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Disclaimer: Joss owns them not me, so please don’t sue.
Author’s Note: After “The Zeppo”, but only a few spoilers for that and “Lover’s Walk”.
I’m all alone now, but I refuse to feel sorry for myself. It’s my own fault. Cordelia loved me, but I killed that love. And I killed the person she had become. The rest of her died less than a year later. It’s ironic in a way. Cordelia, who was just a normal girl, never made into 19, while Buffy, who’s the slayer, will be 30 next month. It’s hard to imagine that Cordelia’s been gone over 10 years, but it’s true.
I wish things had worked out different, but if I learned anything from living in Sunnydale it’s that you can’t fight fate. What happens is supposed to happen. I feel bad for Cordelia, for she never really got the life she deserved. First parents that virtually ignored her. Then her friends, which had been all she had for so long, turned on her. Then what happened between us. And finally her death.
I really loved Cordelia, I just never realised it until it was too late. She’s not the only woman I ever loved. I really did love Faith, but Cordelia was my first love. Faith and I had a strange relationship. At first it was just casual sex, and then more serious sex, finally somewhere along the lines we fell in love. The Watcher’s Council was ready to burst a blood vessel when Faith and I got married. Not one of the current slayer’s married, but TWO! It’s hard to believe that was only four years ago, it feels like a lifetime.
Faith’s someone else who got a raw deal in life. But at least she was the slayer, and 26 was old for a slayer. But she should have died doing what she loved. Slaying. But instead she died having my child. Kind of ironic she survived nine years being the slayer and childbirth’s what killed her. Apparently a slayer’s body isn’t designed to have a child, but somehow Buffy survived.
In the months after Faith’s death I poured all my energy into our daughter, Grace, but alas even she was taken from me. She was only two years old when she died, she had never been strong. The doctors say it’s because she was two months premature. She’s been gone a few months now, and I’m considering leaving Sunnydale. All that I have left here is painful memories. Of Cordelia, Faith, Grace, Willow. Maybe the memories are the reason I can’t leave. It was here that I fell in love with Cordelia, met Faith, had a life long friendship with Willow, and it’s where my little girl was born.
Willow’s death hit me harder than anything else, except when I lost Grace. She died even before I married Faith. She died performing the spell that made Angel human. She knew it would kill her, but she didn’t care. Oz was already gone, shot by a werewolf hunter, and it was what she wanted to do. She got her peace in the end. She gave her life to give her best friend the greatest gift of all.
My life will be over soon, I want it to be. But before I end it there’s something I had to do. In the cemetery I find the clump of graves I’m looking for. First there’s Ms. Calender’s. Then Oz’s, and Willow’s is right beside it. The words jump out at me: Rosenberg, Willow Jane 1981-2005, “Goodbye Dear Friend”. Next I see Cordelia’s grave. The Chases spent a fortune on it. Chase, Cordelia Lynn 1981- 2000, “The time has come.” Lastly I see the triple grave under which my heart is buried. The third isn’t dead yet, but will be soon. Harris: Faith Janette March 1982-2008, “Loving Mother, Wife, and Friend”, Alexander LaVelle 1981-, Willow Grace 2008-2010, “With the Angels now”.
I take out the stake with which I plan on stabbing myself and bring it to my heart. Just before it hits I flash back to the four women I loved and lost. My first love, young and innocent. My childhood friend, sweet and pure. My wife, strong and loyal. And my daughter, small and fragile. I loved them all, now it’s my time to join them. In the quiet of the graveyard I said my last word, “Goodbye”. I am at peace now.