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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Notes: Okay, this is another post- I Wil Remember You story. I’m planning on writing a lot of them. It will probably go like this: The happy ones take place half way through it, and the sad ones after. This is a sad fic. It’s total angst, not even the B/A scene at the end is happy. Sorry, that ep really got to me.
Feedback: Please! Send feedback but no flames.
Angel sat at his desk thinking about what had happened. He remembered what Buffy had said to him right before time reverted back.
“How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had, we could have had?” She had asked him.
She hadn’t had to do it, she didn’t remember. But he did, he always would.
He would forever remember every detail of those lost 24 hours. The life that had been offered to them, the life they could never live.
It seemed unfair, and it was.
He had had to choose between Buffy’s life and the life they could have together. He chose her having a long life without him, rather than her having a short life with him.
He remembered what he had asked her. “How can we be together if the price is your life, or the lives of others?”
It was true, they couldn’t be that selfish. They each had a destiny, they were meant to fight for the cause of good. To be warriors for the cause for the righteous, sometimes it cost them a lot.
But in the end they had to do it.
He stood up, and looked at the clock on the floor. Time really was a tricky thing. He sat down again and got out a piece of paper and a pen.
He decided to write a letter that would never be read. He would write Buffy a letter telling her everything that had happened, telling her what he had done, but he would never give it to her.
No, she would never know. She would never know because she wasn’t supposed to, it was his burden, not hers.
He started writing.
Dear Buffy,
I had to write this although I have no intention of ever giving it to you, I just need you to know. I need to write it down, I need to at least explain it even if you’ll never hear my explanation.
Buffy, when you were in L.A after Thanksgiving something happened that nobody besides me will ever know about. Remember the Mohr demon? Well, because of it time changed.
Let me explain, something happened that would change our lives forever. Something that would change the course of destiny, and I was given the chance to stop it. I did, but it hurt me so much. Why? Because what I stopped is the very thing I long for.
It started right when the demon attacked, we didn’t kill it right away. It escaped. We went down into the sewers to fight it and we had a heartbreaking talk. But that’s not important. What happened next is.
We separated, you went into the day light, I went further into the sewers. I found him and I thought I killed him. But first our blood mixed and I became human.
Yes, human. I was alive, breathing, I even had a heartbeat. What happened next? I went to see The Oracles of The Powers That Be. They confirmed that I was human, that nothing could change that.
I couldn’t believe it. Human, we had a chance to be happy. I went to find you right away, and we kissed. It was the kiss of a new beginning because that’s what we had.
We talked about being mature and talking things slowly, but we didn't. We made love. It was perfect, it was everything I long for. Then we ate Peanut Butter and Ice Cream in bed, it was like we were normal people. We were, we were just us. Just Buffy and Angel.
Later, when you were falling asleep in my arms you told me that for the first time in you life you felt like a normal girl. I was so glad that I could be the one to make you feel like that.
But it wasn’t meant to be. The Mohr demon came back. I fought him, but I wasn’t strong enough. We did kill him though, but I knew what I had to do.
I went to see The Oracles again. I asked them if you would die now that I was mortal. They said yes, you would die sooner than you would have before. So I made the only choice I could. I offered my life in exchange for yours. They gave it to me, for a price. Time was turned back, our one day together never happened. I would be the only person in the entire world who remembered it.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell you what I had done. You were upset. We were both crying by the end. You were against it, asked why I had done it. But I asked you how could we be together if the price was your life, or the lives of others? You agreed with me in the end, and we spent that last minute in each other’s arms. Then it ended.
Time reverted back and the rest you know. I know you’ll never read this, I’ll never give it to you, but I had to tell you what I did. I had to write it down. I also have to write this down. I’ll never forget, I’ll always love you.
Angel
Angel put the letter in his desk drawer. Nobody but him would ever know of it’s existence, and that’s how it was meant to be.
She would never know how much he gave up for her life. He gave up for her and he would do it again in an instant.
She was the only woman he’d ever love.
A Few Months Later
“Hello. Angel Investigations, We help the hopeless?” Cordelia said as she answered the phone.
“Cordelia, it’s Giles. Is Angel there?”
“No. What’s wrong?”
“I need his help on some research. He has a book that has some lost Celtic spells. I need it.”
“I can check his office?” Cordelia volunteered.
“Thank you.’ Giles told her.
Cordelia put down the phone, and walked into Angel’s office. She opened the drawer and started searching.
Something fell out of the drawer. She bent down to pick it up and saw that it was letter.
She opened it enough to see the words dear Buffy. She picked up and walked back to the phone.
“Giles, I can’t find it. Can you put Buffy on?”
“Sure.” Giles said in a puzzled voice.
“What is it?” Buffy asked a second later.
“Buffy, I found something that you probably want to read.”
“What?”
“I don’t know, but it’s to you from Angel. It feel out of his desk.”
“Cordelia, if it’s in his desk then maybe he doesn't want me to see it.” Buffy said after a moment.
“Buffy, I’m a big believer in destiny. If something happens it’s usually meant to. The letter fell on the floor for a reason.” Cordelia told her.
“Okay, can you bring it to me?”
“Sure.” Cordelia said. “I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Thanks, bye.” Buffy hung up.
Cordelia put the phone down, and went back into Angel’s office. She felt a little guilty, he did deserve his privacy.
No, this was what was right.
Buffy and Angel were meant to be, they were each other’s destiny. She was doing what was right. She cleaned up the office so he would never know what she did and she wrote him a note.
Then she left.
Angel walked into the office expecting to see Cordelia on her computer, instead he was greeted by an empty room.
He walked over to her desk and saw a note. He picked it up and read it outloud. “Angel, Giles called. There's danger in Sunnydale, something about needing your book of Celtic spells? Anyway, I’m there. Meet me there, bring Doyle. Cordelia.”
He put the note down, and walked down into his office. He opened his drawer to get something out when he noticed the letter was missing.
Where could it be? What if........He got up in a hurry, he had to make sure Cordelia hadn't taken the letter.
He had to.
“Here.” Cordelia handed Buffy the letter.
“Thanks, can I have some privacy?” She asked her friend.
“Sure.” Cordelia said and left Buffy alone in the bedroom of her mom’s house.
Buffy opened the letter.
“Dear Buffy, I had to write this although I have no intention of ever giving it to you, I just need you to know. I need to write it down, I need to at least explain it even if you’ll never hear my explanation.” She read outloud.
She wondered for a minute if she should stop, he did say he never intended her to read it. But then if Cordelia was right, then she was meant to read it.
She continued. She read silently for a while and then started reading out loud again.
“We separated, you went into the day light, I went further into the sewers. I found him and I thought I killed him. But first our blood mixed and I became human. Yes, human. I was alive, breathing, I even had a heartbeat. What happened next? I went to see The Oracles of The Powers That Be. They confirmed that I was human, that nothing could change that.”
Buffy stopped. He had been human? No, it couldn’t be. Could it?
She read more outloud. “I couldn’t believe it. Human, we had a chance to be happy. I went to find you right away, and we kissed. It was the kiss of a new beginning because that’s what we had.”
She was quiet for a minute, the thought of them having a new beginning was too much. She began to cry softly, but still continued.
“We talked about being mature and talking things slowly, but we didn't. We made love.”
She paused. They had made love? It was too unfair, why couldn't she remember? She read more.
“It was perfect, it was everything I long for. Then we ate Peanut Butter and Ice Cream in bed, it was like we were normal people. We were, we were just us. Just Buffy and Angel.”
She stopped for a minute. Just Buffy and Angel, that’s what she always dreamed of. The two of them being just that, the two of them. She read more, needing to know what came next.
“Later, when you were falling asleep in my arms you told me that for the first time in you life you felt like a normal girl. I was so glad that I could be the one to make you feel like that.”
She smiled at that thought. To feel like a normal girl, how much she would give for that.
“But it wasn’t meant to be. The Mohr demon came back. I fought him, but I wasn’t strong enough. We did kill him though, but I knew what I had to do. I went to see The Oracles again. I asked them if you would die now that I was mortal. They said yes, you would die sooner than you would have before.”
His life for hers, would he really do that? She knew that he would, he loved her enough. Whatever she wondered about Angel it was never his love for her, she knew that was real.
“So I made the only choice I could. I offered my life in exchange for yours. They gave it to me, for a price. Time was turned back, our one day together never happened. I would be the only person in the entire world who remembered it.”
Buffy stopped again. So that’s why she didn’t remember, it never happened. It was supposed to, but it didn’t. It didn’t because he loved her too much.
She read the next part. “The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell you what I had done. You were upset. We were both crying by the end. You were against it, asked why I had done it. But I asked you how could we be together if the price was your life, or the lives of others? You agreed with me in the end, and we spent that last minute in each other’s arms. Then it ended.”
Buffy started to sob. Why? Why had he done it? Couldn’t he have let them have that life that had been offered to them? Through her tears she read the last bit.
“Time reverted back and the rest you know. I know you’ll never read this, I’ll never give it to you, but I had to tell you what I did. I had to write it down. I also have to write this down. I’ll never forget, I’ll always love you.”
She put the letter down, and began to weep into a pillow.
“I’ll always love you too.” She whispered.
“I know.” Said a voice form the corner. She looked up to see Angel standing there.
“Angel? What are you doing here?”
“I came to try and stop Cordelia from giving you that letter. I was too late.”
“Is it true?” Buffy asked quietly.
He nodded.
“Yes.”
Buffy stood up and walked over to him.
“Why did you do it? Why did you become a vampire again?”
“Because I had to.” He answered her.
She started to cry harder, and he held her. He began to cry too.
“I wish it could be different, but it couldn’t.”
“I know.” She whispered through her tears. “It was our destiny.”