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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me. She’s All I Ever Had belongs to Ricky Martin and whoever else, I’m not making money off this so please don’t sue me.
Author's Notes: I love this song, and I was trying to figure out how to use it in a story. Don’t you think it’s the perfect B/A song? It makes me cry every time I hear it. Anyway, this is B/A angst with a possibly happy ending. I took rumours for the Buffy/Angel crossover due in November. Episodes 8 in which Buffy and Angel will met up again. Anyway I took rumours for that and made things up. The conversation between Buffy and Angel is based on those rumours, but was completely made up by me. By the way the song is She’s All I Ever Had by Ricky Martin. Enjoy.
Feedback: Please. I live off it, and I want to know what people think. What they like and what I should stay away from. But no flames please, however I will take constructive criticism.
Here I am
Broken Wings
Quiet Thoughts
Unspoken Dreams
He looked around and wondered why he was here. What good was he doing? Why had he left?
He had made a mistake, he knew that. He belonged where his heart was, the place he thought about all day and dreamt of all night.
With her, the one perfect thing in his life. His sunshine.
His Buffy.
Here I am
Alone again
And I need her now
To hold my hand
He wondered what she was doing right now, if she was happy. It seemed so long since he had last seen her. Thanksgiving.
Every moment of that encounter played in his memory, but nothing as vividly as that last conversation with her.
“How are you?” She had asked when they had finally gotten a minute alone. “Really I mean. How are you doing?”
He looked down at the ground. “Good. You? How’s the slaying?”
She gave a small laugh. “Okay. But I missed you, there were a few times when I could have used having you there to talk to.”
“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, finally looking up at her. “There were times when I wished you were there, too.”
“I’m glad.” She said softly.
“Buffy, I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much you meant to me.”
“No.” She confirmed, then she had looked at him. “What did I mean to you?” She asked softly, needing to know.
“Everything. Before I met you, I was in such a state. I was living on the streets eating rats, but when I saw you everything changed. I never knew I could feel that way, that I could love someone so instantly. But I did, and no matter what happens with Kate that’ll never change. You changed me, you made me someone. I’ll never forget that, and I’ll always love you.”
“I’ll always love you.” She said, tears running down her cheeks.
He had kissed her then, a soft and gentle kiss where their tears mixed together.
“But Buffy, you deserve happiness, and you can’t have that with me. But we need to be friends.” He said, after he had ended the kiss.
“So what do we do?” She had asked, pain evident in her ever feature.
“We put the past behind us and concentrate on the future.”
“Okay.” She said sadly, he looked at her one last time then he had walked away.
“Goodbye.” He whispered, she had watched him go silently.
He regretted that now, but what difference did it make?
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
She’s the air I breathe
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
He knew now that she was his idea of perfection, his unattainable dream. But in the same way she was all he ever had, she was his life.
Now she was gone, and he’d give heaven and earth to have her back. He needed her, he always would.
It’s the way she makes me feel
It’s the only thing that’s real
It’s the way she understands
In a world of nightmares and darkness she was the one thing that never changed, that and their love.
Whatever he did, she understood. She helped him cope. She gave him unconditional love and he had destroyed that.
He had left the only thing he could ever love, the very person who taught him how to love.
She’s my lover, she’s my friend
And when I look into her eyes
It’s the way I feel inside
Like the man I want to be
She’s all I’ll ever need
She was more than the woman he loved and his one time lover, she was his best friend. She was also the first real friend he ever had, she understood him.
She was his mirror, when he looked at her he saw what he wished he could be. Human, able to give her everything she deserved.
She was his goal, the one he strived to achieve.
So much time
So much pain (But)
There’s one thing
That still remains (its the)
In all his life he had never felt anything that was more painful than leaving her. Hell had hurt less than that look in her eyes as he walked into the smoke.
He knew he’d always love her, that would never change. Not all the time in the world could change what they had shared.
The way she cared
The love we shared
Trough it all
She’s always been there
She had been there for him whenever she needed him, and she had always given him unconditional love.
It was the memory of that love that kept him going. They had shared a love that came only once in a lifetime.
He could still hear the words that Spike had spoken to him at Thanksgiving. Spike and Buffy were on better terms now, not friends but not enemies. Spike had changed, and his words were thoughtful. “She’ll always love you, no matter how hard she tries, and despite it all you’ll always love her.”
He had been half right at least, Angel would always love Buffy. But would she always love him?
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
In a world so cold, so empty
She’s all, she’s all I ever had
He hadn’t known the meaning of happiness before her.
She was the only person who had ever made him truly happy, and while that could never happen again he’d always cling to that memory.
That one perfect night in her arms when there had been no barriers between them. It had only been them and the love they shared.
That memory was what he clung to when he realised just how alone he was. In all his life there had only one person who had ever truly loved him, and he had left her forever.
It’s the way she makes me feel
It’s the only thing that's real
It’s the way she understands
Maybe it wasn't too late.
Maybe Spike was right and they needed to give it another try. He knew that he wanted to, that he couldn’t live without her.
Angel picked up the phone and dialled the number of the dorm she and Willow shared. He heard her pick up. “Buffy? It’s Angel, we need to talk.” He said into the phone, praying it wasn’t too late.
Because now he knew that more than anything else he needed her. He needed the perfect, unblemished love she had showered on him.
He would give anything to have it back.
She’s my lover, she’s my friend
And when I look into her eyes
It’s the way I feel inside
Like the man I want to be
She’s all I’ll ever need