyard dancing about them. He could remember their first night together, the only one she remembered. He knew the trust she had given him, the gift that meant more to him than her body for the love it represented. She had once trusted him to that point. He was a vampire, her sworn enemy, far older than her, and experienced. She knew all of it, but had loved him anyway. She had made love to him. That night had meant more to him than any other.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
And I don't know
There had been such passion. There had been such fire in their first kiss, that he had lost control. That had never happened, in all his two hundred years. When they fought, when they loved, and when they said good-bye, there was always that fire, that strength behind everything. Even, when he had said good-bye, she yelled and screamed at him with such passion, and he could only help but mirror it. But now, when he saw her, would there be nothing? How could all that was left be apathy?