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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Notes: This takes place while Parker is walking Buffy home from The Bronze. I kind of change things, actually I really change things. I couldn’t resist doing this once I heard Parker talking about dark, brooding guys. Also Willow’s question at the beginning, it was so fanfic material. So here it is. Buffy/Angel angst because I do it so well. Buffy’s POV.
Feedback: Please! Send feedback but no flames.
“Don’t you hate guys who are so dark and brooding, so give me love?”
As soon as Parker said that my mind went to Angel. That description fit Angel perfectly. He’s dark, sometimes it seems that all he ever does is brood, and he needs love so much.
He needed somebody to care for him, to show him that he deserved to be cared for. I did that. I loved him with my entire being. I always will.
I felt Parker staring at me wanting for a reply. I was about to deny ever knowing anyone like that when I realised I couldn’t. It would be betraying Angel somehow, and I wouldn’t do that.
"Actually, my last boyfriend was like that. Dark, brooding, desperate for love.”
“So you know what I mean. Did it bother you?”
I thought about it for a second. Did Angel’s brooding bother me? No, it was part of who he was. I loved everything about Angel, even the way he brooded.
He was Angel, whatever happened between us I wouldn’t change a thing. Not about our relationship, and not about him. I loved him completely and I always will.
“Not really, can we change the subject? Angel’s a hard topic for me.”
That was true, even thinking about him made me want to cry. I adore him, always will. Just hearing his name brings back a hundred memories, not all of them good. I want what I can never have, I’ll never be able to have Angel again.
I know it, and I’m trying to move on. Parker was saying something.
“Parker, I remembered that I forgot something at a friend’s. I’ll be okay.”
I smiled one last time and then walked to Giles’. I needed to talk to somebody, and Giles always listened.
As I walked I remembered what Willow had asked me in The Bronze, she asked me if I was free.
I’m not, I’ll never be free. I’ m forever chained to the memory of something I can never have again. To the memory of a perfect love which ended with a silent goodbye as he forever walked out of my life.
I’ll love Angel until he day, and until I can be free. Until I can stop loving him, I can’t move on with anyone else.
I’ll still see Parker, but that’s as far as it will go because I couldn’t handle anymore.
I’m not free, I’ll never be free.