|
|
Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, Mutant Enemy, and 29th Century Fox. The song Frozen belongs to Madonna and is on her Ray Of Light album.
Author’s Notes: This takes place RIGHT before I Only Have Eyes For You, right before Buffy leaves for The Bronze.
I turn on the radio and a Madonna song comes on, one that fits perfectly with how I’ve been feeling lately.&nbps; I can relate to a Madonna song, that’s not pathetic. I think it’s called frozen, which is what I am. Frozen in the past, refusing to move on. The first few lines make me think of me.
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be?
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open
I do only see what my eyes want to see, I want to similarities between Angelus and Angel so I do. But they’re not really there. I am frozen, I can't move on, ‘cause I know if I do it’ll have to be alone. I’m not sure if I can do that, I still love him. Sometimes I think I’ll never be able to get over him. My heart’s closed, it died along with Angel the night of my 17th birthday.
The next few lines remind me of my relationships with Angelus and Angel.
You’re so consumed with how much you can get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You’re broken
When your hearts not open
I know in my heart that Angelus isn’t Angel, but sometimes it hurts despite that. My heart breaks all over again every time I see him. The demon with my lover’s face.
Mmm if I could melt your heart
Mmm We’d never be apart
Mmm give yourself to me
Mmm you hold the key
That makes me think of Angelus. If I could just get through to him, maybe I could free that little bit of Angel that has to be left. Maybe I could bring him back, I know it’s just wishful thinking, but I like my fantasies. My life’s so dark, shouldn’t I be allowed to have my little fantasies?
Now there’s no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
I keep trying to tell myself it’s not my fault, that none of this was supposed to happen. But it did, because I was selfish, because I couldn’t wait. That’s why Angel lost his soul, Ms. Calender died, and I’m suffering this slow internal death.
Love is a bird she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
But I’m moving on, I think I’m doing okay. The hurt’s slowly going away, it’ll take awhile, but I’m finally beginning to believe that one day I’ll really be okay.
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open
Mmm if I could melt your heart
Mmm We’d never be apart
Mmm give yourself to me
Mmm you hold the key
I’m never going to forget Angel, I don’t want to. He was my first love, nothings ever going to change that. But I’m beginning to realizes that Angel’s in the past. I don’t think I’ll ever really get over him. Partly because we never got closure, partly because I truly believe he was my soul mate, partly because of the tragedy surrounding our love, and partly just because.
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be?
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open
Soon my heart will be open. Soon I’ll be ready, but not yet. I’m not sure when soon is, but I do know it’s not as far off as it used to be. And when I’m reading I’ll kill Angelus, I’ll date again, I’ll stop wearing the jacket and the cross and I’ll put them and the ring away, I’ll close that chapter of my life. But I’ll never forget, I can’t. Or actually I won’t.
Mmm if I could melt your heart
Mmm We’d never be apart
Mmm give yourself to me
Mmm you hold the key
I’m late, I told Will I’d go to The Bronze tonight. She wants me to move on, she doesn’t understand I’m not ready. But I will be. Soon I won’t be frozen in the past anymore.