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Disclaimer:I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me. In My Life belongs to The Beatles, I';m not making any money off using it in my story so please don't sue me.
Author's Notes:This is slightly angsty. It takes place a few years in the future, and Buffy and Angel are married. They're in Europe, and Angel is remembering the life he led before. The song is In My Life by The Beatles. Angel's POV. Enjoy.
Here I am back in Europe, back in Ireland.
When Buffy suggested we go here to Europe, I wasn't sure I wanted to remember. But now I understand why she she suggested it, I need to put the past behind me and this is the only way I can do it.
I look around the streets of Ireland and I realise how much I've changed since my youth here.
I see the places I'll never forget, and I remember others which are long gone. It's been two hundred years, Galloway has changed.
The pub in which I spent a lot of time getting drunk is gone, but my family home remains. It was weird looking at it, but it's nice to know it's still around.
The last link of my former life.
There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed,
Some forever, not for better,
Some have gone and some remain.
Everything changes after a hundred years, we change.
I know I have. I know in the last century I've changed so much, I'm not the person I was. I never will be again, two hundred years changes you. But the memories are still the same.
Next is England, London.
I need to go see the old church in which I met Drusilla. If only to let go of past demons, and to truly accept what I did to her.
The church still stands, it really looks amazing. Buffy and I went to Saturday night mass there. It looked the same, almost as if it was still yesterday.
But standing there, I finally let go.
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living.
In my life I loved them all.
Budapest is next.
I remember the earthquake, and how much fun Darla and I had during it.
I loved her.
But not as I love Buffy, no Darla was the love of the demon in me. But I am thankful to her, for if she had never turned me I would never have met Buffy. Besides, I do still have an affection for her.
Not the same as it was a century ago. But I do love her in a way, she has a spot in my heart, as do Spike and Drusilla, whatever I feel for them now, I loved them once.
But of all these friends and lovers,
There in no one who compares with you,
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.
Budapest is also where I met that gypsy girl who changed my life forever.
Budapest has a lot of memories of a different time, a different life. I changed so much in the years since I was last here, and the memories of the life I lived here have paled.
The memories of my life now, of my wife and friends are so much stronger. Whatever love I felt for the people of my past, it doesn't compare to what I feel now for Buffy.
In a way I had three families, and with each new family my love for the one I had before grow dimmer.
The first was my birth family, my parents and five sisters. I'll always carry affection for them, but my memories of them have dimmed. I can no longer recall their faces, they are forever lost to me.
The second family is Spike, Dru, and Darla. They too are forever lost to me, but in a different way. When I regained my soul it forever cut the ties of that family, even when I lost my soul it could not be resumed.
Maybe it's because Darla was gone, or maybe it's because in that century apart we all changed. When I was first turned, and for the century after that, they were my family and I'll always hold them in my heart.
But now I have a new family, Buffy and our friends. They have become my family, and I love them in a way I never loved the others. For I've been through so much that now I can truly appreciate a family, any family.
As time goes on things change, people change.
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I'll love you more.
I'll never forget the first two hundred and forty years of my life, but they'll never be as important to me as the last years.
I am finally complete now, after two hundred years of searching I have finally found true happiness. I am happier now than I've ever been before. But that doesn't change the past, or the fact that I'll always remember what went before.
I'll always have love for the people who once meant the world to me, but it's faded now that I know what real love is.
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I'll love you more.
In my life I'll love you more.
I'm glad we came here, I'm glad we saw Budapest, London, and even Galloway.
I needed closure, and Buffy needed to see what went before. But this little trip taught me that no matter what happened hundred of years ago, this is what meant s the most to be.
I've found the person I want to share my life with, and now I can do so without looking back.