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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.
Author's Notes: This is a companion to Despite it all. Angel’s PoV after he calls Buffy in City Of. This is my first story actually dealing with the spinoff, I’ve done stories dealing with rumours. But now I’m using concrete fact. Which is cool. This is heavy on angst, because I do it so well. Enjoy.
Feedback: Please! Send feedback but no flames.
I don’t know why I called her, but I know I had to.
I just needed to hear her voice, to know that she’s okay. I had these nightmares that as son as I left something would happen, and I’d lose her forever.
It’s one thing to break up another entirely to have her die.
I do know why I couldn’t say anything when I called, I couldn’t let her know it was me. But maybe she figured it out. Maybe not.
It doesn’t really matter now, I’m out of her life. I have to keep my silence to give her the life she deserves.
I will, because I could do anything for her. When I said that there was no one left I cared about I was right and wrong.
I still care about her, but she’s not in my life anymore. I ended that, and I can’t turn back.
I can’t even look back, all I have to do is forget. Forget the one thing that made me feel human. The one person I‘ve ever loved.
There’s only one thing I can do for her. Keep silent, stay away.
I will, if it helps her I’ll do anything. I’d walk in the sun for her, eat garlic bread, I’d even take a bath in holy water if it would do her any good.
But it won’t.
All I can do for her is let her be free, let her have her normal life. My silence can do that, and it will. I’d do anything for her, even keep silent about how much I need her.
That’s why I didn’t say anything when I called her, because I knew that more than anything else she needed my silence.