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Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
Buffy had her back against the closed door of Riley's room. He was leaning against her, one hand pulling her slender waist towards him. They were kissing, softly. He moved away from her mouth and up her jaw line.
Buffy stared off into space. She was making out with her boyfriend, in his room. She should be happy, but somehow she couldn't help a strange constriction in her chest, as if something was wrong. She tried to enjoy the feeling of his lips along her neck, and his strong hand on her back, but she couldn't shake the feeling.
"We need to patrol," she whispered. He kissed her and reluctantly let her slip out of his embrace and open the door.
But under the skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
They walked along, Riley had his gun in hand, while Buffy idly trailed along behind. Soon the charred skeleton of Sunnydale High came into view. She hadn't realized Riley was leading them here. She stopped looking at the school, remembering that night. She remembered the fight. She remembered the blaring lights of the firetrucks and ambulances. She remembered the fog that had risen up in the unexpected early sunset. She remembered a figure she would never forget vanishing without even a good-bye.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
"Are you okay," Riley asked, coming up to her.
"What?"
"Are you okay. You just stopped," he said wrapping his arms around her.
"Yeah, just remembering," she said. He nodded in understanding, but he couldn't understand. She wanted to believe he wouldn't understand, if she told him, but she knew he would try. Even though she was thinking of the handsomest man she had ever met, the most kind, caring, man, and the one she would love forever, Riley would understand.
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
Buffy leaned into Riley's embrace, but she didn't feel anything. "There's nothing here!" her heart wailed. No fire, no passion, no pain. She ached inside for some of what would make this real.
She broke out of his embrace and turned to look at Riley, suddenly very mad at him. "You wouldn't care would you? I loved someone else, I'm remembering them, and you wouldn't …" She left the sentence dangling, at a loss for what to say.
Riley looked at her, shocked by her sudden outburst. "Of course I would care," he said gently. "I care. Memories can hurt, and I understand thinking about the past and I care about what happened to you."
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
"No!" she said. The words were too sweet. He cared that she had been hurt, and that was all. No anger, no passion, no jealousy, only sweet mild concern. It should be perfect.
"It's okay," Riley said. He tried to wrap her in a hug, but she pushed him away.
"I can't do this anymore Riley."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're too sweet. Too kind. We never fight, never argue, never anything. There's nothing here. I can't do that."
But you'll just sit tight
"How could I do that?" she thought. "It was everything I wanted. Everything I dreamed of. He's sweet and nice, and he loves me. How can I be so miserable at the same time." She walked along the streets. She'd had everything she'd ever wanted. Well almost, in her crazy life Riley was as normal as she figured she could get.
How could everything unwind so quickly. She'd almost gotten things back together. It was as if she wanted to miserable.
Out of the island
She walked through the graveyards. She wanted to believe it was because she was patroling, but her heart knew better. Her heart knew every gravestone where she had seen or talked to Angel. Her feet knew every step of the old patrol route they used to take together. Her soul ached with the need to just hear his voice.
She walked passed the alleyway where she had first met him and found herself walking past the Bronze. Sweet romantic music played and she kept expecting to see him, everytime she turned around.
She found herself walking to his old apartment. The doorknob creaked under her hand as she opened it, breaking the lock, but she didn't notice. The rooms were bare concrete with nothing else left. The place almost looked to be a cell, but when she closed her eyes, she could still see it just as Angel had once kept it. The air almost seemed to be electrified with his prescenec, but he would not appear.
He's everything you want
Buffy curled up in a corner of the apartment. How could this be happening? Riley had been a perfect boyfriend, but she still ended up back here. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she be happy?
I am everything you want
All she could think of was Angel. Why couldn't everything be like it was? There had been so much love then.
She cried, sobbing into her hands. She had lost him. He had left her, once because of the clause, and once because he wanted to. It was the last thing she wanted to think of. She trembled as she sobbed, and curled up into an even tighter ball, but she could not escape the nagging thought.
He had loved her once, but now he didn't. He had worshipped her once but then he had left. What had she done to make herself drop so far in his esteem? Why couldn't he still love her?
Part 3 ("Timing", sad ending)
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
And I don't know
Alternate Part 3 ("Everything You Want", fluffy ending)
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