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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Note: This one isn't like me. Those who know me know my opinion of a Buffy and Riley pairing, but this story just seemed to call to me. It's not exactly Buffy and Riley, it focuses mostly on Buffy and Angel but there are some hints. It's Buffy's opinion the day after the Hellmouth opens in Doomed. It's angsty and may not be for the die-hard B/A fans. Enjoy.
Feedback: Please! Send feedback but no flames.
It brought back so many memories.
Being in Sunnydale High, or the ruins of it, again made me remember. Remember my three years there.
My three years with Angel. I met him on my first day of school and he left me on my last.
Being there made me remember it all. I loved him, part of me always will. He was my first love, but he won't be my last.
I can't turn off my heart forever just because he left me.
Being there again, seeing what was left, was strange.
The library. That was the hardest part. That was our hang out, I spent the best part of those years there. So did the others. My last talk with Angel before he left was there.
I said goodbye last night. I let go of that part of my life.
High school's over.
I said goodbye to the memories of high school.
Of my first love.
I'll always remember him, always keep him in my heart. But it's over. He left me and I have to heal.
I think I can. I also think that I can have a future with Riley, one I couldn't have had with Angel. I'm scared, I think that's why I went so postal on him. But it doesn't have to turn out like Angel and I did. For one thing he won't lose his soul if we sleep together.
I'll never love him like I loved Angel. I can't. I'll never love anyone like that again.
I loved him with an innocence that was lost, with a heart which I gave completely. Angel was my first love, my guardian Angel. I don't need that any more. I don't need a guardian Angel, I'm stronger.
I'll always remember. Remember Angel, remember the battles fought, remember those three years.
But it's over. It's time to move on. To make new memories.
I'm glad I went back. I am. I needed to.
Seeing the ruins, being in what was left of the library enabled me to say goodbye. I needed that.
It was a walk down memory lane, but it was also a release.
I said goodbye to three years of my life. Three of best and worse years. And I moved on. I'll never forget, but I needed to say goodbye. And I did.
I let go.