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Buffy, her name is forever etched in my mind.  Only a year ago she was still alive.  Just a little girl in a world full of monsters.  Then she was taken from us.  An unknown vamp snuck up on her and took her from us.

The world has practically forgotten her.  There's a new slayer and I myself train her, but she'll never replace Buffy.  Only the seven of us know what was truly lost when she died.  In eight hearts Buffy Summers-Riley still lives.

The hearts of the people closest to her.  We all remember her differently.  To Oz she was his wife's best friend.  To Cordeila she was one of her first true friends.  To Joyce she was the daughter she never really knew for so long.  To Jenny she was this little girl who lived up her to destiny and duty.  To Xander she was the first girl he ever fell for, one of his closest friends. To Willow she was her best friend, her matron of honour.  To Mallory she was the mother she will never know, the women who not only left her grace and beauty, but a frightening legacy.  To Angel she was his true love, The only woman he ever truly loved, the mother of his child, his wife.  And to me she was like a daughter, she was also the strongest slayer yet.

In my opinion Mallory is the only future slayer who will even begin to rival Buffy.  And even she will never be the slayer her mother was.  Buffy was one of a kind, she managed to balance a personal life and her life as the slayer.

I think in my heart I know she's gone, but it's hard to accept.  It's time, time to say goodbye to her.  To my dearest slayer.

Goodbye dear Buffy, there'll never be another like you.

I'm twenty two and I've lived with death since I was sixteen.  My four year old god-daughter has lost her mother to it.  I've lost my best friend.  She was only twenty one.  She was a girl who had faced death every day of her life, she had even died once before.

Death didn't scare her.  Nothing did.  She was the golden girl.  The saviour of our race.  She only ever once rebelled against her destiny, when she was told she and Angel couldn't be together because she was the slayer and he a vampire.

She said their identities didn't matter.  That their love was all that mattered.  She threatened to retire if she couldn't marry Angel.  In the end though Giles gave his blessing, he even walked her down the aisle.

Her marriage lasted only four mortal years until death claimed her, but her soul will be with him forever.  Their love will live forever in his heart.  For his heart will belong to her always.  They were soul mates.

They had a love that will never die.  A love that few people ever feel in their entire lives.  All eight of found it, but even so theirs was stronger than ours, the love we found will never rival the love they shared in the five and a half years they had together.

Giles had to write Buffy down in the watcher diaries, he wrote something like this down: Buffy Summers-Riley started her career as the slayer in 1996 in Los Angeles at age 15.  Six months later she moved to Sunnydale.  There she met, fell n love with and married Angelus.  Their relationship was very complicated because of who they were.  They had an everlasting and true love.  She was the strongest slayer thus far.  She is survived by her and Angel's daughter Mallory.  Mallory was born in 1999.  She is to be a future slayer.
-Rupert Giles.

Everything Giles wrote about her was true.  She was the strongest slayer in history and she and Angel definitely had an everlasting love.  Goodbye my dearest friend, goodbye our sweet Buffy.

You'll be forever in our hearts.

I often wonder if I'll ever be able to move on.  I doubt it.  I mean it's been an entire year since she died and it still feels like yesterday.

I find myself reaching over for her in the middle of the night still.  And sometimes in the middle of the night I feel her arms around me and I swear I hear her telling me she loves me, but I’m just hallucinating.

It's so hard to admit she's gone, my Buffy's gone.  I know she would want me to move on, but it's so hard, just looking at our daughter reminds me of her.

It amazed me that I could love anyone, let alone the slayer, as much as I loved Buffy.  I know I'll never love again, but I had more than my share in the five and a half years I had with her.  We had a love unlike any other, a love most people never find.

She is my heart and soul, the only that ever truly loved me, my wife and mother of my child.  I used to hate my soul because of all the guilt I felt, but now I thank god I have it because I got to love Buffy, something that would never happened before.

Sometimes just seeing Mallory makes me realise that Buffy's still with me.  Mallory is her mother's daughter, the only thing I have left of my beloved wife.

If you had told me ten years ago that I would fall in love with the slayer, we would have a happy marriage, we would have a child together, and I would morn her death everything I have in me I would have called you crazy.

But now all those things have happened and I miss her so much.  Only once in a lifetime is there a love like ours.  A first love, A last love, A passionate love, A true love, A pure love, and a eternal love all in one.

This is almost word for word what Giles wrote about my beloved in the watcher diaries: Elizabeth (Buffy) Anne Summers- Riley was born in Los Angeles in Nineteen Eighty-One.  She was appointed slayer in September of Nineteen Ninety-Six, when she was fifteen years of age.  Six months after being appointed slayer Buffy moved to Sunnydale where I became her watcher.  It was in Sunnydale that she made slayer history in three ways.  She was the only slayer to ever allow mortals to help her in her battle against evil (see SLAYERETTES).  She was the slayer responsible for the introduction of the second slayer (see TWO SLAYERS).  She was also the only slayer to ever fall in love with and marry a vampire.  Soon after her arrival in Sunnydale she met Angelus (see ANGELUS).  The two fell in love and after a brief courtship of only eighteen months they married.  In Nineteen Ninety-Nine she gave birth to their daughter Mallory.  Mallory will be a future slayer.  The story of Buffy and Angel's love is quite tragic and Romantic.  Despite who they were, or maybe because of it, they were soul mates. Their love will never be duplicated and I doubt that there will ever be a slayer as strong as Buffy again.  Buffy was an extremely powerful slayer defeating amongst others The Master (see MASTER), Spike (see WILLIAM THE BLOODY), and Drusilla (see DRUSILLA).  Buffy was killed by an unknown vampire in Two-Thousand and Two. 
-Rupert Giles, Watcher.

He was right, everything he said was true.  She was the most powerful slayer yet and we were soul mates.

We will always be together in my heart, I just wish I could hold her in my arms again.  I'll love you forever, my darling Buffy.

You are our everlasting rose who will never truly die.

I think we all thought she was invincible.  The all-mighty Buff.  I know that’s what I thought.  I was wrong.  She was taken from us too soon.

At least she got to have a life.  Friends, a husband, and a daughter.  But it still wasn’t fair.  Why did Buffy have to leave us at only twenty-one?  Twenty-One years, that’s all she got.

Sometimes I forget she left us.

Other times, like Mallory’s 4th birthday, it’s painfully clear.

Our houses are like shrines to her. Full of pictures, special items, and memories.  Memories of a bright-eyed, full of life young women.  The lost slayer.  She was an angel long before her death, and I have no doubt in mind that she’s one now.

Maybe she’s our guardian Angel.  But it still doesn’t make loosing her easier.  But where ever she is, I can swear that she’ll never be forgotten.

The one thing the others don’t seem to realise is that she’s still with us.  She’ll always be with us.  She loved us as much as we still love her.

Buffy may have left us in body, but her soul is still around us. I sense her when ever I see Mallory, when Rupert does something truly British I know she’s there laughing with the rest of us, whenever the pain gets too much for Angel I feel her presence trying to comfort him, or when some powerful new demon comes to Sunnydale I feel her presence trying to give us the strength we need.  She’s still with us, just not in body.

Sometimes I miss her too much and I sneak off to the cemetery and to this one simple grave.  It reads:

Riley, Elizabeth Anne Summers, “Buffy” 1981-2002, Beloved Mother, friend,
and wife, “The chosen one”,
The time has come for me to leave this earth,
But my heart I’ll leave behind,
Until your time has come,
To join me wherever I may be.
This body’s life has come to an end,
But my soul lives on.
Until your time on this earth ends,
know that I’m watching over you.

Every time I see her grave the loss I felt when she died comes back to me.  And then I miss her even more.  I know she’s still with us in spirit, but I still miss her.  She was one of a kind.

She was also the one that brought us together, and changed us all.  She helped make Cordelia human.  She gave Willow courage and Inner-strength.  She helped ease Angel’s inner pain.  And she helped the rest of us in every way she could.

Buffy wherever you are, I know that you’re only dead in body, your spirit is still with us.

She was my best friend.  Besides Xander, she was the only one that saw that I was a real person.

Now she’s gone.  Forever.  Why her?  Why not me?  Or any of the rest of us? Why someone who was as well loved as Buffy?

We all miss her so much.  Anyone can see that it’s slowly killing Angel.  And Giles and Jenny.  All of us.

It’s hard to accept that our golden girl is no longer here, that she’s rotting in the ground.  She’s buried in her favourite spot in the graveyard, the spot where she and Angel used to “patrol”.

Angel, he misses her more than anyone else.  She was his soul mate.  Now she’s gone.  At least he has Mallory, we all do.

She’s so like her mother.  She helps us remember our precious Buffy always.  But even if Mallory wasn’t around, I know I’d never forget Buffy.

For I still miss her.

I wish Auntie Willow was my Mommy.  But every time I tell that to Daddy he get’s all sad and tells me that I had a wonderful Mommy.

Then where is she?

Grandma Jenny says that she's always watching us, so why can’t she be with us?  I know Daddy wishes she was.  ‘Cause he get’s very sad when he thinks about her.  She was pretty, Auntie Cordy showed me a picture.  Well actually we have the pictures all around our house, but she told me where they were.

I remember a little bit, she had a soft voice.  I wish I could hear her voice again.

Grandma Jenny says that if I talk to her she can me, she just can’t answer me in words.  So I do, everyday after school I talk to Mommy.  And every Sunday Grandma Jenny and Grandpa Giles take me to her grave.  It’s really pretty, just like she was.

I just wish she was here, ‘cause I want my Mommy.

I envy the others.

They knew the real Buffy.  I didn’t know who she was until she left us.  The person I thought was my daughter never existed.

That whole life was made up of lies.  Why did she lie to me?  Did she really think I wouldn’t be able to handle it?

Mr. Giles has explained that her identity must be kept a secret, but if so why did she tell them not me?

They all fit into her life.

I wasn’t even like a mother to her, that honour falls on Mrs. Giles.  It’s not fair I never got to know my own daughter.

And the destiny that made it impossible for us to have a close relationship also took her away in the end.  She died because she was the slayer.

She died because of her life of lies.

She always was an angel, years before she even left us.  She was the one that made us feel safe.  The one who helped with our problems.

Willow was right she was our golden girl.  I wrote a song about her, except very few people know that it’s about her.  It goes like this:

Sweet Angel

Long before your time came,
You were training to be an angel.
All you needed was you wings,
And the world would have seen you as you truly were.
And now you are an angel in the classic sense,
Up in the heavens above.

Chorus: Are you looking down on us?
Do you see how much we’ve missed you?
Do you see that to us you always were an angel?
I hope you’ve got your wings already,
Because you deserve them for all the good you’ve done.
Just remember that down on this earth,
We miss you dearly sweet angel.

Everywhere I turn I see you as you must be now,
Your laughing eyes must litght the stars,
Your golden hair as your halo,
And your smile which could give the sun a run for it’s money.
In my eyes you’ve never truly left us,
Because I knew You’d still be protecting us.

Repeat Chorus

Maybe you’re where you belong,
In the heavens up above.
You were too perfect for this cold and bitter world,
and life was too harsh for one as beautiful as you..
You left us to soon dear angel,
but your heart stayed with us.

Repeat Chorus

Don’t believe we’ll ever forget you,
‘Cause it’s never gonna happen.
You were and still are our angel.
How could we forget one as pure and sweet as you?
I try not to mourn for you,
For I know you wouldn’t want that.
I just miss you every day,
But now I’m finally ready to say goodbye sweet angel,
I hope that you earned the peace that you deserved.

Repeat Chorus

Goodbye Dear angel.

Only the former slayerettes and Mrs. Summers know that the song was written for Buffy.  Always.

Goodbye Buffy where ever you are.  We’ll never forget you, for you’ll always be our angel.

You trully are an angel lost to us.

I’m always with them.  See I was taken to soon, before my time, so I was given three choices.

a) I could return to the world of living and resume the life I was supposed to have, but the one who was supposed to die, I now know it was Willow, would die.  b) I could just let the fates live as they are.  Or c) I could become a guardian angel who would protect my family, because that’s what they are to me, a family.

I couldn’t choose a) and let Willow die, nor could I just ignore the people I love.

I watch them every moment, and sometimes it breaks my heart.  Every night I crawl in beside Angel, he thinks he’s hallucinating.  He’s not, I’m really there.

It scares me how much I still affect there lives.  My body died over a year ago, and still my presence is all around them.  Part of me wants them to let go, but another part wants them to remember me.

Because you see I’ll never forget them.  I love them all, I always did, just separately.

Mom, as my mother, the woman who gave me life.  Jenny I also loved as a mother, for she was like a mother to me.  Giles was like a father to me.  Xander and Oz were like my brothers.  A protective big brother and an annoying little one.  Willow and Cordy were my best friends, and also like my sisters.  Mallory, my baby girl, I loved her as her mother.  And Angel, he was my soul mate, and forever our love will survive.

I know they’ll never forget me, and I’ll never stop watching over them.

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