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Part 6
"Angel, why don't you get some books to take home with you," Buffy told her love. "I need to talk to Giles and Willow a minute."
"Ok," Angel said. He went up the stairs and into the stacks, looking at the titles.
"Thank you," Buffy told the two. "For this."
"You're welcome, Buffy," Giles said. Willow echoed him.
"I...uh...wanted to tell you something else," Buffy said. "About Angel. He definitely does not know he's a blood-sucker."
"Pardon?" Giles asked, confused.
"A vampire. He tried to go out in the sun today to come here," Buffy said. "He thinks the blood I leave for him is juice."
"Oh! And he didn't hiss or back away from the cross I was holding when he got here," Willow added. "He actually came closer."
"That's odd," Giles said. "Does he revert to his demonic features when feeding?"
"No, actually. No fangs at all. He just drinks the blood down like it was, well, juice," Buffy answered.
"Maybe he's not a vampire anymore," Willow suggested.
"Ya think?" Buffy said, looking towards the stacks.
"W-well, we could t-test that theory," Giles said. "Holy w-water or touching him with a-a-a cross."
Buffy sighed. "I hate to hurt him more."
"We really should find out," Giles told her. "For his sake as well as our own."
"Too bad we just can't hypnotize him and see if he remembers," Buffy said. Her eyes widened at the thought. "Wait! Why can't we? Hypnotize him, that is."
"B-Buffy, I do not think th-that would be-be-be wise," Giles stammered. "Delving into one's subconscious is-is-is dangerous and c-could have numerous side effects."
"Can you do it?" she asked her Watcher. Willow looked at him enthusiastically.
"Yes, I suppose," Giles answered. "But he would h-have to be willing to be put in-in-in a hypnotic trance..."
"Great! I'll go ask him," Buffy said, sprinting up the stairs. She came back a few moments later with Angel in tow. "He said he'll do it."
"A-are you certain?" Giles asked the vampire.
"Maybe i-it will help m-me re-remem-member," Angel replied.
"Very well," Giles sighed.
"Angel, you are in a safe place," Giles told the vampire who had just fallen into a hypnotic state. "Nothing can harm you there, no matter how horrible it is. If you understand, say yes."
"Yes," Angel answered, eyes slightly glazed over.
"What is your name?" Giles asked.
"Angel."
"Your birth name," Giles clarified.
"Angelus," he answered.
"And where were you born?"
"Ireland."
"How old are you?"
"Two hundred forty three," Angel answered without hesitation.
"Do you know what you are?" Giles asked.
Angel didn't answer. He looked slightly puzzled.
"Are you a vampire?" Giles restated the question.
"Yes," Angel answered.
"Ask him if he remembers being Angelus," Buffy whispered to the librarian. She and Willow were seated at the table next to Giles, who was in turn across from Angel.
"Do you remember wanting to hurt Buffy," Giles asked.
"Buffy?"
"Yes, Buffy. Do you remember wanting to hurt her?"
"I could never hurt Buffy," Angel said clearly.
"Do you remember being in Hell?"
Both Buffy and Willow looked startled at Giles' question. "Giles, don't you think..."
Giles held up is hand as Angel started to answer.
"Close your eyes," Angel said softly. "She had to do it. She had no choice."
Tears began to fall down Buffy's cheeks at his words. Those tears of sadness turned to tears of horror as Angel continued speaking.
"The light was so bright. It was blinding. They took me and stripped me to nothing, then chained me to a post. I tried not to cry out as the first blow from the barbed whip struck my back. By the time they finished, I had passed out. My back was on fire and I could feel the blood running out of me. They forced me to feed and I healed, then they started again.
"When the devil got bored, he had me unchained. Then I was running. Running for my life. Running for my friend's life. Running for Buffy's life. Over glass and rocks I ran, trying to reach her before she hit the ground, dead. Over and over again I ran, and each time I was too late. Too late to save her. I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry."
Tears were falling down Angel's face, but he did not come out of his trance. Giles was about to bring him around when he continued.
The three listeners didn't hear or see Xander enter the library, returning for his books. He stood near the doorway, listening.
"I could no longer run, the bottom of my feet were torn away. The devil smiled as I screamed. He had his minions grab me and hold me flat on a table. Pinning my arms straight out, the devil stood behind me with a large blade. He inserted it beneath my skull and slit my back, down to the base of my spine. Cackling with glee, I could feel him crush my spine with his claws.
"They held the wound closed and fed me. My skin healed over, but my spine was still crushed. I lay on the table, half bent over when the devil returned. I could feel him behind my, his breath hot on my neck. That's when I felt the pain. I was only able to scream as he did what he wished. I could see others standing in a line, waiting for their turn.
"On and on they went, for what seemed like forever until I sank into unconsciousness. When I woke, I found Buffy standing there. She laughed at me, pitied me, called me a monster again and again. There was hate in her eyes as she looked down on me. The last thing she told me was that she never loved a monster like me, no one could."
Willow had moved while Angel spoke. She climbed onto Giles' lap like a child, hugging him tightly. Giles held onto Willow, trying to bring some comfort to both hacker and himself. Buffy cried silently at the pain she had caused him. Xander spun and ran back out into the hall, only to be violently sick in a garbage can.
"I saw Buffy leave me, never turning back once. After that, nothing. Oblivion, sweet oblivion," Angel finished quietly.
Giles cleared his throat, removing his glasses with his free hand and wiping at his eyes. Willow sniffed and tried not to cry into his shirt. "Angel," he said. "When I snap my fingers you w-will awaken refreshed and with no recollection of-of what you have told us. If you understand, say yes."
"Yes," Angel said.
Giles looked over at Buffy's tear stained face. She nodded and he snapped his fingers.
Angel blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision. He looked around and saw Buffy, Giles and Willow in various stages of grief. "Wh-what?"
Buffy stood and hurried over to him. "Nothing," she whispered, kissing him on the lips softly. "C'mon, let's go home."
"O-ok," Angel said, allowing himself to be guided by Buffy. He took the
books he had picked out, smiled briefly at the other two in the room, and
left with the Slayer. Giles and Willow sat together, comforting each other
as friends well into the night.