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Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
Angel sat in his office. His head in his hands. "Angel?" Cordelia asked, knocking on the door.
He looked up at her. "What?"
That was Willow on the phone. "She thinks you should go to Sunnydale?"
"Why?" Angel asked, looking up, "What's happening?"
"Nothing demonic. Just … well, it sounds like Buffy's going through a rough spot. Willow thinks you should go talk to her."
"She has a boyfriend for that," Angel said.
"The trouble's with the boyfriend," Cordelia said.
Angel looked up. "Did he hurt her?" Angel asked.
"No!" Cordelia said, brushing it off as impossible, "Willow said they just had an argument or something. She's acting weird though and thought you might be able to understand her."
"Why would she want to see me?"
"Um duh, because she loves you."
"She doesn't love me. She has a boyfriend"
"So!! You left her you idiot. She still loves you!"
"No," Angel said, ending the conversation and leaving the room.
But under the skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
Buffy woke with a start as something creaked in the wind. She looked around her and tears came to her eyes as she realized where she had slept all day. She slowly rose to her feet and looked around the empty apartment. Ghosts of memories seemed to flit about the corners, but he wasn't there.
She needed to see him, or something of him. She walked out and started walking resolutely. She ended up at the mansion. She looked around the bare place with only a few curtains left to show he had ever been there. She looked around, with tears flowing down her cheecks.
She walked out to the back lawn. She remembered a scene here vividly, though then it was pre-dawn instead of deep night. She watched as the figures of her memories raged against each other. She could hear them yelling at each other. She could hear herself telling him he had to fight, that he couldn't give up. But he had. She had won that day, but he had given up on them, and walked away.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
She had a boyfriend, why did she need him. How could they ask him to go see her? To see her with someone else? Wasn't the pain he feeling now enough? No. All she needed was for him to stay out of her life.
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
"Why?" she thought, "Why did he have to be so wonderful? Why do I have to love him?" It was never easy. They had fought and loved with intensity, but he had helped her to become comfortable with being the slayer. With him, she was normal, or at least had company in her weirdness.
"He kept pushing me away," Buffy thought, "ever since the beginning. He's always pushed me away. Was it just that I couldn't get it? Maybe I do need the pain. Maybe I always have, but it wasn't just pain. It was the love! Wasn't it? Now I can only have pain. Or Riley, which is love, but empty. I don't want either."
Buffy looked out over the city, revolted with her own thoughts and aching with the pain in her heart. She wanted Angel, and her heart would accept no substitute, without him there was only a hole where her heart and soul had once been. She sat down at the edge of the bluff. She could see everyone down below her, the twinkling stars of the little town. They all had their own problems, she had said it herself. They were too busy to worry about hers. They couldn't help her and it would be so easy to step over the bluff to end it, but they had problems. They had demons, and she would take care of them. Someone had to. They couldn't take care of each other yet. She had a duty and a place. They would miss her if she … left, even if they didn't know it.
Besides, her heart couldn't help but hope that he would come back and say the words she wanted to here.
For now though, all she could do was gain peace from the scene below.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
The realization hit him as the pain in his heart constricted and released for a moment. Buffy. Part of what he had been feeling during the day was her. He could feel her pain, as he had been able to in Sunnydale when she had been injured. Now there was just an ache, and the feeling that she was hurt and needed him. She had been in trouble all day, and he hadn't …
He ran for the elevator only to find Cordelia there to meet him.
"Buffy's missing," she said.
"What?"
"She dissappeared last night. She never went home and no one's seen her all day." Angel didn't wait to hear another word, he just jumped in his car and started for Sunnydale.
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
"She's dying," he thought, as he sped away. "That's the only way I could feel it from all this way. She's dying and I wasn't there and to stop it, to protect her from whatever it was. She's in pain somewhere, has been bleeding and dying all day ... And it's my fault." He could imagine countless things attacking her. He could see her lying in the forest, or some back alley with her blood spilling from her body.
She was dying, her boyfriend hadn't been able to protect her. Maybe he was even dying. Maybe that's why he could feel her, not because she was dying, but because she was in pain captured by some gang of demons and she was morning her new love's death.
"How could I let this happen?" he thought. "Did I want *this*?"
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
The sweet lights weren't helping. She knew he wasn't coming back and the weight fell heavy upon her heart. It was her fault, and she had to live with it. He wasn't coming back. And she couldn't make him. She would live the rest of her life knowing it, that was her punishment. She sobbed, for all she had lost, and for all the years she would live, because she wouldn't let herself take that step over the bluff. The world needed her, but she cried for the pain, and for her own needs which she knew would go forever unfufilled.
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
And I don't know
Angel walked up the hill. He could see her looking over the edge. "Don't!" he cried.
Buffy was startled. She stood up suddenly and spun around in one motion to see who it was. She saw him through her tears, and was able to give a small smile of hope that he was there, before she realized what was happening. She looked down at her feet, which had somehow come to be standing right on the edge. She tried to catch her balance, but it was no use. Her head was stuffy from the crying, and the ground was crumbling away beneath her.
Angel ran towards her and stretched out his arm, but he missed her hand and she fell toward the town that she had sworn to protect far below.
Alternate Part 3 ("Everything You Want", fluffy ending)
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